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Now that the seekers of cosmic justice have taken care of health inequalities by ensuring that everyone enjoys equally poor health under Obamcare, they are turning their attention to inequalities in beauty. Here’s the lowdown:

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A year after “Kung Fu” actor David Carradine died from a dangerous sex practice, his wife has filed suit, claiming he would still be alive if he hadn’t been left alone in a hotel that night.

Carradine was in Bangkok shooting the film “Stretch” when he was found dead on June 4, 2009 in his hotel room closet with ropes tied around his neck and genitals — a likely victim of auto-erotic asphyxia.

The suit claims that Carradine was supposed to have dinner that night with the film’s director but the assistant responsible for his schedule and transportation to the set and meetings left him behind at the hotel after failing to reach him.
When Carradine reached the assistant an hour later he was told “they were already across town and David Carradine would have to make his own arrangements that evening,” the suit stated.

As apparently he did. Not clear how that’s actionable.

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No doubt this is what White People in Britain eat.

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How bad does AT&T suck? Let me count the ways….

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A short while later, after the patients had been evaluated and stabilized, another medic from the Blackhawk detachment visited the hospital to check on the two Afghan men. He found that when a forensic examination had been conducted of the patients’ hands, both men had tested positive for gunshot residue. This meant that in all likelihood they had been firing weapons a short while before. If this was so, then the most likely explanation was this: they had been firing at the American patrol, and after being shot had assumed the role of wounded civilians, seeking help from the same men they had been trying to kill, and from the same helicopters that, each day, the Taliban fighters try to shoot down.

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Not something you see every day.

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You’ve heard of Dancing with Wolves? Well, that’s nothing compared to Networking with Rodents.

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Well, if I were fishing for sharks, I’d certainly want a rocket launcher. You never know.

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1. Thank God you don’t live in Britain.
2. Without eternal vigilance, it could happen here. Probably in California.

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I’d be tempted to rabbit-punch her until her brain wakes up.

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No indication of whether Perry let the coyote draw first.

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A Native American tribe from the Grand Canyon has accepted a substantial settlement from an Arizona university after accusing its scientists of “genetic piracy”.

How magnanimous of them. (What is ‘genetic piracy’? Your guess is as good as mine. Making your Y-chromosome walk the plank?)

One subsequent research article suggested the Havasupai had originated in Asia, before crossing the Bering Sea and settling in the Grand Canyon.

That was a conclusion the Havasupai did not like as they believe they originated in the canyon and are closely spiritually connected to it.

Science gives way to myth, and the world is lessened thereby.

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A South Korean warship was destroyed by an elite North Korean suicide squad of ‘human torpedoes’ on the express orders of the regime’s leader, Kim Jong-il, according to military intelligence reports.

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Archaeologists in Italy have unearthed the remains of a 6th century BC temple-style building complete with detailed assembly instructions which they have likened to an Ikea do-it-yourself furniture pack.

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Scientists in Australia have embarked on a unique attempt to save the quoll, an endangered bushy tailed marsupial, by dropping toads from the sky.

Gotta love Australians.

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They used their disguises to fool officials for more than a week despite more than 300 members of the local constabulary searching for them.

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Spring does not bring to mind apples, but with the start of the growing season a nonprofit group called Renewing America’s Food Traditions (RAFT), which works with Slow Food, has declared this the year of the heirloom apple.

SWPL food you can believe in.

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To illustrate what a growing number of literary scholars consider the most exciting area of new research, Lisa Zunshine, a professor of English at the University of Kentucky, refers to an episode from the TV series “Friends.”

I’m sure she does. How would you like to go through life with a name like ‘Zunshine’?

Now English professors and graduate students are asking them too. They say they’re convinced science not only offers unexpected insights into individual texts, but that it may help to answer fundamental questions about literature’s very existence: Why do we read fiction? Why do we care so passionately about nonexistent characters? What underlying mental processes are activated when we read?

An even more fundamental question is, Who the hell cares?

At a time when university literature departments are confronting painful budget cuts, a moribund job market and pointed scrutiny about the purpose and value of an education in the humanities, the cross-pollination of English and psychology is a providing a revitalizing lift.

Oh, yes, I forgot: Tenure doesn’t grow on trees.

Heh.

Getting your comeuppance in internet time. This is a great time to be alive.

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Residents of his district, which covers Harlem and part of the upper West Side, know chutzpah when they see it.

“Well, I think if anyone is going to tell you how to pay – or not pay – taxes, he’s your guy,” chuckled retiree Ed Hanft, 85. “It’s too much of a reminder to his constituents as to what he did. He shouldn’t talk about taxes at all.”

Reno Brown, 89, agreed. “I’d never take tax advice from that guy,” Brown told the Daily News.
“It’s probably not the best time to put something like that out,” observed Keisha Jones, 40.

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We have the technology.

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The chief of the French chef’s association has barricaded herself into her office in an attempt to stop union members from giving her the sack.

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A Southend Jedi Knight who refused to dehood in his local Jobcentre was escorted from the premises by security stormtroopers, the Sun  reports.

Chris Jarvis, 31, is described as a Star Wars fan and member of the International Church of Jediism. Said church’s intergalactic hoodie uniform is at odds with the strict doctrine of the Department for Work and Pensions, which may require Jobcentre “customers” to remove crash helmets or hoods for “security reasons”.

Regarding burqas and the like, Jarvis protested: “I was just standing up for my beliefs. Muslims can walk around in whatever religious gear they like, so why can’t I?”

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In a novel way to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the death of the poet Philip Larkin, a council is to spend £200,000 on 65 giant fibreglass toads.

When you care enough to send the very best….

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The woman, known as “Kylie”, alleged that the massage parlour’s boss dismissed her for choosing her clients and for spending time with her boyfriend, who did not pay for her services, according to a report from the South African Press Association.

‘There once was a union maid, she never was afraid….’

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As, indeed, you might expect.

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Sometimes the old ways are best.

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A California city forces an old woman out of her home, knocks it down, and then demands that she pay $20,000 to cover the cost of demolishing the house, storing her belongings, and putting her up in a hotel.

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Imagine the ignominy.

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Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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What is that old phrase? “Academic politics are so vicious because the stakes are so small”?

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Some people just have too much time on their hands. This is on a par with seeing Jesus in your morning toast.

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Where the analogy breaks down is that the ‘Palestinians’, unlike the Na’vi, don’t have anything that any sane person would want.

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According to Mr Creme, in 1977 Maitreya descended from the Himalayan redoubt where he had been living with a community of ascended Masters, who are watching over mankind with a concerned eye. Since then, he has been moving largely unnoticed among us, waiting to usher in a new age of peace, wisdom and understanding.

Mr Creme had been told this by one of the community of Masters, with whom he has been in telepathic communication since 1959. This is the good news. The bad news is that the new World Teacher may not be, as many seem to believe, an English-born academic named Raj Patel, who for the last two weeks has found himself in the rather unusual position of having to deny that he is the Messiah.

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Those coins are now worth big pesos.

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Well, really. What’s the use of being a psychotic dictator if you can’t have a secret military hideout inside a mountain? (Don’t these people every read comic books? Call themselves journalists….)

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I don’t even have to say anything, do I?

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The Sun appears to have got the shock news from blinkbox.com, which suggested that the $1bn box office barrier acts as a trigger for movie-based sprogbranding. A spokesman offered: “Past the $100m barrier, the chances of a film’s star lending their name to a child increase.”

As the gene pool slowly degenerates….

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This ornate weapon of antiqued cast metal and high carbon stainless steel could pass for either sidearm or spaceship.

I defy any human being to carry this more than 30 seconds without cutting himself. More of an AlGore knife than a Bowie knife.

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Wear YOUR Team Colors on the Vest!

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Experts at Mumbai’s National Institute of Immunohaematology believe Pashtuns could be one of the ten “Lost Tribes of Israel”.

Or maybe not.

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You know it had to happen.

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It’s hard out there for a pipe.

Of course.

Heather had two mommies, and they’re both bitches.

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A devout Rockland County couple is suing the New York Archdiocese for barring their daughter from attending a Catholic preschool because she hasn’t been fully vaccinated.

The couple, who filed the suit anonymously, charges they’re being subjected to religious discrimination and are seeking a court order allowing their 4-year-old to attend the St. Margaret School in Pearl River after the archdiocese turned down their request for a religious exemption.

I was under the impression that ‘religious discrimination’ was sort of the whole point behind having Catholic schools. Shows how much I know.

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The school has to pay, of course.