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Spring does not bring to mind apples, but with the start of the growing season a nonprofit group called Renewing America’s Food Traditions (RAFT), which works with Slow Food, has declared this the year of the heirloom apple.

SWPL food you can believe in.

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To illustrate what a growing number of literary scholars consider the most exciting area of new research, Lisa Zunshine, a professor of English at the University of Kentucky, refers to an episode from the TV series “Friends.”

I’m sure she does. How would you like to go through life with a name like ‘Zunshine’?

Now English professors and graduate students are asking them too. They say they’re convinced science not only offers unexpected insights into individual texts, but that it may help to answer fundamental questions about literature’s very existence: Why do we read fiction? Why do we care so passionately about nonexistent characters? What underlying mental processes are activated when we read?

An even more fundamental question is, Who the hell cares?

At a time when university literature departments are confronting painful budget cuts, a moribund job market and pointed scrutiny about the purpose and value of an education in the humanities, the cross-pollination of English and psychology is a providing a revitalizing lift.

Oh, yes, I forgot: Tenure doesn’t grow on trees.

Heh.

Getting your comeuppance in internet time. This is a great time to be alive.

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Residents of his district, which covers Harlem and part of the upper West Side, know chutzpah when they see it.

“Well, I think if anyone is going to tell you how to pay – or not pay – taxes, he’s your guy,” chuckled retiree Ed Hanft, 85. “It’s too much of a reminder to his constituents as to what he did. He shouldn’t talk about taxes at all.”

Reno Brown, 89, agreed. “I’d never take tax advice from that guy,” Brown told the Daily News.
“It’s probably not the best time to put something like that out,” observed Keisha Jones, 40.

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We have the technology.

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The chief of the French chef’s association has barricaded herself into her office in an attempt to stop union members from giving her the sack.

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A Southend Jedi Knight who refused to dehood in his local Jobcentre was escorted from the premises by security stormtroopers, the Sun  reports.

Chris Jarvis, 31, is described as a Star Wars fan and member of the International Church of Jediism. Said church’s intergalactic hoodie uniform is at odds with the strict doctrine of the Department for Work and Pensions, which may require Jobcentre “customers” to remove crash helmets or hoods for “security reasons”.

Regarding burqas and the like, Jarvis protested: “I was just standing up for my beliefs. Muslims can walk around in whatever religious gear they like, so why can’t I?”

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In a novel way to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the death of the poet Philip Larkin, a council is to spend £200,000 on 65 giant fibreglass toads.

When you care enough to send the very best….

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The woman, known as “Kylie”, alleged that the massage parlour’s boss dismissed her for choosing her clients and for spending time with her boyfriend, who did not pay for her services, according to a report from the South African Press Association.

‘There once was a union maid, she never was afraid….’

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As, indeed, you might expect.

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Sometimes the old ways are best.

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A California city forces an old woman out of her home, knocks it down, and then demands that she pay $20,000 to cover the cost of demolishing the house, storing her belongings, and putting her up in a hotel.

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Imagine the ignominy.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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What is that old phrase? “Academic politics are so vicious because the stakes are so small”?

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Some people just have too much time on their hands. This is on a par with seeing Jesus in your morning toast.

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Where the analogy breaks down is that the ‘Palestinians’, unlike the Na’vi, don’t have anything that any sane person would want.

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According to Mr Creme, in 1977 Maitreya descended from the Himalayan redoubt where he had been living with a community of ascended Masters, who are watching over mankind with a concerned eye. Since then, he has been moving largely unnoticed among us, waiting to usher in a new age of peace, wisdom and understanding.

Mr Creme had been told this by one of the community of Masters, with whom he has been in telepathic communication since 1959. This is the good news. The bad news is that the new World Teacher may not be, as many seem to believe, an English-born academic named Raj Patel, who for the last two weeks has found himself in the rather unusual position of having to deny that he is the Messiah.

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Those coins are now worth big pesos.

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Well, really. What’s the use of being a psychotic dictator if you can’t have a secret military hideout inside a mountain? (Don’t these people every read comic books? Call themselves journalists….)

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I don’t even have to say anything, do I?

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The Sun appears to have got the shock news from blinkbox.com, which suggested that the $1bn box office barrier acts as a trigger for movie-based sprogbranding. A spokesman offered: “Past the $100m barrier, the chances of a film’s star lending their name to a child increase.”

As the gene pool slowly degenerates….

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This ornate weapon of antiqued cast metal and high carbon stainless steel could pass for either sidearm or spaceship.

I defy any human being to carry this more than 30 seconds without cutting himself. More of an AlGore knife than a Bowie knife.

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Wear YOUR Team Colors on the Vest!

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Experts at Mumbai’s National Institute of Immunohaematology believe Pashtuns could be one of the ten “Lost Tribes of Israel”.

Or maybe not.

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You know it had to happen.

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It’s hard out there for a pipe.

Of course.

Heather had two mommies, and they’re both bitches.

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A devout Rockland County couple is suing the New York Archdiocese for barring their daughter from attending a Catholic preschool because she hasn’t been fully vaccinated.

The couple, who filed the suit anonymously, charges they’re being subjected to religious discrimination and are seeking a court order allowing their 4-year-old to attend the St. Margaret School in Pearl River after the archdiocese turned down their request for a religious exemption.

I was under the impression that ‘religious discrimination’ was sort of the whole point behind having Catholic schools. Shows how much I know.

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The school has to pay, of course.

Oh, Lordy. Probably not safe for work.

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Smart, responsive and elegant, the Copenhagen Wheel is a new emblem
for urban mobility. It transforms ordinary bicycles quickly into hybrid e-bikes that also
function as mobile sensing units. The Copenhagen Wheel allows you to capture
the energy dissipated while cycling and braking and save it for when you need
a bit of a boost. It also maps pollution levels, traffic congestion,
and road conditions in real-time.

Soon to be an entry in the Stuff White People Like web site, I suspect.

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What goes around, comes around.

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Must be pretty bad when the entire team defects.

I want one of these hats.

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Hey, guys, appreciate the lift and the hunting ban.

Miss Arkless said: “He was so casual. He left under the ticket barrier and toward the bus station exit. Maybe he was trying to catch the last bus home.

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The Royal Navy is regularly allowing Somalian pirates to go free because of the risk they would claim asylum if prosecuted in Europe.

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Such people should not be encouraged to reproduce.

Darwin Award candidate.

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Many people talk about living in the past, but I guess the French have found a way to do it.

I strongly suspect that there are some legal advantages, as well, but I’m a cynical old coot.

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The married British ambassador in Yemen, where adultery is punishable with death by stoning, has moved his pregnant mistress into the official residence after his wife of 23 years returned home.

Tyler Cowen has too much time on his hands.

If you type in “is it wrong to” the first suggestion is “is it wrong to sleep with your cousin.”  Number two is (yes, I tested it in Google): “Is it wrong to sleep with your step dad after your mom dies.”  If you type in “is it unethical to,” the first suggestion is “is it ethical to sell customer information.”  Next comes a question about animal experimentation.

Being an academic economist appears to be an untaxing and leisurely career.

Check it out.

Some people just have too much time on their hands.

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The security chief for Missouri-based Joyce Meyer Ministries has been charged with the murder of his wife and family, and lawyers pursuing a wrongful-death case now say they want to include the financially successful ministry as a defendant.

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A former FDA chief sounds the alarm about dangerously delicious food.

David Kessler is the Joycelyn Elders of the food and drug business.

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1. Thank God you don’t live in Britain.
2. Without eternal vigilance, it could happen here. Probably in California.