DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Scary-Ass Cow Science: Scientist Draws Eyes on Cow Butts to Protect Them from Lions

15th July 2016

Read it.

Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

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Bernie Sanders Endorses Hillary Clinton

12th July 2016

Watch it.

Bernie Sanders droning on about the terrible income inequality in America while endorsing a woman who made $20 million during the last two years making speeches to the very Wall Street bankers that he is castigating.

Truly, Democrats do not live in the same world as the rest of us.

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Marvel’s New Iron Man Is a 15-Year-Old Black Girl

6th July 2016

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Not good enough. She also has to be a transgender lesbian or its RAAAAAAACIST.

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UK Man Acquitted of Rape Forced to Give Police 24-Hour Notice Before Sex

6th July 2016

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A British man acquitted of rape is threatening to go on a hunger strike after police issued an order requiring him to give them 24-hour notice before any sexual encounters.

The 40-year-old man, who legally cannot be named, was given a retrial in 2015 and acquitted of rape. Despite the ruling, police issued a “sexual risk order” against him. Under the order, the man must “disclose the details of any female including her name, address and date of birth… at least 24 hours prior to any sexual activity taking place.”

While it sounds dystopian, sexual risk orders are perfectly legal in England and Wales after the passage of the Anti-Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act of 2014. Under the act, courts need only to find that a person is likely to commit a sexual offense “on the balance of probabilities,” even if they have never been found guilty.

This is what life is like in a country with no Bill of Rights.

Yet more reason to celebrate Independence Day.

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Dicaprio Flies His LA Friends 6,000 Miles Around the World So They Can Listen to His Speech on Global Warming

4th July 2016

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When Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio hosts a reception for a string of A-list stars, supermodels and wealthy philanthropists later this month, he will make an impassioned plea for more action to be taken on global warming.

But instead of holding the event in Los Angeles, where most of his guests are based, they will fly halfway around the world to the glitzy French resort of St Tropez – at enormous cost to the environment.

Last night, green campaigners were quick to criticise 41-year-old DiCaprio, who in February used his Best Actor acceptance speech at the Oscars to warn about the dangers posed by climate change.

Green is for thee but not for me….

One guest who attended last year’s gala said: ‘It’s basically a big party for Leo and his showbusiness friends and models. The models, of course, do not pay for tickets, and neither do the VIP guests – they get to have a nice big free party.’

The Mail on Sunday has learned that guests opting for the Grand Earth Protector Package – ‘prime dinner seating for 12 guests’ at a table near to DiCaprio – costs £125,000. The more frugal Earth Protector Package – seating 12 at a slightly more distant table – costs £82,000, while those content with social Siberia can choose the Ocean Steward Package, at a mere £58,000 for 12 diners.

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Death by Selfie: Man Falls Off a Cliff at Machu Picchu While Posing for a Photo

2nd July 2016

Read it.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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EU to Launch Kettle and Toaster Crackdown After Brexit Vote

28th June 2016

Read it.

The EU is poised to ban high-powered appliances such as kettles, toasters, hair-dryers within months of Britain’s referendum vote, despite senior officials admitting the plan has brought them “ridicule”.

If you want to know why people might want to leave the E.U., here’s a good example. Living in the E.U. is like having AlGore and Chelsea Clinton in charge of your daily life.

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Panther Pounces on a ‘Clueless Man’ in Animal Sanctuary Only to Lick His Face

7th June 2016

Watch it.

That’s a pretty good stalk the panther has going.

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Motorist Pulls Chainsaw on Driver With Gun

2nd June 2016

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A local man is free on bond after his arrest Friday on charges he pulled out a chainsaw and shouted racial slurs during a road rage incident in Farmington on May 6.

Tsk tsk.

Michael Salafia, 30, of 64 Whitewood Drive, allegedly got out of his car with a chainsaw while at a red light and approached another driver, Farmington police said. As Salafia was advancing on the other driver, who was a black male, Salafia started the chainsaw and began yelling racial slurs, reports said.

Despite the name, Salafia is not a Muslim; Muslims aren’t named Michael. Trust me on this.

The other pulled out a gun, which he was carrying legally, police said, to stop Salafia from getting closer. Salafia left but not before accidentally cutting himself with the chainsaw which splattered blood on the other man’s car. The other man was not charged in the incident, police said.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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Academic Loons of the Week: The Yoga and the Commissar

31st May 2016

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Tough to decide on who gets the honor of our Academic Absurdity of the Week award. I was inclined to give it to the ingenious author of “Humor and Parody in Finnish Rap Music Videos,” since I’m still trying to recover from the mistake of listening to a Finnish rock band in a park in Helsinki last summer. (Their “music” sounded to me like a whale being waterboarded.) I can’t even imagine what “Finnish Rap Music” must be like.

Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

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‘Ecosexual’ Students at Santa Monica College ‘Marry the Ocean’

26th May 2016

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I am actually curious as to how people like this actually get admitted to college.

For sure I support the notion that they are all wet.

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A Pair of Glasses Were Left on the Floor at a Museum and Everyone Mistook It for Art

26th May 2016

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Several visitors to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art this week were fooled into thinking a pair of glasses set on the floor by a 17-year-old prankster was a postmodern masterpiece.

Khayatan previously had similar success with a baseball cap and a bin.

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Planned Parenthood Evacuates After Finding ‘Unknown Substance’…Baby Food

25th May 2016

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A Florida Planned Parenthood abortion business was evacuated Monday as seven people were taken to the hospital for medical evaluation and hazmat teams responded to emergency calls over the discovery of an “unknown substance.” It turned out to be baby food.

Sarasota Police Department spokesperson Genevieve Judge said 38 people inside the Planned Parenthood clinic were evacuated and decontaminated at the scene, reports Associated Press. A local school was also placed on lockdown. Some individuals reported shortness of breath in response to the substance, and some were carried out on stretchers.

Yeah, I can see where they would fail to recognize it.

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Woman Who Died Climbing Everest Wanted to Prove Vegans Are Not ‘Weak’

23rd May 2016

Read it.

Guess it didn’t work.

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Twitter Appoints Its First Black Board Member

17th May 2016

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Black women are distinguished by dark skin, broad nose, broad lips, and kinky black hair.

Find a black woman in this picture. I couldn’t.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

Iron Man 3’S Female Villain Got Axed Over Fears of Poor Toy Sales, Director Claims

17th May 2016

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‘We had finished the script and we were given a no-holds-barred memo saying that cannot stand and we’ve changed our minds because, after consulting, we’ve decided that toy won’t sell as well if it’s a female’

The ‘Ewock Rule’ triumphs again.

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Sanders Voters for Trump

11th May 2016

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Those exit polls show a plurality of the primary’s Sanders voters—44 percent—planning to vote for Donald Trump in November. Obviously, this is consistent with the theory that they simply don’t like Clinton, but it goes further than that. Nearly 40 percent of the Bernie backers say they’ll vote for Trump even if he’s running against Sanders.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder….

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The White-Man Effect: How Foreigner Presence Affects Behavior in Experiments

7th May 2016

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We experimentally vary white foreigner presence in dictator games across 60 villages in Sierra Leone, and find that the simple presence of a white foreigner increases player contributions by 19 percent. To separate the impact of the white foreigner’s race and nationality from other characteristics, we test additional predictions. First, the white foreigner’s presence may heighten demand effects, prompting players to try to impress the white foreigner by being more generous. This should make behavior in the game less indicative of true generosity. Consistent with this, we find that game contributions are no longer predicted by real-world public good contributions when the white foreigner is present. Second, those more familiar with aid may perceive the games as a form of means-testing, and therefore give less to signal that they are poor. Consistent with this, in the presence of the white foreigner, players in more aid-exposed villages give less, and are more likely to believe that the games are testing them for aid suitability. Together, these results suggest that players’ giving decisions respond to the white foreigner’s race and nationality. Behavioral measures are increasingly used to infer cross-national differences in social preferences or to assess aid effectiveness—our results suggest that we should be cautious in these uses.

For extra credit, identify this quotation: ‘Porgy, you’re a white man, you have to help us….’

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You Can’t Make This Shit Up: ‘Pet Owners Deserve Family Leave, Too’

3rd May 2016

Read it. And weep.

While the rest of the country is hung up on the necessity of maternity leave — or even the newly coined “meternity” — one group continues to be overlooked when it comes to paid time off from work: new pet owners.

“Paw-ternity” leave is already a reality in the UK — the US pet-insurance provider Petplan found that nearly 5 percent of new pet owners in the UK were offered time off to care for their four-legged kids. (Not surprisingly, the UK is also light-years ahead of the US when it comes to maternity leave, offering up to 39 weeks of paid leave for new mothers.)

It’s time for the US to hop aboard the “paw-ternity” train.

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Feminists Demand Quotas for Award Nominations at Cannes Film Festival

26th April 2016

The Other McCain is on the case.

We know that women directors can make box-office hits — Nora Ephron (Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail), Amy Heckerling (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Look Who’s Talking, Clueless) and Penny Marshall (Big, A League of Their Own), for example — but I have no idea what the overall profit picture looks like on female-directed films. However, the feminists complaining about award nominations for women directors at Cannes don’t give a damn about profit, do they? Neither do feminists give a damn about audiences (the people who pay to see movies, and are thus the source of profit) and they don’t give a damn about the actual work that a director must do to deliver the product on time and under budget.

What feminists care about is an idea of “equality” that actually results in favoritism — quotas for women, or else they’ll file a lawsuit or organize a boycott or just protest and complain until somebody gives them what they want. And what do feminists want? More.

This constant demand — “More!” — is characteristic of totalitarianism.

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My Favorite News Item of the Day

22nd April 2016

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John Kasich is beginning to vet his potential running mates. There have been delusional presidential campaigns before, but usually they flame out quickly — Kasich is delusional for the long haul.

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Glyphosate Found in Some Cereals: Alarmists Generate Useless Panic

19th April 2016

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Environmental alarmists are worse than pit bulls with a bone when it comes to refusing to let go of any random myth or misinformation they happen to pick up. Sometimes it appears that their chief targets are any modern technologies that are particularly useful to humanity. Last month, a really stupid Moms Across America study reported that it had found parts per billion (ppb) of the herbicide glyphosate in organic wines. Basically, the chemophobes found the presence of glyphosate that was between 10 and 3,000 times lower than the EPA’s safety threshold. And never mind that drinking alcohol is a considerable risk factor for developing many kinds of cancer.

So a new set of environmentalist pit bulls calling themselves the Alliance for Natural Health USA is reporting that they tested a bunch of commercial brands of cereals, some eggs, bagels, and coffee creamers. What horrors did they uncover? Take corn flakes, for example. AHA-USA reports that the glyphosate was detected at less 75 ppb which even they acknowledge is 66 times lower than the EPA’s safety threshold of 5,000 ppb. Their highest detection was for an instant oat meal which was 22 times lower than the EPA’s safety threshold for oats 30,000 ppb. The AHA-USA did manage to find organic cage free eggs in which glyphosate residues were double to triple the EPA’s very low threshold of 50 ppb.

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US Election: Hundreds of Thousands of Californians Thought to Have Mistakenly Registered for Far-Right Party Ahead of Key Primary Vote

18th April 2016

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Hundreds of thousands of Californians may have mistakenly registered as members of a far-right political party with segregationist roots, which opposes same-sex marriage and abortion and has called for the construction of a Trump-style wall along the US-Mexican border.

An investigation by the Los Angeles Times found that that as many as three in four supposed supporters of California’s American Independent Party (AIP) believed they were registering as independent voters, free of party affiliation. Their mistake could prevent them casting potentially crucial votes in the Golden State’s primary on 7 June.

Among those thought to have ticked the AIP box on their voter registration forms, under the erroneous impression they were declaring themselves independents, are actors Demi Moore and Emma Stone; former boxer Sugar Ray Leonard; Mark Pincus, founder of tech firm Zynga; and Patrick Schwarzenegger, the son of former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Talk about your Low Information Voter … and their vote is just as good as yours. Think about it.

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Academic Absurdity of the Week: The Coming Vegankampf

18th April 2016

Steven Hayward of Powerline is on the case.

Really, I don’t mean to pick on vegans relentlessly. I actually know a couple of conservative vegans, and hey, if you want to deprive yourself of tasty animals, it’s a free country. But of course there are the other kind of vegans who, following most leftist enthusiasms, would like to make it mandatory for everyone.

The first step is integrating veganism fully into the current mode of identity politics, thus providing a pretext for Bruce Springstein to boycott cattle-ranching states or something. Behold this Ph.D abstract from Durham University:

Queering Veganism: A Biographical, Visual and Autoethnographic Study of Animal Advocacy.

Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

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Priests Are Handing Out ‘How to Recognise Us’ Guides After One Father Was Mistaken for a KKK Member

17th April 2016

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Father Jude McPeak was on his way to get some frozen yoghurt when he was mistaken for a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

McPeak, a Dominican friar and member of the St Paul’s Catholic Church network in Bloomington, Indiana, caused alarm on the city’s university campus after students thought he was a klansman walking around town with a whip.

The only whip McPeak had that evening, however, was in frozen yoghurt form. A set of rosary beads hung from his white robes.

Having gone to graduate school at I.U., I can testify that they are not the sharpest knives in the drawer — those go to Purdue or Notre Dame.

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The Sanders Surprise

14th April 2016

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Everything you need to know about the 2016 race for the Democratic presidential nomination can be found in a single moment in one of the early debates, when Bernie Sanders was asked for his thoughts on banks. His face creased in pharisaical rage.

“They trample on the middle class, they control Washington, and why do they chain all their pens to the desks?” he demanded. “You gotta break up the banks into little pieces and then flush the pieces down the toilet so you can never put the banks back together. Then you just make the bankers pay for college for everyone, and America’s fixed!”

People used to scratch their heads over how the Nazis could be democratically elected to govern so civilized a country as Germany. Well, Bernie Sanders is demonstrating that it isn’t as hard as you might suppose.

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German Soldiers Forced to Leave NATO Exercise Early Due to Overtime Limits

11th April 2016

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German soldiers were forced to leave a four-week Nato military exercise in Norway after 12 days after using up all their overtime.

Currently, military personnel are allotted a 41-hour working week where overtime cannot be compensated by additional income but with corresponding free time.

Soldiers have complained to the German parliamentary watchdog that they are spending entire days doing nothing due to the country’s working restrictions.

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Into Every Life . . .

11th April 2016

Kevin Williamson documents the unimaginable.

I recently was treated to an outstanding example of the genre. Traffic was snarled up on a busy thoroughfare in Houston, in part because one lane of traffic was blocked by a truck. The truck was a water truck, and workers were using that truck to water trees planted in openings in the sidewalk of a commercial district. Of course public agencies must plant trees: If private citizens were permitted to plant trees in sidewalks, then we surely would suffer terribly from variety rather than enjoy the comforts of conformity. And, because the public sector plants the trees, the public sector must maintain the trees.

It is impossible to imagine, even for the sake of argument, that driving through the car-choked urban streets of a city enduring some of the nation’s worst traffic with water trucks is the most efficient means of delivering water to trees. It the sort of thing that just might barely make sense in a desert city such as Nevada or Phoenix; given that Houston enjoys (“enjoys”) a humid subtropical climate in which the nearby Gulf of Mexico dumps about 50 inches of rain into the city annually (about the same amount of rainfall as Miami Beach receives) it isn’t clear that doing that is necessary at all, but doing it during the middle of the day, when there is a great deal of traffic, rather than at night, when there is not, borders on hostility.

Except: This was actually happening in the rain.

The main difference between a robot and a government employee is that a robot doesn’t expect a cushy pension when it’s working life is done.

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CHOICE Launches Free-Range Egg App

10th April 2016

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The app, CluckAR, comes in the wake of consumer affairs ministers’ disappointing decision last week to sign off on a national standard for free-range eggs that has no requirement for hens to ever actually go outside and allows free-range eggs to be produced by hens stocked at up to 10,000 birds per hectare – more than six times the current voluntary limit of 1,500.

For those with nothing more important to obsess over.

(I am not making this up. I wish I were.)

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Bad Yelp Reviews of Churches Are as Hilarious as You’d Expect

9th April 2016

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The sort of people who would do a Yelp review of a church are the sort who are looking for a ‘church home’.

Any resemblance between them and real Christians is only in their own minds, if I may so stress the language.

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Terry Castle (London Review of Books) Does Hillary

8th April 2016

Read it.

It should be awesome, we figure: our first sighting, not only of the She-Deity, but also of her millionaire internet-drone advance guard – boyish CEO putti of Cupertino and Mountain View, who have begun (it is rumoured) to flutter Democratically about her. Young-Titan Tesla guys with entrepreneurial dream-teeth and a no doubt healthy obsession with other men.(They’re good boys at heart: their artisanal leather wallets are made from 100 per cent organic Niman Ranch grain-fed beef.) The rail-thin wives should be there, too, of course: agile, urgent, newly hatched Clintonistas, vaguely dissatisfied with everything, but keeping it real enough with teal-green silicon eyeballs and pricey MRS degrees from Stanford. Not to mention the usual klatsch of ruling-class hangers-on: radical Botoxers; Pilates Instructors for Peace and Zero Body Fat; members of the pedicure-rights community – all Teetering-for-Hillary in black sheath dresses and fuck-me pumps.

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Indonesian Pop Star Dies After Being Bitten By Cobra On Stage

8th April 2016

Read it. There’s video, but I wouldn’t suggest watching it.

‘The paths of glory lead but to the grave.’

Think of it as evolution in action.

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California Man Rescued by Helicopter After Clifftop Marriage Proposal

8th April 2016

Read it.

Michael John Paul Banks, 27, scaled 600-foot Morro Rock around 15 minutes before sunrise Thursday to ask for his girlfriend’s hand in marriage via the video messaging app Facetime.

Banks’ girlfriend said yes, but popping the question turned out to be the least nerve-wracking part of his day.

Morro Bay fire Capt. Todd Gailey told the Associated Press that Banks tried to take a different, “much steeper” route down the cliff than on his ascent.

“He couldn’t go any direction, on a sheer ledge, with his feet dangling 80 feet off the ground,” Gailey said.

I predict a short marriage and a young widow.

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Swedish Scientists Set to Study Whether Cats Have Accents

31st March 2016

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Susanne Schötz, a phoenetics researcher from Lund University, is collecting samples of sounds made by cats from Lund, in Sweden’s far south, and Stockholm, almost 400 miles to the north.

By analysing the melodies and tones of cat vocalisations, she hopes to find out whether they vary based on where the cats live.

Hey, tenure doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

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ELLE on Earth

30th March 2016

Jacques Hyzagi in a delightful piece that is nominally about interviewing a fashion designer but covers so much more.

By 3:45 the meeting was suddenly back on in a bar in the West Village. Then by 3:30 the location was changed to the East Side. By 4:00 as I just crossed town it was cancelled again and back on by 4:15 at a different place but Anne had to go pick up her young kids by 5 so the meeting would be short. Although Anne had my phone she was sending these directives via CDG as if I was working for them and they were then relaying them to me by phone. I had more luck meeting that Hezbollah leader in downtown Beirut for an interview.

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More Fun From the UK: ‘Politically Black’

24th March 2016

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The Evening Standard reports that during a speech given by Marlene Ellis – a Momentum activist and member of Chuka Umunna’s local party – she claims that her local Labour party branch in Lambeth is ‘very, very right-wing’. In a recording passed to the Standard, she is reported to claim that she is ‘tired of black MPs’ and wants ‘policy from a black perspective’, before suggesting that ‘there’ll be some black MPs that don’t align themselves with being politically black’. Given that Ellis is a key figure in Labour’s branch in Lambeth – where Umunna is MP for Streatham – her remarks have been seen by some as a reference to him, although Ellis has denied this. ‘Our argument is that questions of race and racism should be foregrounded in politics and policy. That’s what political blackness is,’ she said.

Can’t say she’s wrong.

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First-World Problems: Latte Lawsuit

22nd March 2016

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… a federal lawsuit claims that the Seattle-based coffee giant deliberately underfills its lattes by approximately 25 percent.

The horror! The horror!

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Harry Potter and the Pointless Outrage: J.K. Rowling Accused of Appropriating Native American Culture

10th March 2016

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This story might make you want to point a wand at your computer screen and shout Avada Kedavra: Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has come under fire for appropriating Native American culture in recently released stories that build on the mythology she created.

Is something wrong with this? No. There is an entire genre of fiction, in fact, built around “secret histories,” where authors use real historical events or legends but retell them with revisionist or fantastical elements.

But Rowling has run afoul of the people who shout “cultural appropriation” whenever someone borrows from an ethnic tradition to which they do not belong. As was the case with Renee Bierbaum—the yoga instructor who was shut down by the county government after a Native American activist accused her of culture theft—a militant defender of Native traditions is asserting that Rowling is taking “a living tradition of a marginalized people.”

“That’s straight up colonialism/appropriation,” wrote Dr. Adrienne Keene, an academic and member of the Cherokee Nation, on Twitter.

Somebody needs to tell these people to get over themselves.

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French Students Encouraged to Smoke At School Because of Terrorism

9th March 2016

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In a country where one-third of teenagers are regular smokers, the risk of an attack on a group of students amassed on the street was deemed greater than the well-documented dangers of tobacco usage. The BBC reports that the union of school administrators first suggested a change in the policy banning smoking at schools immediately after the attacks, but was flatly rebuffed by the health ministry.

Regardless, schools have begun allowing smoking on their property even without permission from the national government, which Deputy Secretary General Michel Richard of the administrators union justified by saying, “Students massing on the street constitutes a very high risk, one that is certainly greater than that posed by the consumption of tobacco.”

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Western Washington U. Students Demand College for Social Justice Indoctrination

7th March 2016

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Student activists at Western Washington University—a public university in Bellingham, Washington—have published their demands, which easily trump Oberlin College students’ demands in terms of sheer absurdity. WWU students want an entire academic college dedicated to breeding social justice activists, separate residential safe spaces for racial groups, and a student committee charged with policing offensive speech.

It’s no exaggeration to say that if students got their way, WWU would essentially become an indoctrination camp. The proposed College of Power and Liberation would teach a very narrow far-left ideology, and the proposed Office for Social Transformation would investigate professors and students who are accused of microaggressions.

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Class Action Suit Filed by Residents Over Flint Water Crisis

7th March 2016

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Not, of course, the Democrat officials who caused and exacerbated the crisis.

Flint, with a population of about 100,000, had switched from Detroit’s water system to the Flint River as a way to save money until a new pipeline to Lake Huron was ready. But during those 18 months, the corrosive water leached lead from the city’s old plumbing because certain treatments weren’t added to the water.

And the REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR could have personally added those treatments to the water and MALICIOUSLY WITHHELD them. So give us money. Oh, and if you throw that stinky REPUBLICAN in jail, that’s good too.

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Oberlin ‘Social Justice’ Professor Claims Israel Behind 9/11 and ISIS

5th March 2016

Read it.

And Hitler was all the Jews’ fault. It’s perfectly clear to me now.

Oberlin College professor Joy Karega, a social justice writing instructor at the Ohio-based liberal arts college, has published a series of posts on social media that largely blames the 9/11 attacks and the rise of the Islamic State and Charlie Hebdo attacks on Israel, according to a report in the campus newspaper that included numerous screenshots of the scholar’s comments.

What is a ‘social justice writing instructor’? And why does an educational institution (outside of a Communist state) have one?

A campus spokesperson told The Tower in response to the revelation of Karega’s comments that “Oberlin College respects the rights of its faculty, students, staff, and alumni to express their personal views. …The statements posted on social media by Dr. Joy Karega, assistant professor of rhetoric and composition, are hers alone and do not represent the views of Oberlin College.”

But if anyone had published similar screeds against Muslims, it would have been Hate Speech Hell for whoever was involved: Fired, expelled, sued, and pilloried in the media.

#BlackLiesMatter. Never doubt it.

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Ve said, xe said: A guide to gender-neutral language

3rd March 2016

Read it.

In 2014, the University of Vermont became the first school to allow students to select their preferred pronouns, like xe or zir, in a campus-wide database. Harvard University, the University of California system and the University of Tennessee, among others, have since followed suit.

But for those unfamiliar with gender-neutral pronouns, using them properly can prove confusing, sometimes simply due to the abundance of terms available

Some widely used pronouns include, but are not limited to, they, ne, ze (singular)/hir (possessive), ze (singular)/zir (possessive), spivak, ve and xe. Each pronoun has first-, second- and third-person conjugations plus plural versions.

Be the first on your block to be so open-minded that your brain falls out.

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This Week’s Cavalcade of Campus Crazy

28th February 2016

Steven Hayward at PowerLine dishes it up.

Some times one thing leads to another, and you end up going down a rabbit hole of campus crazy. Wait—isn’t “rabbit hole” a speciesist metaphor? I’m sure it is somewhere. Will Rogers used to say that it’s no trouble being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you; my paraphrase is that who needs joke writers when you have most of the professoriate working for you.

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Climate Change Benefits the Rich at the Expense of the Poor, Study Finds

26th February 2016

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Women and minorities hardest hit, of course.

[Okay, that ties junk science in with class warfare — if we can only get racism or homophobia into the mix as well, we’ll have the perfect progressive platform.]

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Why Many Millennials Don’t Eat cereal

26th February 2016

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Almost 40 percent of the millennials surveyed by Mintel for its 2015 report said cereal was an inconvenient breakfast choice because they had to clean up after eating it.

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The Most Hilarious Product Placements in Cinema

23rd February 2016

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James Bond loves his Sony smartphones; Jurassic World is outfitted entirely with Mercedes vehicles. All facts we wish we didn’t know about our favourite movies but which, unfortunately, have crept depressingly into our consciousness thanks to the thriving practice of product placement.

And here I always thought that James Bond using a Sony phone was just another instance of government employees being stuck with using products from the lowest bidder.

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Rutgers Students Hold Group Therapy Session After Milo Yiannopoulos Visit

20th February 2016

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According to the paper, students and faculty members held a wound-licking gathering at a cultural center on campus, where students described “feeling scared, hurt, and discriminated against.”

“A variety of different organizations and departments were present to listen, answer questions and show support” to the apparently weak and vulnerable students, who just a few days prior had disrupted Yiannopoulos’ event by smearing fake blood on their faces and chanting protest slogans.

One student at the event told the Targum that they “broke down crying” after the event, while another reported that he felt “scared to walk around campus the next day.” According to the report, “many others” said they felt “unsafe” at the event and on campus afterwards.

“It is upsetting that my mental health is not cared about by the University,” said one student at the event. “I do not know what else to do for us to be heard for us to be cared about. I deserve an apology, everyone in this room deserves an apology.”

God help these kids when they get out of their parents’ basements and into the Real World.

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Bernie Sanders: Gloria Steinem Made Me an ‘Honorary Woman’

19th February 2016

Read it.

I, for one, am fully prepared to believe it.

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It’s Not Just Kids: Pet Safety Paranoia Is a Thing, Too

18th February 2016

Read it.

What’s next? Missing pet pictures on milk cartons?

As if we weren’t already consumed with fear when it comes to our kids, now the pet industry wants in. There’s big money in making us believe we need to monitor our kids’ every move and guard against kidnapping, and Big Pet can smell it.

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