New Lord of the Rings Movie to Be Written by … Stephen Colbert?
26th March 2026
There is perhaps nothing more revealing about the desperate state of Hollywood than its obsession with digging up old franchises in a futile race to capitalize on audeince nostalgia. In fact, it has been widely understood in the film industry for the past decade that almost no project will be greenlit unless it is a reboot, remake or “re-imagining” of a previously popular story property.
The problem, which everyone except Hollywood executives understands, is that you cannot recapture the magic of older hit movies, especially when your stable of writing talent is populated by an army of left-wing, pill popping ideological lunatics with no moral standards to speak of. These kinds of people are simply incapable of relating to the common moviegoer.
This dynamic has led Hollywood down a path of financial destruction, with dozens of big budget films bombing at the box office in the past year alone. Some projects have lost hundreds of millions of dollars and the smell of napalm is heavy in the air.
One disastrous reboot attempt that set Hollywood on the path of total defeat is Amazon’s ludicrous Lord Of The Rings project, “The Rings Of Power”. A non-canonical adaptation of limited parts of The Silmarillion, the show turns Galadriel, the personification of the pure feminine, into a spitting, angry feminist girl-boss that slaughters orcs by the barrel. The show’s writing was saturated with sad approximations of Tolkien-style dialogue written by people with no life experience or wisdom.