DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Grillax, Bro

25th July 2015

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Is this a satire? Or straight? We report, you decide.

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Five Ways Gawain Kicks Lancelot’s Ass

23rd July 2015

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Some people have entirely too much time on their hands.

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Feminists Want to Be Both Whistled at and Ignored. What’s a Man to Do?

23rd July 2015

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Feminists are never happy: whistle at them, and it’s an act of abusive male entitlement; don’t whistle at them, and you’re ignoring women, treating them as invisible. What are men to do?

Ignore, treat as invisible. It’s what Allah would want you to do.

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Dolezal Doubles Down on Crazy

20th July 2015

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I thought we had pretty much covered the entire waterfront on the Rachel Dolezal fraud last month, but who knew that she’d show up for an encore, granting an interview to a clearly skeptical (but in this case how appropriately named) Vanity Fair magazine.

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Manufacturers Strive to Find ‘Argument Proof’ Dishwasher to Stop Couples Squabbling

12th July 2015

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All together now:

FIRST

WORLD

PROBLEM

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Wisconsin University Dubs ‘America Is a Melting Pot’ a Racial Microaggression

1st July 2015

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University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point officials have advised faculty that the term “America is a melting pot” is a racial microaggression.

The common phrase was among a list of examples of so-called racial microaggressions used “as a discussion item for some new faculty and staff training over the past few years,” a campus official told The College Fix in an email.

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Prof: I Chose Not to Have Children, Because They’d Be White

29th June 2015

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I fully support her decision not to reproduce.

In fact, I’ll contribute financially toward her hysterectomy just to make absolutely sure.

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Law Prof: Defeat ISIS By Posting Pictures of Gay Marriage

28th June 2015

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It what may be the silliest expression of triumph at the Supreme Court ruling yesterday legalizing gay marriage across the United States, Rosa Brooks, a law professor at Georgetown University, ponders “Can gay marriage [lacuna] the Islamic State?”

It doesn’t take much to be a law professor these days, apparently. Certainly ideology substitutes for intelligence at a high ratio.

In addition to her post at Georgetown, Brooks is a senior fellow at the New America Foundation, and previously served as a counselor to the U.S. defense undersecretary for policy and as a senior advisor at the U.S. State Department.

My, what a surprise! Aren’t you surprised? I’m sure surprised.

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California Town Calls for Ban on Space Weapons

27th June 2015

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Good luck with that.

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The Mystery of the 25-Year-Old Australian Cat Which [sic] Turned Up in Northern Ireland

18th June 2015

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The ginger cat was picked up by Cat Protection helpers in County Armagh last week. When animal welfare officers took him to the vet for a health check, it was discovered that he had been micro-chipped in Australia.

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‘Black’ Rights Activist Says There’s ‘NO PROOF’ White Couple Are Her Real Parents

17th June 2015

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She said: “I haven’t had a DNA test. There’s been no biological proof that Larry and Ruthanne are my biological parents.”

Describing herself as “transracial” she added: “I definitely am not white. Nothing about being white describes who I am. I’m more black than I am white.”

 

Denial is not just a river in Egypt any more….

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Ford Foundation Tackles Inequality

17th June 2015

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“Ford Shifts Grant Making To Focus Entirely on Inequality” is the headline on the Chronicle of Philanthropy news article about the Ford Foundation, which has more than $12 billion in assets.

The Ford Foundation’s most recent tax return reports that Mr. Walker’s predecessor, Luis Ubinas, was paid $1,891,441 in compensation and $109,294 in benefits for his final year, a sum that “INCLUDES SALARY OF $898,571 FOR THE PERIOD FROM 01/01/13 TO 09/05/13, POST-EMPLOYMENT COMPENSATION OF $954,622 PAID IN 2013 AND PREVIOUSLY UNTAXED DEFFERED COMPENSATION OF $38,248 PAID IN 2013. EXCLUDES $249,045 OF PREVIOUSLY TAXED DEFFERED COMPENSATION THAT WAS REPORTED ON A PRIOR YEAR(S) 990-PF AND PAID IN 2013.”

The foundation’s staff also included a $1.3 million a year director of investment administration, a $927,148 a year director of private equity, an $889,992 a year director of asset allocation, and a $723,728 a year director of hedge funds, according to the tax return.

Maybe if the Ford Foundation is so concerned about inequality, they might think about giving away the $12 billion — not just the income it generates, but the principal — to everyone equally, and shut down themselves, their highly paid staff and their fancy New York headquarters.

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Into the Remainder Bins

15th June 2015

Kathy Shaidle jerks back the curtain.

That Watt-Cloutier was co-nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize along with Al Gore isn’t something I’d personally brag about, but it gets us to the message of her book, which is basically “global warming is melting stuff up here and wrecking our way of life.” Said way of life in Nunavut amounting to paying ten times the price for groceries flown up from the part of the country where we actually grow and make stuff, then sitting in the dark half the year getting drunk.

Carrie Saxifrage, who wrote the second book in question — The Big Swim: Coming Ashore in a World Adrift — also changed her name in adulthood, but for pretentious, First World white lady reasons:

She and her husband named themselves after a white flower that grows on mountaintops, and, as she recounts, “Our families didn’t know what to make of our earnest explanations of how we were claiming relationship to those pure, high places[.]”

I pray that being “high” had something to do with this couple’s rejected-Portlandia-script name-change. The notion of anyone undertaking such an endeavor stone cold sober chills the blood.

The very notion of “climate change memoirs” provides minutes of fun. One eagerly awaits the release of Confessions of a (Locally Sourced, Organic) Opium Eater and Go Ask Alice (About Bee Colony Collapse.)

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Dead Man Voted Mayor of Mexican Town

12th June 2015

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They must have looked at Chicago and said, ‘Hey, we can beat that.’

I predict that he will do a better job than Rahm Emmanuel (or Bill De Blasio, for that matter).

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MERS Outbreak: Don’t Drink Potentially Fatal Camel Urine, WHO Warns

9th June 2015

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The World Health Organisation has warned against drinking camel urine as it attempts to limit the latest outbreak of Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS).

Sounds like good advice to me.

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Malaysia Accuses Western Tourists Who Stripped on Sacred Mountain of Causing Deadly Earthquake

8th June 2015

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Maybe Obama golfing is why the economy is so bad.

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Hundreds Sign Petition to Stop UKIP Marching as Part of Gay Pride Parade

4th June 2015

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Activists and would-be revellers are angry that the right-wing party has been granted an official place in the London Pride Parade 2015 despite alleged incidents of homophobia.

“Nigel Farage, leader of UKIP, clearly does not support the values of acceptance that Pride promotes, and UKIP is an inherently homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, racist and misogynistic political party,” the petitioners argued.

I swear, sometimes you can’t tell the crazies without a scorecard.

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My Name is Hannibal

4th June 2015

Richard Fernandez isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions.

Yahoo says a petition in change.org asking the International Olympic Committee to take back the gold medal Caitlyn Jenner won in the decathlon at the 1976 Montreal Olympic Games has raised the issue of “how to differentiate men and women”.  The petition reads:

It has recently come to light that gold medalist Bruce Jenner is in fact transgender, and therefore, identifies as a woman. We congratulate Ms. Jenner on these new developments and wish her the best. However, this creates somewhat of a problem as Ms. Jenner (as talented as she is) claims that she has always believed herself to be truly female, and therefore, was in violation of committee rules regarding women competing in men’s sports and vice versa. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that we must ask whether or not it is proper that Ms. Jenner should retain her olympic records in light of this, as we must now either claim that Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner are two entirely different people (which we know is not true), or that Bruce Jenner was, in fact, a woman participating in a men’s event.

But it’s worse than that.  The problem it raises is whether we can draw a correspondence between what a person is and the body he/she/it inhabits.  Now it used to be worrisome when one found oneself in earnest discussion with group pretending to consist of Napoleon, Alexander the Great and Julius Caesar. To join in was itself a sign that you had lost a few marbles recently.  But assuming that both the Yahoo article and petition were written in sober seriousness, then society is now seriously talking on Jenner’s terms.  After all, Jenner’s on the the cover of Vanity Fair and on the headlines of all the major news outlets so it must be serious.

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Woman Dragged to Her Death From Car by LION at Safari Park

1st June 2015

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The American tourist was to dragged to her death when the beast managed to jump through her open window at Gauteng Lion Park near Johannesburg in South Africa.

 

Take the hint: Don’t open your car window when there is a lion around. Just sayin’.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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Anonymously Ask a Black Person

31st May 2015

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The epitome of Identity Politics.

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a … Black Person.

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Harry Potter in Ancient Greek

30th May 2015

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My intention was to recreate a version of the book which would make sense to a Greek from any era up to the 4th century AD who had managed by some magical process (such as would only be taught only to very advanced students at Hogwarts!) to reach the 21st century. Objects and ideas would be unfamiliar – but once he’d got used to his new surroundings, the book would make complete sense. So I thought it was very important to have this time-travelling Greek in mind at all times, and continually ask myself “would that have any meaning for him? what would he make of that?” In other words a cultural transposition is involved, not just finding the words. Perhaps one could conceive of a device like the Teleporter in Star Trek – no more fanciful than many things actually dscribed in the JKR corpus!

Greek isn’t a dead language … it’s just resting. Beautiful plumage….

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May 29: International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers

29th May 2015

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Wouldn’t it be nice if, for just one day, they were able to keep the peace somewhere?

 

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Sanders Save the Children Fund

28th May 2015

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I’m starting to think Bernie Sanders’s presidential campaign is going to supply a great deal of high quality entertainment in this presidential cycle. His economic ignorance—too many choices of deodorant!—is right out of the 1950s (but then, as Glenn Reynolds noted his morning, the whole Democratic field has a Lawrence Welk feel to it). Leave it to Remy to offer Bernie some fundraising help:

As Tom Bethell asked years ago when Sanders first went to Congress, how can you tell the difference between Sanders and any other Democrat?

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Inside the Obsessive World of Artisanal Cocktail Ice

24th May 2015

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“If you’re talking premium liquor, you expect premium glass and ice too,” says Andrew Bohrer, a longtime Seattle bartender and co-founder of the Washington State Bartender’s Guild.

I am not making this up.

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PETA Urge ‘Ye Olde Fighting Cocks’ Pub to Change Name – Because It’s Offensive to CHICKENS

21st May 2015

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Campign group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is demanding the St Albans based establishment in Hertfordshire rename itself ‘Ye Olde Clever Cocks’ to “celebrate chickens as the intelligent, sensitive and social animals they are”.

 

I guess these guys were scared by a Disney movie while in the womb and are working out their issues in real life.

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NJ Fifth-Grader Suspended for Bringing a Foam ‘Bullet’ to School, Says Mom

20th May 2015

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New Jersey fifth-grader Aarin Moody got a lesson in his school’s zero tolerance policy after being suspended all of last week for bringing a foam Nerf gun bullet to school, according to his mom.

The Atlantic City boy was reaching for a note from his mom when the spongy projectile fell out of his pocket, alarming a faculty member at the Uptown Complex School on May 8, said his mother, Michelle Moody.

Yeah, a nerf bullet certainly ought to ‘alarm’ a faculty member. Where do they find these people?

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Consumer Reports Locked Out of New Tesla

18th May 2015

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Consumer Reports never spent more on a car than on the all wheel drive version of the Tesla Model that it bought to review.
But its reviewers soon ran into a unique problem – they couldn’t get in the car.

The $127,000 Tesla Model S has door handles that retract flush into the door when not in use, and which are supposed to pop out when a owner approaches the car with the key fob.

That mad giggling sound you hear is Elon Musk scampering all the way to the bank.

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Activist Group Pushes for Probe of Syrian Regime and Its Military Backers

18th May 2015

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Oh, yeah, that’s SURE to work. Why didn’t Obama think of that?

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University Report: A Room Full of White People Is a Microaggression

15th May 2015

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I wonder whether the people who generate this stuff really take it seriously.

I also wonder how the Onion survives, when reality is it own best parody.

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Where You See Tragedy, Liberals See Opportunity

14th May 2015

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Today’s major news story is the crash of an Amtrak train in Philadelphia, killing at least seven people and injuring many more, some critically. The crash had barely been reported before liberals on Twitter erupted with denunciations of Republicans. Why? Because the current House budget proposes cuts in federal support for Amtrak. How could that possibly relate to last night’s crash? Don’t expect logic from a liberal. Twitchy documented the dementia here and elsewhere.

Then it came out that the train was traveling around 106 miles per hour, entering a curve in a 50 mile per hour zone. It seems unlikely that the crash had anything to do with “infrastructure,” the liberals’ magic word. So, are liberals cowed at being not just wrong, but ghoulishly wrong? Not a bit of it. It doesn’t matter what the question is, the liberal’s answer is always the same: money. Specifically, government money.

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Parkour Nuts Conquer the Dizzying Heights of Paris

11th May 2015

Read it. And watch the video.

Parkour is what Batman does to relax.

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How Can Our Future Mars Colonies Be Free of Sexism and Racism?

7th May 2015

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I’m sure you’re losing sleep over that as much as I am. The Guardian is one of the more self-parodic Voices of the Crust (not as bad as MSNBC, but MSNBC are professionals), and I await the inevitable headline ‘Men Land On Mars, Women and Minorities Hardest Hit.’

Luckily the only population on Mars that we know of is a handful of rovers, but no doubt we’ll start a war anyway, before dragging them into some form of slavery or oppression. It’s just what we do.

If by ‘we’ he means the Left, he’s certainly correct. But, to paraphrase Marcellus Wallace, ‘there is no we.’

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VIDEO: This Is Why It Is NEVER a Good Idea to Try and Strap a GoPro to a GREAT WHITE SHARK

3rd May 2015

Read it. And watch the video, of course.

The thought would never have ocurred to me, but, then, of course, I’m not an ‘international scientist’.

Think of it as evolution in action.

Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

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This Is the First True Sea Salt From Oceans That Don’t Exist

2nd May 2015

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Perfect for your foodie friends who think that ‘sea salt’ somehow has magical properties that will, in some ineffable way, save the planet.

(Hey, they laughed at the Pet Rock, too, but that guy made a lot of money.)

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Two Gay Men Apologize, Face Boycotts for Talking to Ted Cruz

27th April 2015

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This is what we’ve descended to when it comes to cultural engagement: A charity group that raises millions of dollars annually to fight AIDS has canceled a fundraiser because the gay guys who own the club hosted a reception with Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas).

The Gaystapo never forgives, and it never forgets.

This looks like a case of cutting off your, uh, whatever, to spite, you know, whatever….

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The Latest Sign of Bike-Share’s Social Equity Problem

21st April 2015

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Bike-share has a promising role to play in city transit networks, but its inability to reach low-income users has become an unsettling problem—and it’s a problem that appears to be growing. Take the latest member survey from Capital Bikeshare in Washington, D.C. (spotted by Mobility Lab). Half of the roughly 3,500 survey respondents reported having six-figure incomes:

CityLab is pretty much a Voice of the Crust devoted to SWPL problems, but my first thought is that if they put the bikes where ‘low-income users’ could get them, said low-income users would just steal the damned bikes and sell them to somebody for cash toward buying a car. Bikes tend to be a SWPL affectation in which people on limited incomes can’t afford to indulge.

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George Lucas Wants to Build Affordable Housing in Wealthy Suburb

18th April 2015

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His rich NIMBY neighbors won’t allow him to build a movie studio so he’s going to put poor people there instead. Pass the popcorn.

(Of course, ‘poor’ for Marin County means ‘worth less than a billion dollars’ so it won’t be all that dramatic.)

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Lincoln Chafee Explores Democratic Presidential Bid

10th April 2015

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Rather like a tongue exploring a gap where a tooth once was.

Would that every RINO had the honesty to come out of the political closet. (Yeah, Lindsay Graham, I’m lookin’ at you.)

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Arrest Made in shooting Outside NYC Casino After Massive Brawl

7th April 2015

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Police arrested the man who fired shots outside a Queens casino after a chaotic brawl erupted due to long daiquiri lines, police sources said.

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Snowden Now Faces the Traitor’s Fate – Worship From Hipsters and Hollywood

7th April 2015

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Even the Brits are laughing at our ruling class.

Brooklyn is the hipster heaven of New York, which is perhaps why it was there that a bust of Edward Snowden was unveiled yesterday.  Not that it stayed long.  The bust of the former National Security Agency contractor was put on a pedestal sometime on Monday with the word ‘Snowden’ glued on the base at the Prison Ship Martyrs’ Monument at Fort Greene Park.  It was taken down a few hours later by parks and recreation employees.

I don’t want to read too much into this, but the brief deification and bringing down of Snowden’s image does seem apposite.  When the Snowden leaks were first publicised the left-wing press – in particular the Guardian and the New York Times – hailed him as a free speech hero, as though free and ‘protected’ speech was now generally agreed to include leaking vast quantities of national security secrets to terrorist groups and enemy states before fleeing to Vladimir Putin for sanctuary.  But the ‘Snowden is just so hip’ theme did stay up for a while. Earlier this year Hollywood gave an Oscar to the interminable Citizenfour documentary, which they cannot possibly have done for the film’s artistry or watch-ability.

But for Hollywood the leaking of NSA and GCHQ secrets was still just so hip.  The US film industry may have been less than amused last year when a studio was subjected to a hack and leak – and all that told us was that one studio exec didn’t think so highly of Angelina Jolie.  But it seems that so long as the secrets released damage British and American security, rather than cause any major A-list celeb rift, then it’s all cool.

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Happy Edible Book Day

1st April 2015

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The International Edible Book Festival is an annual event usually held on or around April 1, which is also known as Edible Book Day.The global event has been celebrated since 2000 in various parts of the world, where “edible books” are created, displayed, and small events are held. The creations are photographed and then consumed. Regular contributors to the site are groups from Australia, Brazil, India, Italy, Japan, Luxembourg, Mexico, Morocco, The Netherlands, Russia, and Hong Kong. The event was initiated by Judith A. Hoffberg and Béatrice Coron in 2000.

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‘World’s Most Dangerous Walkway’ to Reopen Next Week

28th March 2015

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Spain’s Caminito del Rey looks more like an “Indiana Jones” movie set than a walkway for mere mortals.

Originally constructed in by King Alfonso XIII in 1921, the walkway was built high above the Gualdalhorce River in southern Spain. Though the total path is about five miles, the most famous boardwalk segment comprises almost two miles of rickety looking bridges.

Caminito del Rey translates to “King’s Little Path”—a relatively benign name for this tourist attraction where at least five people died, with the most recent happening in 2000s. The walkway has officially been closed since 2001 but many have attempted the trek with carabiners and professional climbing gear.

Think of it as evolution in action. We need more of these sorts of things to filter out the left side of the gene pool.

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Hillary Clinton Wants to Send Citizens to Camps—Fun Camps!

20th March 2015

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The punchlines write themselves on this one, and that’s exactly what’s happening. Hillary Clinton, soon to announce her candidacy for president, spoke last night before the American Camp Association in New Jersey. In an effort to try to connect with her audience, she said, “We really need to have camps for adults. … None of the serious stuff. None of the life challenge stuff. More fun. I think we have a huge ‘fun deficit’ in America.”

I guess laughing at the Clintons isn’t enough.

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Anti-Capitalist Protesters Occupy Wrong Building

16th March 2015

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Hippies have invaded the heart of St. James’s, occupying a building on Pall Mall to protest the evils of capitalism. Yet it seems they did not do their homework…

123 Pall Mall, where the invading lefties have hoisted their banners, used to be the home of the Institute of Directors – and they were the clear target of the campaign.

However, the lease on the building was handed back by the IoD last summer, after an expansion at their headquarters down the road. The building is nothing to do with the business cheer leaders any more.

An IOD spokesman tells the Spectator:

‘We vacated this building six months ago, but there’s a chance there are some old Hayek or Adam Smith books left behind. Who knows, perhaps they’ll learn something.’

Smashing the system, one geography lesson at a time.

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Microsoft Is Now Selling Its Windows Ninja Cat Sticker

13th March 2015

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Be the first on your block to suggest that you ought to be subtracted from the gene pool.

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Pakistan Fines Qatari Royal for Hunting With Falcons Without Permit

12th March 2015

Third World Problem.

The issue of Gulf royals coming to Pakistan to hunt with falcons is becoming increasingly controversial.

Well. There it is.

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The Bush Dynasty’s Central Project Since 1953

5th March 2015

Steve Sailer is on the case.

With Jeb Bush much in the news, it’s worth recalling how central to the Bush Dynasty has been the goal of integrating Mexico into the North American economy ever since 1953 when George H.W. Bush co-founded the Zapata Corporation. (It’s not surprising that George W. Bush named his little oil company Arbusto, or Bush in Spanish.)

I love the smell of conspiracy in the morning.

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Thought for the Day

28th February 2015

Hillary Denier copy

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Texas Truck of Terror

24th February 2015

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Mark Oberholtzer wasn’t following the Syrian militant group Jabhat Ansar al-Din on Twitter. So when they tweeted a picture of a Ford pickup in December with an anti-aircraft gun blazing from the truck bed, he probably missed it.

Until someone mentioned to him that it was his truck. Or rather, it was a truck previously owned by his plumbing company. The jihadists hadn’t bothered to remove the decal from the door for Mark-1 Plumbing, complete with his phone number, before sending out the action shot on social media.

Texas sets the standard for bad-ass.

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Sanrio to Release a Hello Kitty Toilet Seat

23rd February 2015

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Because pooping is the first thing anyone thinks of when they hear the words Hello Kitty, Sanrio has decided to release a fairly sophisticated toilet seat in the character’s likeness.

Well. There it is.

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