The Muggle Party
8th October 2025
It is a truth universally acknowledged, yet whispered only in enlightened places, that the first-past-the-post British political system is a machine designed with one grim weakness: to periodically vomit into power a last-man-standing government of Muggles. Not the whimsical, wand-waving kind, but a far more desolate breed: the Labour Muggle. This unsightly creature is not born, but unexpectedly elected. Its natural habitat is the seat left festering after a Conservative collapse, its sustenance the diktats of trade union focus groups fed fat on biscuits, and its highest ambition the serene, managed administration of national decline.