Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category
27th May 2018
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Funny how the progs are very fond of unions except in their own back yards.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Planned Parenthood Is Asking Donald Trump’s Labor Board for Help Busting Its Colorado Union
17th May 2018
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The rumbling sound you hear is the staff of tReason magazine emigrating to Estonia.
Hey, if Canada can have a maple leaf….
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16th April 2018
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I doubt that it will help.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on John Oliver Reveals He Bought Russell Crowe’s Jockstrap for $7,000 in ‘Art of Divorce’ Auction
16th April 2018
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If there’s somebody out there brainless enough to pay that, I hope they sell.
A fool and his money etc.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Dorothy’s ‘Wizard of Oz’ Ruby Slippers on Sale for a Whopping $6 Million
12th April 2018
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Because NOTHING is MORE EFFECTIVE in SAVING THE PLANET than wearing green shirts for one day.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Apple Employees Will Celebrate Earth Day by Donning Green Shirts
9th April 2018
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Pro-Trump social media personalities “Diamond and Silk” said they were censored by Facebook for their conservatives beliefs, on “Fox & Friends” Monday and believe it has something to do with the upcoming midterm elections.
What a surprise.
The duo, Lynnette Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson, claimed their videos were deemed “unsafe to the community” by Facebook and said they were told the decision to censor them is final and irreversible.
Welcome to our world, ladies.
“I don’t know where Facebook is coming from,” Diamond and Silk said. “This is clearly discrimination. And this is a violation of our civil rights.”
Actually, of course, its not — but black people have been calling any inconvenience a ‘violation of our civil rights’ so long that it’s worn a groove in their brains.
“How is it that somebody can go on to Facebook, post derogatory pictures of our president with his head being cut off and so forth, they let that stand,” they concluded. “But then you have you two black chicks who’s down with politics, standing there just propping up our president. The American people. Being behind everything and his agenda and they want to shut us down. That’s not going to work with Diamond and Silk.”
Let us know how that works for you.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Diamond and Silk Respond to Facebook Calling Them Dangerous: ‘A Violation of Our Civil Rights’
7th April 2018
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Victims! Get your nice fresh victims here!
I have a question: Whom or what are they protesting? The stabbers? Any evidence that the stabbers give a shit?
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on London Stabbings Bring Thousands of Cyclists Onto Streets for Protest: ‘I want to see my friends again’
3rd April 2018
And we’re supposed to take advice from these people on public policy?
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on The Condom Challenge
31st March 2018
Steve Sailer points out how Californians are even sillier than you can imagine.
As you may recall, I closely covered the recent whoop-tee-doo in Palo Alto that led to stripping the name of the Terman Middle School, the public middle school with the highest standardized test scores in California. The school had been named for Lewis Terman, the father of standardized testing in America, and his son Fred Terman, the father of Silicon Valley. Lewis Terman is accused of advocating eugenics, while a proposal to change the school’s name to solely honor his son Fred, the Stanford dean of engineering who more or less invented the Silicon Valley model, was rejected on the grounds that Fred must have inherited his father Lewis’s Bad Genes.
…
Fred Yamamoto was an interned Japanese-American who volunteered to fight for America, was assigned to the famous Fighting 442nd, the most decorated unit in American military history, winning 21 Medals of Honor. Yamamoto was killed in action in Europe at age 26.
…
Naming the old Terman school after Yamamoto was eventually stifled by Chinese anti-Japanese racism. It was decided instead to rename it after Ellen Fletcher, the late Palo Alto city councilwoman, a Jewish woman from Berlin, who was instrumental in adding bike lanes.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on If Palo Alto Represents the Future …
29th March 2018
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Live is truly not worth living unless you are well-stocked with concealed-carry yoga pants.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »
24th March 2018
Steven Hayward returns with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear.
he biggest albatross of environmentalism is its well-deserved reputation for apocalypticism: the world is always going to come to and end because of. . . plastic bags! Bee colony collapse disorder! Endocrine disruptors! Velociraptors! And of course the big one: c—— c—– (formerly known as g—– w——). This apocalyptic outlook always comes with the same sort of moral unctuousness you associate with a fire-and-brimstone street preacher: repent of your fossil-fool ways!
Why, people often ask me, are environmentalists so gloomy about the human prospect? I have a simple answer: it makes them happy. Seriously: if you point out to environmentalists the data showing many environmental problems on the national and global scale are improving, they usually go into a rage. Good news is bad news.
A few of the smarter environmentalists know that decades of nonstop environmental gore (heh) has been counterproductive, as public opinion surveys show that “apocalypse fatigue” set in a long time ago. That’s one reason why recent surveys even of Democratic voters show climate change to be a very low priority. Most sensible people would rather spend an evening trapped with a life insurance salesman than spend five minutes with an environmentalist.
Despite all of the efforts of the smarter environmentalists to shed their Malthusianism, they just can’t help themselves. Like an AA dropout who succumbs when walking by a well-lit tavern, orthodox environmentalism repeatedly stumbles and goes on a bender. For example, consider Paul Ehrlich apparently getting ready to imitate the Rolling Stones with a 50th anniversary tour of his famous book….
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Gimme That Old Time Religion!
22nd March 2018
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Brazilian women want to be impregnated from the sperm of white American men, according to a report from the Wall Street Journal Thursday.
Wealthy Brazilian women and lesbian couples are requesting white male sperm from the U.S. so their kids will have more Caucasian features, the Wall Street Journal reported.
At least 50 percent of Brazil’s population is black or mixed-race, but women are selecting young sperm donors who will more likely produce children with blond hair and blue eyes. The number of American sperm donors to Brazil surged at least 3,000 percent in the past seven years. It is also illegal to pay men for their sperm in Brazil, which allows American donors more opportunity in the market.
White supremacy on the cheap. Women and minorities hardest hit, etc. etc. CNN might report on this, assuming that they can ever tear their attention from the Trump red dot.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on REPORT: Brazilian Women Are Trying to Get Impregnated by Sperm From White American Men
10th March 2018
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I am not making this up.
I guess the Magic Negro has powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Former NYT Executive Editor Keeps Barack Obama Therapy Doll in Her Purse
9th March 2018
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It seems only fair.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Today Is National Get Over It Day. Let’s Honor Its Patron Saint, Hillary Clinton
9th March 2018
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New Marvel superhero The Magic Negro coming to the Avengers soon.
After all, the adventures of Apple Board member AlGore (a.k.a. ClimateMan) was so successful.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Apple Reportedly Interested in Obama Series if Netflix Fails to Clinch Content Deal With Former President
8th March 2018
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The Democratic National Committee has required equal numbers of men and women on party central committees for decades. In many jurisdictions, the party complies by appointing females to achieve gender balance that elections don’t produce. In some jurisdictions, the appointed members aren’t permitted to vote or give floor speeches, but apparently that’s no longer the case anywhere in Maryland.
Thus, there is already gender balance on the central committee.
But state chairman Kathleen Matthews, wife of MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, isn’t satisfied with a quota for female membership on Maryland central committees. She’s imposing a quota for elected female membership. The only way to achieve this is through gender-segregated elections.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »
2nd March 2018
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This could have ended very badly.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on 24-Year-Old American Quit His Job to Fight ISIS Using ‘Call Of Duty’ Skills Alone
1st March 2018
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Well, there you go. If a shooter shows up, sic the dogs on him. For sure they’ll be more dependable than a deputy.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Students Get Therapy Dogs to Cope With Parkland Shooting
24th February 2018
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A Seattle, Washington resident recently made headlines by mistaking the Norwegian flag for the Confederate flag.
According to The Seattle Times, author Rebecca Morris sent a tip to the paper that read, “Hi. Suddenly there is a Confederate flag flying in front of a house in my Greenwood neighborhood. It is at the north-east corner of 92nd and Palatine, just a block west of 92nd and Greenwood Ave N. I would love to know what this ‘means’ … but of course don’t want to knock on their door. Maybe others in the area are flying the flag? Maybe it’s a story? Thank you.”
However, when a reporter checked out the flag’s location, it was actually a Norwegian flag that had been put up by a Norwegian-American man for the Olympics.
In the hunt for Heretics and Sinners, one cannot be too careful; one never knows how cleverly these ‘dog whistles’ may be disguised. (Remember: If you hear the ‘dog whistle’, then you’re the dog.)
In 2016, someone sent the Indiana University campus into a frenzy by tweeting, “IU students, be careful, there’s someone walking around in KKK gear with a whip.”
The person in “KKK gear,” however, turned out to be a Dominican monk wearing a robe.
Hey, you know what those Dominicans are like — they were in charge of the Inquisition, after all.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Seattle Resident Mistakes Norwegian Flag for Confederate Flag
19th February 2018
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Well, that’s a relief.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Finally! Jennifer Lawrence Taking Year Off to ‘Fix Our Democracy’
12th February 2018
I guess this makes him an Honorary Bush. Who knew?
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 4 Comments »
8th February 2018
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Footage could ‘desensitise’ young people to cruelty to animals, warns PETA.
Hey, dead vermin have rights, too.
I guess.
Or something.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Logan Paul Condemned for Tasering Dead Rats in New YouTube Video
3rd February 2018
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Less than a week after Univision smeared the Trump tax cuts, the owner of that broadcasting network, Haim Saban, has announced that he will be giving $1000 bonuses to his employees due to those same tax cuts. In fact, as we shall see, Saban very specifically credited those same tax cuts as the reason for the bonuses.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Irony Alert: Univision Owner to Give Employees $1000 Bonuses Due to Trump Tax Cuts
30th January 2018
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I have always had my suspicions. Looking forward to the day when all of the other indicia of SWPL white supremacy are denounced. Let’s get on it!
But that raises a further question: Just how do they contribute? Credit card, Pay Pay, bitcoin, what?
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Americans Who Practice Yoga ‘Contribute to White Supremacy’, Claims Michigan State University Professor
29th January 2018
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Over the weekend, St. Louis writer and “scholar of authoritarian states” Sarah Kendzior caused a stir by asserting that it was no longer possible to deny that The New York Times is “now a white supremacist paper.” Kendzior herself had shared an article from the Times just a few hours earlier, but in light of a Saturday op-ed by columnist Ross Douthat she was now urging people to “#Unsubscribe”.
And the twits just keep on comin’….
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on The New York Times Is Now a Nazi Paper. Wait, What?
26th January 2018
Steve Sailer reads the news so you don’t have to.
Not getting the joke has become a career path.
That sort of sums up the modern college experience, all right.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on A Very 2018 News Story: Harvard Female Impersonator Club Forced to Accept Females
25th January 2018
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Amazon’s voice assisting software Alexa is not woke enough for the fine people at The Atlantic.
That’s at least according to male writer Ian Bogost, who spent the latter half of his Wednesday criticizing Amazon for not designing a more progressive robot.
One of the distinguishing characteristics of proglodytes is that they assume what they believe to be the laws of nature, in opposition to which all contrarians are effectively ‘science deniers’.
What’s he getting at here? That women are too detail oriented and preachy — and that it’s a gendered thing? This guy is so woke that he’s actually reaffirming stereotypes and reestablishing the gender divide. I can’t get enough of it.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Amazon Customers Come Unglued Because Alexa Is Not a Feminist
17th January 2018
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Heh.
Hey, I’ll give you these tulips for your bitcoin.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Cryptocurrency Bloodbath Continues as Bitcoin Falls Below $10,000
15th January 2018
Steven Hayward of PowerLine gives us the lineup.
Paul has already taken note of the Maryland Senate candidacy of Chelsea Manning, but I think we have overlooked the comic possibilities of the identity politics train wreck this might offer.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Civil War on the Left, Part 52: Manning Versus the Man
15th January 2018
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This is like the perennial proglodyte attempt to characterize Jesus Christ as a socialist revolutionary. Uh, no.
Unfortunately, ‘civil rights’ is the only tool in the NAACP toolbox — when all you’ve got is a hammer, every situation looks like a nail.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on NAACP Says MLK’s Vision Can’t Be Achieved Without Fighting Global Warming
11th January 2018
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Put ’em right next to the hula hoops and pet rocks.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on The New York Times Wants T\to Know Whether Liberals Plan on Donating Their Pussy Hats to a Museum
9th January 2018
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I like it. It has texture, and scope.
Love to see Trump do this.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Thailand’s PM Leaves Cardboard Cut-Out for Press Conference and Tells Journalists to Ask It Questions Instead
8th January 2018
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It’s a great place to visit, but you really wouldn’t want to live there.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Despite Frigid Temperatures, People Show Up Pantless on NYC Subway
8th January 2018
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Whenever I’m reading a science fiction book involving an alien species, I always put it down if the alien species involved aren’t at least as strange as the Japanese.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Tokyo Opens Snake Café Where Customers Can Hold a Reptile While They Get Coffee
4th January 2018
Read it. And listen — if you really have to.
‘They may have won all the battles/But we had all the good songs!’ — Tom Lehrer
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Military alliance NATO adopts official hymn
30th December 2017
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Proglodytes are people who have never successfully grown up.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on #POH: Pence’s Neighbor Trolls Him With ‘Make America Gay Again’ Sign
27th December 2017
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Drat those poor people anyway.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Study: Poor People Eating Properly Would Accelerate Global Warming
26th December 2017
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Of course he does.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Man Who Sent Manure to US Treasury Secretary for Christmas Compares Himself to Jesus
23rd December 2017
Canada steps out in a big way.
I doubt Santa would want to be caught on one of those disappearing ice shelves we keep hearing about.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Gov’t Website Claims Santa Will Move to the South Pole to Escape Global Warming
20th December 2017
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Well, not really. You can park it right next to Kwanzaa in the ‘cheap imitation’ corner.
If you get a Festivus, you can be a hipster, too.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Festivus: The Alternative Christmas Holiday You Need to Know About
6th December 2017
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Don’t Call Us Snowflakes – It Damages Our Mental Health, Say Young People
5th December 2017
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Ya just gotta believe.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Sign Language Interpreter ‘Makes No Sense’ in Live Press Conference
2nd December 2017
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Sign that girl up.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on UK: Eight Police Officers Injured Following Bus Fare Confrontation With Teenage Girl
1st December 2017
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These are excruciatingly funny and (unfortunately) too close to true for comfort.
Thanks for your interest in Bueller and Co. accounting. We love to hire the most passionate accountant rock stars in the industry. In advance of the interview, please send us links to some of the side accounting projects you’ve done for fun in your spare time.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on What If Other Professions Hired Like Software Development?
29th November 2017
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Hey — he just identified as Japanese. You can do that, nowadays, right?
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Marvel Editor Assumed Japanese Identity to Advance Career
29th November 2017
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Your tax dollars at work.
The major problem with government employees is that they come to believe that just because some government employees (such as policemen) have wide latitude in their interactions with private citizens, therefore every government employee has (or ought to have) that latitude.
This is why it is so amazing for me that in-your-face ‘anti-racists’ more often than not promote (quite loudly) programs that would put more and more of our lives at the disposal of such people.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Man Says He Was Choked Until He Pooped His Pants for Trying to Pay Parking Ticket With Pennies
20th November 2017
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Natural Selection works even when you don’t want it to.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »
7th November 2017
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A Qatar Airways flight had to make an emergency landing after a female passenger found out her husband was cheating on her mid-flight, reports the Hindustan Times.
The unidentified Iranian woman reportedly used her husband’s fingerprint to unlock his phone while he was asleep, before becoming incensed by what she found on the device.
Flight attendants were unable to calm the woman as she repeatedly hit her husband, causing the pilots to make the decision to make an emergency landing in India on 5 November.
Imagine if he’d had the new iPhone X.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Flight Diverted After Woman Discovers Her Husband Is Cheating on Her
6th November 2017
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Apparently the Beast is White Privilege or something.
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Disney’s ‘Beauty and The Beast’ Is Filled With ‘Toxic Masculine Capitalism,’ Rants Nutty Professor
1st November 2017
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Surely this is connected to Putin and Trump. Surely….
Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | Comments Off on Russian Women Strip Naked in Front of US Embassy to Show Support for Harvey Weinstein