‘Why is this airplane seat $42 more than the one behind it? Because someone will pay it.’
30th April 2017
“While the plane is preparing for takeoff, please pretend to pay attention to the flight attendant with the game smile, going through the safety instructions. It’s humiliating for her, standing in the aisle showing you how to put on a seat belt like it’s 1962. She could put this around her neck and pull the strap until she’s blue and you wouldn’t notice.
“Whoever makes eye contact with her gets a free drink. Anyone? No? Well, thank you for choosing to fly with us today, even though we know it had everything to do with price and nothing to do with the brand we spend millions promoting. Do you even know which airline you’re on? No.
“When we’ve reached cruising altitude we will be coming by with small pieces of shellac painted to look like pretzels.”