Pennies Are Trash Now
16th November 2025
The Atlantic, a Voice of the Crust.
What, exactly, is the plan for all the pennies?
Many Americans—and many people who, though not American, enjoy watching from a safe distance as predictable fiascoes unfold in this theoretical superpower from week to week—find themselves now pondering one question. What is the United States going to do with all the pennies—all the pennies in take-a-penny-leave-a-penny trays, and cash registers, and couch cushions, and the coin purses of children, and Big Gulp cups full of pennies; all the pennies that are just lying around wherever—following the abrupt announcement that the country is no longer in the penny game and will stop minting them, effective immediately?
The answer appears to be nothing at all. There is no plan.
This is the sort of proglodyte twat that writes for the Narrative Media. Whatever it is, there has to be a plan. A government plan. To be without a government plan is to be outside of civilization. The very foundation of the world will tremble.
Exactly why there needs to be a plan for the pennies now in circulation is never discussed. Never even mentioned.
Can’t people just spend ’em if they got ’em? 300 billion. That ought to be enough to keep people happy.
Could they stick them in penny-collection cards?
Melt them down for model soldiers?
Put them on railroad tracks because that just the dumb shit that people do?
Apparently not.
There must be a plan. And it must be a government plan. Else the universe will dissolve into chaos.