DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

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Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Royal wedding: Kate Middleton gives hope to Sugababe Keisha Buchanan

1st December 2010

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Keisha Buchanan, the former Sugababes singer, says the success of the middle-class Kate Middleton with Prince William has given her hope with Prince Harry.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Health Care Union Drops Coverage For Children

1st December 2010

Megan McArdle enjoys the irony.

Perhaps you have to be familiar with New York politics to understand how truly bizarre this story is: 1199 is dropping its health care coverage for children.  1199 is the extraordinarily powerful local health care workers’ union which has pushed New York State’s Medicaid reimbursements into the stratosphere.  The state not only has much higher than average Medicaid enrollment, but also spends more per-enrollee than any state but Alaska.  Every time a governor tries to cut into, say, the funds for home health care workers, the union runs tear jerking ads which imply that the governor is trying to end health care for everyone in the state.

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Got news? An Islamic ratings system for games

30th November 2010

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Now we have a case where a group is trying to rate games for an entire religious body. Kotaku, a video game blog in the Gawker network, posts this interesting tidbit about how a group in the Middle East has launched a ratings system for games based on the tenets of the Islamic faith.

Wonder what sort of rating they give scenarios where Marines are blowing away jihadists.

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Christopher Columbus was son of Polish king

28th November 2010

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But the latest theory suggests that the great navigator, who died in 1506 after four voyages to the New World, was in fact of royal blood: the son of King Vladislav III who was supposedly slain in the Battle of Varna in 1444.

In his third book on the subject Manuel Rosa, who has spent 20 years researching the life of Columbus, suggests that Vladislav III survived the battle with the Ottomans, fled to live in exile on the island of Madeira where he was known as “Henry the German” and married a Portuguese noblewoman.

Mr Rosa believes a conspiracy was agreed to hide Columbus’ true origins and to protect the identity of his father. “The courts of Europe knew who he was and kept his secret for their own reasons,” the researcher at Duke University, North Carolina said.

And if you believe that one, they’ll tell you another one.

I think it’s a variant on the Polish Joke, personally.

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UK: Care home chain says Christmas bonuses ‘discriminate’ against other religions

22nd November 2010

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The new, updated, Politically Correct Ebenezer Scrooge.

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Dancers cause terrorism scare running through tunnel wearing camouflage

21st November 2010

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The troupe, Club Envy, had driven more than 1,000 miles from Florida for the TV appearance, but became stuck in rush-hour traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel between New Jersey and New York.

Leaving their supervisors in the car, the seven dancers and their manager sprinted through the tunnel on foot in an attempt to ensure their journey – paid for a three-month funding drive – would not be wasted.

Who dances in camouflage? And they drove 1,000 miles, rather than fly? Sounds suspicious to me.

The FBI and New York Police’s Joint Terrorism Task Force sent dozens of heavily armed officers to surround them just as they were about to emerge from the tunnel into Manhattan.

Uh-huh. We have a bunch of terrorists in the tunnel between New York and New Jersey. What do we do? Surround them in the tunnel. I would have thought that getting them out of the tunnel would have been the first priority. But I guess I’m not a Highly Trained Professional like the Joint Terrorism Task Force.

One of the group, Eternity Odom, 16, later told local reporters: “It was terrifying. I was crying.” Eventually officers, who closed the tunnel for 45 minutes in all, offered the dancers a lift to the studio, where they were due to perform on 106 & Park, on the BET network.

Who names his kid ‘Eternity’? (Or her kid, in this case, given the almost certain tincture of the group involved — don’t know of many white people who perform on BET.)

And surely this could have been taken care of with a simple phone call? Why is it that whenever the government gets involved, things take forever? (Hint: Nobody wants to take responsibility for making a decision. It took five minutes to get the story, and forty minutes to find somebody who was willing to make a fargin decision.)

But the programme’s producers informed them that it was too late and they were no longer required, and the troupe returned to Jacksonville, Florida.

With greater respect for the NYPD and FBI, no doubt. And people wonder why everybody hates the government.

One final question: Would this have gone down the same way had they been white kids rather than black kids? Just asking.

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Koala walks into a bar – and falls asleep

17th November 2010

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Dude, it’s been a long day.

Gotta love Australians–even the animals.

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UK: Lincs authority lets schools decide on Pagan lessons

11th November 2010

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If you’re looking to improve your child’s chanting skills or enhance their moon dancing, Lincolnshire may soon be the place to go – as the county decided this week to let individual schools decide on the teaching of pagan doctrine.

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Secure Your Donut!

9th November 2010

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Gay Sperm Donor Fights Lesbian Mother Over Access to Children

8th November 2010

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A homosexual sperm donor who fathered two babies by a lesbian after placing an advert in a magazine is now engaged in a legal dispute over access to the children.

Not your grandfather’s Britain. Not even close.

The woman in her 40s, and her civil partner, took the case to the Court of Appeal to try to overturn an earlier ruling that the children should spend almost half the year living with their father.

But the father, a wealthy man in a long-term relationship, now in his 50s, claims it is his right to see his children and they should divide their time between him and their mother.

June Venters QC, representing the mother and her partner, said the children were “aware of the difficulties between mummy and daddy” and were at risk of being emotionally harmed by the dispute.

Oh, ya think?

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Fat children eat better diets than their thinner classmates, study finds

7th November 2010

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Everything bad is good for you.

Don’t like what scientists tell you? Wait a week or two, and they’ll reverse their opinions. (Unless grant money is involved, as with ‘climate change’. That’s cast in concrete, with enough rebar to built a new Bismarck.)

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UK: Rifles banned from cadet parade

7th November 2010

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Army cadets have been banned from carrying rifles on a Remembrance Day parade amid fears the weapons might “upset” onlookers.

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More religion-product from the Episcopalians, the “Seusscharist”

6th November 2010

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It’s hip, and trendy. Christian? Not so much.

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Mafia Boss Arrested While Playing Godfather Xbox Game

2nd November 2010

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Life imitates art.

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India’s ‘untouchables’ to build temple to ‘Goddess of the English language’

31st October 2010

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Leaders of India’s low-caste Dalits are to celebrate the opening of a temple shaped like a desktop computer to inspire “untouchable” children to improve their prospects in life by learning English.

They believe learning English will open up new opportunities for India’s 160 million Dalits in higher education and high-status government careers.

Good luck to ’em.

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Man rescued from pumpkin machine

29th October 2010

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British news is always more … interesting than American news.

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UK: King’s Cross tube murder inquiry after ‘transvestite pushed under train by friend’

26th October 2010

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British news is always more interesting than American news.

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Say Hello To My Little Friend

25th October 2010

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And, of course, there’s always the Death Star Pumpkin.

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Librarian collects 26 years of belly-button fluff

25th October 2010

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Slow news day.

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Minas Tirith in Matchsticks

21st October 2010

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Patrick Acton, 57 has created a massive replica of Minas Tirith, the city from JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, using 420,000 match sticks. Acton, from Gladbrook, Iowa, spent 3,000 hours building the 8ft by 8ft structure.

Some people need to get a life.

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Gwyneth Paltrow ‘to make country music singing debut’

21st October 2010

A sign of the End Times.

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World’s largest toast mosaic dedicated to mother-in-law’s face

19th October 2010

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Slow news day.

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“When the dog bit the ground and it cried out in pain, the officer realised there was a man hiding at his feet dressed in a ghillie suit”

18th October 2010

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Texan ballot papers sent out with flag of Chile

13th October 2010

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Diversity, ya know?

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Sex change dog seeks new home

13th October 2010

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A dog abandoned by its owner after it was born as a hermaphrodite is looking for a home after having a sex change operation.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that….

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Titanic anniversary cruise nearly sold out

8th October 2010

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Only a handful of cabins have yet to be sold on a cruise that is to follow the route of the Titanic to mark the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the ship.

Miles Morgan Travel, which has chartered the Balmoral from Fred Olsen Cruise Lines, said that the 1,230-berth ship would be filled with passengers from 26 countries, including relatives of 30 people who died on the Titanic.

Passengers will be able to hear lectures from Titanic experts, buy memorabilia and sample menus that were offered on the original cruise.

Sometimes ‘morbid’ just doesn’t do the job….

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High court hang-ups

4th October 2010

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Counsel: What is your name?

Chrysler: Chrysler. Arnold Chrysler.

Counsel: Is that your own name?

Chrysler: Whose name do you think it is?

Counsel: I am just asking if it is your name.

Chrysler: And I have just told you it is. Why do you doubt it?

H/T Wheels Within Wheels.

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UK: When equality laws go too far

1st October 2010

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Guidance issued recently by the Equality and Human Rights Commission for public bodies suggseted it may be illegal for any school to require girls to wear skirts as part of their uniform, since this could discriminate against transsexual pupils.

It warned of legal action if uniforms were deemed “gender specific”.

Nurse Caroline Petrie was suspended after offering to say a prayer for an elderly lady on her ward. The tribunal heard that the patient was not offended. Ms Petrie said she “trying to do is help”. Andrea Williams, founder and director of the Christian Legal Centre, said people with traditional values were being silenced “in the name of equality and diversity policies”. Ms Petrie was later reinstated.

Political Correctness is rotting the bones of our culture.

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Spanish fathers entitled to breastfeeding leave

30th September 2010

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Spain is not what once it was.

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Pig learns to walk on two legs

30th September 2010

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The little porker that could.

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Gold To Go ATMs dispense precious metals to the superwealthy, heading to the states this year

29th September 2010

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The devices can be found currently in the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi, Bankshop in Reutlingen, Germany, The Westin Palace in Madrid, and the Orio al Serio International Airport, and they’ll be hitting Las Vegas and Florida sometime this year.

You have to distrust the motives of people who will give you real gold and take dirty paper or electrons. What do they know that you don’t?

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Gender Equality in China

29th September 2010

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Forward, Comrades, into a brave new world!

(AlGore, eat your heart out.)

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Aliens are sabotaging British and US nuclear missiles, US military pilots claim

27th September 2010

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Well, that’s all right, then.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Affirmative Action for Italian-Americans

27th September 2010

Steve Sailer has a great deal of fun with this one.

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‘Racial Disparity in School Suspensions’

27th September 2010

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The obvious implication is that black students are much more likely to be disruptive than white students. (Insert disquisition about dysfunctional ‘gangsta culture’ and that culture’s antipathy to ‘acting white’ here.)

Of course, the unspoken assumption of the writer (and, no doubt, his intended Crustian audience) is that there is some kind of dastardly racism going on there. It couldn’t possibly be that the students actually deserved the suspensions, oh no.

As Steve Sailer points out, you can’t parody this crap because it parodies itself.

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Nomophobia

23rd September 2010

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I would have guessed it meant ‘fear of not having any homosexuals around’ but I would have been wrong.

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Jarhead: Wines of Character

22nd September 2010

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Jarhead Red is a wine on a mission to support the Marine Corps Scholarship Foundation. True to its name, Jarhead Red boasts a robust character with rich black fruit flavors and a finish that doesn’t quit. This is the 10th vintage of Jarhead Red since the inaugural vintage of 1999.

I find the entire concept absolutely delightful.

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D.C. Mayor Fenty Wins GOP Nomination

17th September 2010

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Washington, D.C., Mayor Adrian Fenty, who lost the Democratic nomination in Tuesday’s primary, won the Republican nomination as a write-in candidate, the District board of elections said.

This is just a crazy year in politics.

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You cannot escape by climbing a tree….

16th September 2010

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Bats ‘have regional accents’

13th September 2010

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Just in case you were wondering. I know I was.

Bats can be identified by their different regional dialects, researchers in Australia have discovered.

Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees.

Gotta love Australians.

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Earth’s first all Klingon opera debuts

11th September 2010

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Just in case you were wondering. I know I was.

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It’s a Boy! It’s a Girl! It’s a Technology-Enabled “Sex Party”!

9th September 2010

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In the culture at large, there is something of an obsession with learning the sex of babies in the womb, a fascination that can get pretty creepy and overdone. Some parents are having what they call “sex parties,” where they reveal the sex of their baby in some cutesy way. Websites offer reams of advice on how to make “creative gender announcements” (like getting the tell-tale sonogram put onto t-shirts and sent to friends as a gift, or having “It’s going to be a [Whatever]!” proclaimed on the JumboTron at a major sports event).

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Hey, kid, your toys are neurotic.

8th September 2010

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Toymaker Martin Kittsteiner is hoping children will go potty for his new invention – a family of soft toys who all have psychiatric illnesses. The toys – suffering from everything from bipolar disorder to acute depression – come with their own medical history, a referral letter and a treatment plan. Patients include Dub the turtle with severe depression, Sly the snake who suffers from terrifying hallucinations, Dolly the sheep with a personality disorder and a crocodile which has a irrational terror of water. Martin sells the dolls for £25 each from his website www.parapluesch.de.

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Harvard is always first to leverage the brand

29th August 2010

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Yale, of course, has too much taste to indulge in this sort of vulgar enterprise.

I suspect that this is a startup run out of a dorm room in Eliot House.

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Fidel Castro: Osama bin Laden is a US agent

28th August 2010

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Great. Let’s have him blow up Fidel Castro.

(I can see Fidel and Raoul watching the MSNBC reporter come in and muttering to each other “Let’s have some fun with this guy.”)

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One in four lap dancers has a degree, new research has shown.

27th August 2010

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Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

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Antarctic monks pay tribute to The Beatles

27th August 2010

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Not a headline that you read every day.

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Top Muslims Condemn Ground Zero Mosque as a ‘Zionist Conspiracy’

21st August 2010

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A number of Al Azhar ulema expressed their opposition to building a mosque near [where] the events of September 11 [occurred], convinced that it is “a conspiracy to confirm a clear connection between the strikes of September [11] and Islam.” Dr. ‘Abd al-Mu’ti Bayumi, a member of the Islamic Research Academy [of Al Azhar] told Al Masry Al Youm that he rejects the building of any mosque in this area [Ground Zero], because the “devious mentality” desires to connect these events [of 9/11] with Islam, though he maintains that Islam is innocent of this accusation. Instead, it is a “Zionist conspiracy,” which many are making use of to harm the religion. Likewise, Dr. Amna Nazir, professor of doctrine and philosophy at Al Azhar, expressed her rejection that a mosque be built near the World Trade Center, saying: “Building a mosque on this rubble indicates bad intention — even if we wished to shut our eyes, close our minds, and insist on good will. I hope it is a sincere step, and not a new conspiracy against Islam and Muslims.”

Islam is the new Communism.

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Ivan the Terrible descendants launch court case to get Kremlin back

20th August 2010

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I don’t know what the Russian word for hubris is, but these folks have got it.

Presumably we can expect the heirs of the Romanovs to weigh in at some point.

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E-Voting Machine Easily Reprogrammed To Play Pac-Man

19th August 2010

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Certainly a more productive use of one’s time.

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