Toothless Spring.
8th May 2026
Welcome to Dr. Fantasmo’s Dental Fun House
My wife and I went in for dental cleanings, and we learned something that might be very helpful to you. And it’s time-sensitive.
The hippies and trannies have ruined dental floss.
Many people have huge gaps between their teeth, so they can use any kind of floss they want. My teeth are close together, so if I use the wrong floss, it snaps. This is not a rare condition.
In order to fix the problem, our wonderful dental establishment came up with floss made from Teflon. The best-known brand is Glide. It moves in and out of dental gaps much more easily than the old string-and-wax stuff.
I have been buying the Walmart version of this stuff for a long time. I buy it in large quantities so I get the best prices and so I don’t run out fast. I am still working on my last container.
At my cleaning, my hygienist got very angry. She was using some kind of horrible floss that kept snapping, and it felt like she was dragging butcher’s twine between my teeth. She got fed up and started using some kind of little pointy things to get the polishing paste out. I wondered why she was using floss she clearly hated.
I told her I used Teflon floss, and she said it was no longer available.
I was horrified, and when I got home, I did some research. She was right. Since I bought my last shipment of floss, the hippies in a couple of degenerate hippie states banned Teflon floss. Of course, this means it’s banned for everyone else, because companies don’t want to make different floss for different states, and because they don’t want hysterical, hormonal women crying that Oral-B is trying to kill their children.
There are chemicals called PFAS (or something like that) and they are used in the manufacture of Teflon floss. By the time the floss is made, there are only tiny traces of these chemicals in it, and you can probably imagine how much of that will get into your body in a lifetime of flossing. Doesn’t matter. Estrogen is the mind-killer, and you can’t reason with a nose-ringed woman full of SSRI’s.
Incidentally, one of the outfits that got rid of good floss is called Silent Spring, which is named for the 1961 Rachel Carson book that killed millions of little brown people by getting DDT banned because of a greatly exaggerated fear that it might thin bird eggshells. With the use of DDT, the incidence of malaria in Ceylon went from millions per year to 17, and when DDT was withdrawn, numbers shot back up, and there was a tsunami of fatalities as needless deaths resumed.
Malaria is not a joke. You can’t just take a spoonful of quinine and get out of bed, instantly healed, and do jumping jacks. It causes excruciating pain and kills people.
Mosquitoes spread other diseases such as zika and yellow fever. But never mind. Rachel Carson got her chance to virtue-signal.
So what do you do if you want to floss your teeth?
I use a tool called GUM Soft Picks. Using actual dental floss is Too Much Like Work.