DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Senate Democrats, Including Kamala Harris, Call for Investigation Into Durham Probe

17th September 2020

Read it.

Probing the probe?

Who will investigate the investigators?

When Senate Democrats call, who will answer?

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Harry Potter and the Deathly Weapons

16th September 2020

Check it out.

Harry Potter with guns. Quite well done, too.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 2 Comments »

Biden Spokesman Melts Down After Being Asked Simple Yes-or-No Question

11th September 2020

The Other McCain reports.

This whole interview with Brett Baier of Fox News is a disaster for T.J. Ducklo, who is exactly the type of testosterone-deficient soyboy you’d expect to be National Press Secretary for Joe Biden. When Baier raised the issue of Biden’s declining mental acuity — which is highly relevant to his fitness for office — Ducklo went into a complete meltdown.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Biden Spokesman Melts Down After Being Asked Simple Yes-or-No Question

A Pyrotechnic Device Used During Gender Reveal Party Caused Massive California Wildfires, Officials Say

7th September 2020

Read it.

California, land of fruits and nuts.

People who have ‘gender reveal parties’ need to get a life. Seriously.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on A Pyrotechnic Device Used During Gender Reveal Party Caused Massive California Wildfires, Officials Say

Want to Save Lives? Name Heat Waves Like Hurricanes

15th August 2020

Read it.

As temperatures soar into the the triple digits, the Extreme Heat Resilience Alliance says such names will spark public awareness and encourage safety measures.

I am not making this up.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Want to Save Lives? Name Heat Waves Like Hurricanes

Democrats Trying to Convince Democrats to Vote Democrat

9th August 2020

Read it.

There have been peaceful protests violent riots every single night in Portland now for nearly three months straight. There appear to be many different groups involved, with many different messages, from “Black Lives Matter” to “Antifa” to people carrying signs with the Soviet hammer and sickle. But there is one thing all the rioters have in common. They all hate Donald Trump. All the riots have signs saying things like “Dump Trump” and other more explicit words saying the same thing. The rioters are urging people to vote against Trump in the next election. Remember, these riots are in Portland, Oregon.

In 2016, Donald Trump won 17% of the vote in Portland. Who are these people trying to convince? There hasn’t been an out-of-the-closet Republican sighted in the wild in Portland since the Reagan administration. And such exotic fauna will most certainly be scarce in Portland in today’s hostile environment. So the Portland riots are essentially Democrats trying to convince Democrats to vote Democrat, while they destroy one another’s property. I don’t get it.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Democrats Trying to Convince Democrats to Vote Democrat

Generate Your Own Academic Paper Title

3rd August 2020

Read it.

Be the first on your block….

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Generate Your Own Academic Paper Title

The Weight of the World

31st July 2020

Read it.

Until today, I was not aware that there was an academic subject known as Fat Studies. You can take Fat Studies at several universities, and it will probably come as no surprise to readers to learn that they are fully compatible with the main aim of modern education, namely the promotion of a sense of grievance and resentment in the students. One university described its course of Fat Studies as the “Examination of weight based oppression as a social justice issue with other systems of oppression based on gender, race, class, age, sexual orientation, and ability.”

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on The Weight of the World

Democratic Activist Arrested Ffr Allegedly Setting Fire to AZ Democratic Party Headquarters

29th July 2020

Read it.

Some people are just confused.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Democratic Activist Arrested Ffr Allegedly Setting Fire to AZ Democratic Party Headquarters

Tesla in Switzerland Veers Off Road, Gets Stuck on Train Tracks, Before Needing to Be Removed by Crane

18th July 2020

Read it.

Hammer tech.

Image - Justin-hammer sam-rockwell iron-man-2.JPG | Marvel ...

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Tesla in Switzerland Veers Off Road, Gets Stuck on Train Tracks, Before Needing to Be Removed by Crane

Left-wing Psycho Essay of the Week

7th July 2020

Read it.

There are so many recent examples of prestigious establishment media outlets publishing absolutely bonkers essays that could only have been produced by people so impacted by toxic ideologies that they are not properly oriented toward reality and actually belong in mental hospitals that it’s become impossible to link, and marvel at, them all. So I’m simply going to try to pick the occasional particularly exceptionally deranged example.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Left-wing Psycho Essay of the Week

Lockdown Are Precious: The World’s Most Ludicrous Lockdown Is an Island

19th June 2020

Read it.

Prince Edward Island, Canada.

Population – 150,000

Worst Case Projected Hospitalizations – 14,000

Best Case Projected Hospitalizations – 120

Worst Case Projected Death Toll – 900

Best Case Projected Death Toll – 9

Actual Death Toll – Nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

Currently Active Cases – Zilch.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Lockdown Are Precious: The World’s Most Ludicrous Lockdown Is an Island

US Military Could Lose Space Force Trademark to Netflix Series

9th June 2020

Read it.

Only in America.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on US Military Could Lose Space Force Trademark to Netflix Series

Twitch Names Transgender Streamer Who Identifies as Deer to ‘Safety Advisory Council’

18th May 2020

Read it.

If normal radical liberals in Big Tech weren’t bad enough, Twitch has named a transgender streamer who self-identifies as a deer to be on the platform’s “Safety Advisory Council.”

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Twitch Names Transgender Streamer Who Identifies as Deer to ‘Safety Advisory Council’

A Dutchman and His (Man-Made) Mountain

17th May 2020

Read it.

No evidence as to whether he started with a molehill.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on A Dutchman and His (Man-Made) Mountain

Italian Politician Demands Bill Gates Arrest for Crimes Against Humanity

17th May 2020

Read it.

C’mon, dude, Windows isn’t that bad.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Italian Politician Demands Bill Gates Arrest for Crimes Against Humanity

Therapeutic Yale

17th May 2020

Read it.

Back in my day, Yale’s colleges had squash courts, pool rooms, wood shops, and not uncommonly print shops in which undergraduates could produce hand-printed limited edition books. Today’s Yalies go to therapy and play in sand boxes.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Therapeutic Yale

Not a Joke: Lefty Group Cites 2nd Amendment Case in Coronavirus Suit Against Fox News

14th May 2020

Read it.

Back on April 10, NewsBusters wrote about a bizarre move by the far-left group WASHLITE to have a judge removed from their farcical lawsuit trying to destroy Fox News for its supposedly dangerous, deadly, and inept coronavirus coverage. Earlier this week, the case took an even more baffling turn when, as part of a new filing, WASHLITE cited the Second Amendment in a case pertaining to the First Amendment.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Not a Joke: Lefty Group Cites 2nd Amendment Case in Coronavirus Suit Against Fox News

IRS Orders the Dead to Return Stimulus Money

6th May 2020

Read it.

Good luck with that.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Father Killed by Water Buffalo Hand-Reared the Cattle as Part of His Eco-Friendly Business

6th May 2020

Read it.

Let that be a lesson to us all. Environmentalism kills.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Father Killed by Water Buffalo Hand-Reared the Cattle as Part of His Eco-Friendly Business

Who Does Biden Pick to Lead His VP Search Committee? To Pick the Human Thot Shield Who Will Defend Him From Rape Allegations? Why, Chris “Waitress Sandwich” Dodd, of Course!

30th April 2020

Read it.

It was probably a great disappointment to him that Ted Kennedy was dead. If he remembered.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Who Does Biden Pick to Lead His VP Search Committee? To Pick the Human Thot Shield Who Will Defend Him From Rape Allegations? Why, Chris “Waitress Sandwich” Dodd, of Course!

Chutzpah: Tedros Scolds World for Not Listening to WHO on COVID-19

27th April 2020

Read it.

Say what? Most of us still remember when we did listen to the World Health Organization on COVID-19.

Tedros and WHO ignored the warning from Taiwan and instead pushed the party line coming out of Beijing. Why? China’s Communist Party has blocked Taiwan from having any separate standing in the United Nations, and WHO is a subsidiary of the UN. Rather than following the science, Tedros ignored Taiwan’s input when Beijing overruled it. It would take more than two weeks before Tedros and WHO acknowledged the risk of community spread. And let’s not forget that Tedros and WHO got warned of that risk from its own researcher at the same time, and ignored her as well.

Tom Smith of The Right Coast says it best:

Tedros shows the danger of putting Communist hacks from obscure African nightmare dictatorships into positions of real responsibility at our horrible joke international institutions. But other than that, he’s ok.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Chutzpah: Tedros Scolds World for Not Listening to WHO on COVID-19

FX Working on Cartoon About Satan and His Antichrist Daughter Starring Danny DeVito

24th April 2020

Read it.

Yeah, I can see Danny DeVito as Satan’s Antichrist daughter.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on FX Working on Cartoon About Satan and His Antichrist Daughter Starring Danny DeVito

Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Andrew Cuomo: The Media’s Favorite Scientific Geniuses

20th April 2020

The Other McCain points and laughs.

Watching MSNBC today (so you don’t have to) and it’s amazing how laser-focused they are on the blame-Trump narrative of COVID-19. The MSNBC viewer is given the impression, for example, that Joe Biden was presciently warning about this Chinese disease in January, when what is being quoted is not what Biden himself said, but campaign statements issued on the candidate’s behalf. Likewise, Joe Scarborough passes over as inconsequential the fact that Nancy Pelosi, who now presumes to lecture the president about “science,” was in January and February leading an impeachment effort in Congress that might have distracted the president from keeping up with the latest developments in the pandemic.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Andrew Cuomo: The Media’s Favorite Scientific Geniuses

Gibberish Asian Font Mystery Solved

18th April 2020

Read it.

Alan Siegrist, a professional Japanese-English translator, member of both Japan Association of Translators (JAT) and American Translators Association (ATA), has finally solved the mystery of gibberish “Asian Font”.

Cobble together an ‘alphabet’ of ideograms and charge hipster Players a wad to look like clueless dorks. Win-win.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Gibberish Asian Font Mystery Solved

NYT Op-Ed Calls for People fo Stop Using Toilet Paper

6th April 2020

Read it.

The New York Times has published an Op-Ed which shames people into the ‘correct’ way to clean up after dropping a steamer – arguing that amid an absurd toilet paper shortage due to coronavirus, people should simply ditch trees and begin using bidets to strip-mine their crevices.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on NYT Op-Ed Calls for People fo Stop Using Toilet Paper

Florida Man Arrested for Felony Theft of 66 Rolls of Toilet Paper from Hotel

22nd March 2020

Read it.

WHAT IS IT WITH THE TOILET PAPER? People are going crazy.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Florida Man Arrested for Felony Theft of 66 Rolls of Toilet Paper from Hotel

Hollywood’s Tone Deaf ‘Imagine’ Cover Unites Left, Right

21st March 2020

Read it.

Whatever would we do without celebrities?

(I, for one, would be deeply ashamed to claim Sarah Silverman for a friend….)

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Hollywood’s Tone Deaf ‘Imagine’ Cover Unites Left, Right

New York Liquor Stores Deemed “Essential” Under Cuomo’s Statewide Order

21st March 2020

Read it.

Priorities, man, priorities.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on New York Liquor Stores Deemed “Essential” Under Cuomo’s Statewide Order

Oregon Police Are Cautioning People Not to Call 911 When Their Toilet Paper Runs Out

16th March 2020

Read it.

NOT the Babylon Bee.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Oregon Police Are Cautioning People Not to Call 911 When Their Toilet Paper Runs Out

Embarrassing Festival of Never Trump Losers Occurs for Some Reason

27th February 2020

Read it.

Ahoy, suckers! Conservative, Inc., is back at it again, trading in its classic cruise ship motif for a figurative dinghy in its never-ending quest to separate you from your money and themselves from the shredded tatters of their ruined dignity.

Woke Rule No. 1 is that anything with “Principles” in its name is a grift. Now, something called “Principles First” – ugh – is trying to shoehorn into CPAC’s spotlight with its “National Summit on Principled Conservatism” to be held in D.C. on February 29th, and for the low, low, almost certainly lib tech tycoon-subsidized price of $10, you can attend this sexless Never Trump Freaknik.

It’s an opportunity to get one-on-one with all your favorite relevancy-challenged B-list MSNBCNN guests for a full day of complaining about Donald Trump and having them show you on the doll exactly where Trump hurt them. Brace yourselves for impassioned pleas by impotent weirdos to vote for the crusty commie curmudgeon because Trump sends mean tweets, plus plenty of “Oh well I nevers” and “We’re better than thats” as Pearl Clutchfest 2020 gets well and truly lit.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Embarrassing Festival of Never Trump Losers Occurs for Some Reason

Craft Beer Hater Pulls Gun On People Outside Brooklyn’s Other Half Brewing Company

11th February 2020

Read it.

Chaos erupted outside a popular Brooklyn brewery Friday night, when an apparently annoyed craft-beer hater pulled a gun on a long line of people who were waiting to buy the latest designer IPA, according to cops and online reports.

No shots were fired during the squabble outside the Other Half Brewing Company in Carroll Gardens — and a suspect was being questioned Saturday, police said.

The gun-slinging skeptic struck around the corner from the brewery, on Garnet Street, where beer lovers with camp chairs and hand trucks regularly line up overnight to buy limited-run, $18 four-packs in collectible cans, sold when the doors open Saturday mornings.

Thank God for those strict gun control laws in New York or somebody might have gotten hurt. Assuming hipsters can shoot straight at all.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Craft Beer Hater Pulls Gun On People Outside Brooklyn’s Other Half Brewing Company

The UK’s Dumbest Terrorist Tests the Dumbest Justice System a Third Time

5th February 2020

Read it.

On a summer day in the UK, Mohiussunnath Chowdhury left his Luton home, took an anime sword that he had sharpened, typed “Windsor Castle” into his phone, and then followed the directions on the map.

“Tell everyone that I love them and that they should struggle against the enemies of Allah,” the aspiring Muslim terrorist had declared. “The Queen and her soldiers will all be in the hellfire.”

Instead of finding Queen Elizabeth II at the Windsor Castle, Mohiussunnath found that it was a pub offering “great real ales” and “fresh food”. The infidel phone had tried to divert the devout Muslim. Despite the Berkshire pub’s offerings of “grilled loin of pork” and Jägermeister, he didn’t attack it.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 5 Comments »

Fact-Checking Jokes: It’s a Thing

4th February 2020

Read it.

As you no doubt are aware, the liberal Snopes.com web site has repeatedly “fact checked” satirical stories on the Babylon Bee, America’s foremost satire site, or–as Glenn Reynolds says–America’s paper of record. In a related development, and consistent with the hypothesis that liberals undergo an initiation in which any possible sense of humor is surgically removed, CNN reacted angrily to President Trump’s joke that Michael Bloomberg was looking for a box to stand on in the Democratic debates (to which, by the way, he apparently is being admitted via a rule change as part of the DNC’s “stop Bernie” hysteria).

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Fact-Checking Jokes: It’s a Thing

Hillary Tweets “No One Is Above the Law” Then Refuses To Accept Lawsuit Against Her

31st January 2020

Read it.

In an hilarious hypocritical display, Hillary Clinton tweeted out “In America, no one is above the law,” on the same day that she used her secret service detail to turn away legal documents attempting to be served to her as part of a lawsuit.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Hillary Tweets “No One Is Above the Law” Then Refuses To Accept Lawsuit Against Her

UK Schools Warned to Watch Out For “Xenophobia” as Coronavirus Spreads

29th January 2020

Read it.

Thank God courageous school authorities have their finger on the pulse amidst a rapidly spreading potential pandemic and have faced up to the real threat it poses to large numbers of people gathered in close spaces; That threat being that someone might get offended.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on UK Schools Warned to Watch Out For “Xenophobia” as Coronavirus Spreads

Al Shabaab Terror Group Bans Single-Use Plastic Bags

25th January 2020

Read it.

This appears to be from a legitimate news source.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Al Shabaab Terror Group Bans Single-Use Plastic Bags

Great: Gucci’s New Fashion Line Has a Theme of… “Anti-Toxic-Masculinity”

21st January 2020

Ace of Spades points and laughs.

h right. I can see how that would work perfectly for, you know, clothes.

How do you fight toxic masculinity with clothes, you ask?

Simple. You just do what every designer’s been doing for 30 years — dress up men in effeminate clothing, including skirts and babydoll dresses.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Great: Gucci’s New Fashion Line Has a Theme of… “Anti-Toxic-Masculinity”

UK Company Creates Knives Without Tips as Crime Wave Soars to Decade High

20th January 2020

Read it.

Make knife without a tip.

Give it to a criminal.

Watch him file a tip on it and use it to kill somebody.

Pat yourself on the back for virtue-signalling that has no effect.

Rinse. Repeat.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on UK Company Creates Knives Without Tips as Crime Wave Soars to Decade High

Squad Member Opens New Front in World War Hair

17th January 2020

Steve Sailer reports on the important news.

The Theory of Intersectionality: The less you resemble Shakespeare, Newton, or Einstein demographically, the more you are a Hidden Figure with genius insights that have been marginalized since 1619.

The Reality of Intersectionality: Black women talking about their hair….

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Squad Member Opens New Front in World War Hair

PETA Slams AOC for Failing to Adopt, Not Shop

10th January 2020

Read it.

The shame of it.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on PETA Slams AOC for Failing to Adopt, Not Shop

This Wearable Vest Grows a Self-Sustaining Garden Watered by Your Own Urine

29th December 2019

Read it.

If, of course, that’s what you want to do.

I would however suggest that if you see one coming you’d better step aside.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on This Wearable Vest Grows a Self-Sustaining Garden Watered by Your Own Urine

WORST OF THE DECADE: Celebrity Freak-Outs!

27th December 2019

Read it.

All this week, NewsBusters is recounting the most obnoxious liberal bias of the decade. On Monday, we presented the most outrageous examples of journalists fawning over liberal or left-wing icons; on Tuesday, we showcased some of this year’s nastiest attacks on conservatives; Wednesday, we highlighted the media’s Trump Derangement Syndrome; and yesterday reviewed the most over-the-top adulation of Barack Obama.

Today, we look at some of the most outrageous celebrity quotes of the decade.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on WORST OF THE DECADE: Celebrity Freak-Outs!

Protest Pandemonium: A Look at the Most Ridiculous Campus Demonstrations of 2019

21st December 2019

Read it.

A little entertainment for your Saturday.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Protest Pandemonium: A Look at the Most Ridiculous Campus Demonstrations of 2019

Biological Male Files Lawsuit Demanding Entry Into Female Beauty Pageant

21st December 2019

Read it.

Lawyers for Anita Green filed suit Tuesday against United States of America Pageants in the U.S. District Court for the District of Oregon, alleging the organization unlawfully discriminated against Green by limiting the competition to “natural born females,” according to court documents reviewed by The Daily Caller News Foundation.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Homelessness Conference In Seattle Featured Transgender Stripper

15th December 2019

Read it.

Your tax dollars at work.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Homelessness Conference In Seattle Featured Transgender Stripper

Nature Magazine Jumps the Shark

15th December 2019

Read it.

As Scott Adams is fond of pointing out, the advent of digital analytics has changed the business model of publications from publishing things that people might want to read to publishing things that can be paired with scary headlines that will inspire clicks, the clicks that make money. The reason formerly reasonable science-oriented publications have turned into part of the Woke Mob is that they have discovered that if you want the clicks you have to serve the most easily outraged among the Great Unwashed, and those are invariably the Woke.

 

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Nature Magazine Jumps the Shark

Man Brings “Emotional Support Clown” To Meeting Where He Was Laid Off

14th December 2019

Read it.

I dare say he wasn’t the only clown in the room.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Man Brings “Emotional Support Clown” To Meeting Where He Was Laid Off

Merely Possessing a Placebo Analgesic Reduced Pain Intensity: Preliminary Findings from a Randomized Design

13th December 2019

Read it.

An experiment was conducted to examine whether the mere possession of a placebo analgesic cream would affect perceived pain intensity in a laboratory pain-perception test. Healthy participants read a medical explanation of pain aimed at inducing a desire to seek pain relief and then were informed that a placebo cream was an effective analgesic drug. Half of the participants were randomly assigned to receive the cream as an unexpected gift, whereas the other half did not receive the cream. Subsequently, all participants performed the cold-pressor task. We found that participants who received the cream but did not use it reported lower levels of pain intensity during the cold-pressor task than those who did not receive the cream. Our findings constitute initial evidence that simply possessing a placebo analgesic can reduce pain intensity. The study represents the first attempt to investigate the role of mere possession in understanding placebo analgesia.

Homeopathy, anyone?

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Merely Possessing a Placebo Analgesic Reduced Pain Intensity: Preliminary Findings from a Randomized Design

Not All Oats Are Gluten Free—Here’s How to Be Sure You’re Safe

11th December 2019

Popular ‘Science’.

If you’re worried about whether your oats are gluten-free, you need to remove yourself from the coast before the rising sea levels drown you.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Not All Oats Are Gluten Free—Here’s How to Be Sure You’re Safe