Read it.

I am not making this up.

If you want to boycott rich liberals, however, that’s not an option — they own the government, and you can’t boycott the government.

Read it.

A Seattle man trying to dribble a soccer ball 10,000 miles to Brazil in time for the 2014 World Cup died Tuesday after being hit by a pickup truck on the Oregon Coast.

Let that be a lesson to us all.

‘So how’d your dad die?’

‘He was killed by a truck while dribbling a ball to Brazil for charity.’

‘Oh. Are you going to be that stupid when you grow up?’

‘Gee, I hope not.’

Read it.

Remind me why we have United Nations….

Watch it.

The parking brake has its limits.

Read it.

As a way to improve the gene pool, I suspect that this scheme can’t be beat. I’ll be happy to chip in.

Read it.

As the Pixar-centric site Pixartimes.com reports, the studio behind such beloved movies as Toy Story 3 have long made it known that they’re working on a film related to the Latin American holiday Día de Los Muertos—or, Day of the Dead. On May 6, Stitch Kingdom reported that Disney had filed applications to trademark the phrase “Día de Los Muertos,” which some speculated would be movie’s title. The trademark would have covered snacks, audio recordings, jewelry, cosmetics, key chains and lots of other potential merchandise related to the film. It was a move that raised the ire of many who found distasteful the idea of a major media company trying to establish “ownership” of an important cultural event.

Read it.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the largest installer of residential solar panels, a company called SolarCity, is suing the federal government for underpayment of green-energy subsidies.

Read it.

Grammy award-winning hip-hop artist Lauryn Hill was sentenced to three months in federal jail on Monday for not paying taxes on three-years of earnings, and she offered a surprising explanation for her misdeeds.

In court, Hill told the judge, “I am a child of former slaves who had a system imposed on them. I had an economic system imposed on me.” She said she planned to pay her taxes in due time, but was told citizens do not get to decide when to write a check to the IRS.

She also argued that, given how much money her music made for others, she lives quite modestly. “Someone did the math, and it came to around $600 million,” she said. “And I sit here before you trying to figure out how to pay a tax debt? If that’s not like enough to slavery, I don’t know.”

Read it.

Tony Bandermann was at work when he got the call. His son, Braden, was on a camping trip sponsored by California’s Garden Gate Elementary School when teachers discovered he had brought a small Swiss Army knife. Officials had suspended the boy for a day, and they wanted Bandermann to drive 100 miles, pick him up and then bring him back when the suspension was over. Bandermann refused, telling them they were overreacting. So teachers made the boy serve the suspension at the camp, isolating him from the other students, making him eat his meals by himself and not allowing him to take part in any activities for one day.

Read it.

A North Carolina Eagle Scout who was expelled and arrested for accidentally leaving a shotgun in his pickup truck in the school parking lot has been offered a scholarship to attend Liberty University.

Cole Withrow was just a few weeks from graduating with honors from Princeton High School when he was arrested on Monday and slapped with a felony weapons charge. Withrow had been skeet shooting with friends a day before and had only noticed he had left his shotgun in his truck as he reached to grab his book bag.

When he realized his mistake, he went to the front office and called his mother. An administrator overheard the conversation and called police.

That administrator needs to be taken out back and have the snot beaten out of him.

Read it.

I’m holding out until they come out with High Fructose Corn Syrup of Dune. It ought to be coming around on the guitar any day now.

Read it.

Hey, when you’re hot, you’re hot.

Read it.

I like the Cheeseburger Crown Crust Pizza.

Meet the Greenest Home in America

In the surrounding hills of Silicon Valley stands the impressive Tah.Mah.Lah, the “Greenest house in America.” The home is also the brainchild and abode of Foundation Capital partner and longtime VC Paul Holland and his wife, Linda Yates. We were lucky enough to be invited into their home to hear about why and how they built the most sustainable home in the country.

There’s that work ‘sustainable’ again.

Read it.

As I’m sure we all have.

Some people just have too much time on their hands.

Read it.

University of Rhode Island Police responded to reports of a gunman on the Kingston campus on April 4. Because of a state anti-gun statute, the officers were prohibited from carrying firearms with them when responding to the call.

Watch it.

Read it.

In an effort to increase diversity among its lifeguards, Phoenix, Ariz., is launching an effort to hire more African Americans and Latinos for the positions — even if the candidates aren’t strong swimmers. “We will work with you in your swimming abilities,” said a department official at a recruiting event at a local high school.

Memo to self: Don’t swim in Phoenix.

Read it.

A 13-year-old Massachusetts student caught at school with a knife she used to slice fruit has received a one-day suspension, according to her mother.

Morgan LaPlaume, a student at Wamsutta Middle School in Attleboro, was suspended for violating the school’s zero-tolerance policy for knives, according to MyFoxBoston.com.

‘Zero tolerance policy’ means ‘we don’t want to have to think, we just don’t want to get sued’. Being a school official means never having to take responsibility as an adult.

Morgan’s mother, Melissa LaPlaume, told the station that her daughter needed to slice the fruit because she has braces and is unable to take bites out of whole fruit.

Maybe the school can be sued under the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Read it.

When local California official Susan Muranishi retires from her job in a couple of years, she’s going to be walking away with a fat paycheck — $423,664 a year – for the rest of her life.

Muranishi, an Alameda County administrator, makes $301,000 in annual base pay. But in addition to that, the San Francisco Chronicle reports she’ll also receive:

* $24,000 in “equity pay” to make sure she makes at least 10 percent more than anyone else in the county, even in retirement.
* An annual performance bonus of $24,000, even in retirement.
* Another $9,000 a year for serving on the county’s three-member Surplus Property Authority, even in retirement.
* $54,000 a year in “longevity” pay for having stayed with the county for more than 30 years, even in retirement.

Like other county executives, she’ll also get an $8,292-a-year car allowance. According to the county auditor’s office, her pension would be equal to her annual pay package now.

No wonder the place is going broke.

Read it.

Distant family members of King Richard III, whose body was unearthed in a council car park, are set to challenge plans to bury the monarch – claiming they are a breach of human rights.

This is how far our culture has degenerated. Feel free to weep.

Read it.

It’s not just for bridges any more.

Read it.

President Obama was due in Israel. So the advance team wheels his non-sequestered limo out of the cargo plane and over to the gas pumps to make sure he has a full tank when he arrives. Apparently there is some concern he might have to make a hasty retreat and won’t have time to fill it up later. Whoever was filling it up didn’t know that it ran on diesel and filled it up with regular.

Oops.

Centrally planned societies always fail, when bureaucrats get involved into things beyond their understanding. Of course, those advanced degrees and awards leave them incapable of believing anything is beyond their understanding; and they’re always eager to draft some new legislation. It’s implausible that a simple mechanic might know a little more about the auto industry, that doctors might know more about health care, and bankers might know more about finance.

Don’t tell that to the Obamassiah. He might whine and pout.

Read it.

A group of House Democrats, led by Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton (D., D.C.), introduced a bill on Wednesday to void any existing trademarks that include the word “Redskins,” and to prevent the term from being trademarked in the future. While it is unlikely to ever be brought to a vote, the bill appears to be the latest effort by politicians and activists to force the Washington Redskins franchise to change its team name, an ongoing controversy in the nation’s capital.

This is why it would be a grievously bad idea to make D.C. a state. Seriously — do these people have nothing more important to do that act as Thought Police for a fargin sports team?

Read it.

Grand Valley State University, a large public school in western Michigan, has been justly renowned as an NCAA Division II football powerhouse. Now, though, Grand Valley State will also be known as the school that settled for $40,000 after a student sued because she was banned from carrying around a pet guinea pig.

The student, 28-year-old Kendra Velzen, suffers from chronic depression and has a pacemaker, as MLive.com reports. According to her lawyer, the guinea pig supplies “emotional support and attachment (reducing symptoms of depression), and physiological and psychological benefits.”

If teachers and administrators at public schools seem to have their heads up their asses these days, dealing with crap like this might just be one of the reasons.

Read it.

Just in case you were wondering. I know I was.

New York.

If I ever give up on New York, it will be because of restaurants. For an adult in the city, restaurants occupy about as much time in a day, and impose as many rules, and create a similar insecurity or nameless rage, as school in the life of a child. There are other similarities: going to the right restaurants is at least as important as going to the right schools.

I don’t have a response to that.

Read it.

Maybe I need a new category, ‘Litigation Nation’.

A repeat drunken driver convicted in a crash that killed two teenagers has sued his drinking buddy and two Santa Fe restaurants that served him alcohol.

James Ruiz, 37, filed a lawsuit Wednesday in New Mexico District Court and is seeking monetary damages from the friend he was out drinking with as well as Applebee’s and the Blue Corn Cafe, the Albuquerque Journal reported Friday.

The lawsuit, filed by Ruiz without a lawyer, claims the restaurants and his friend caused Ruiz emotional distress due to the loss of liberty and enjoyment of life after he was served drinks in 2010.

Ruiz said in his suit that he was convicted and incarcerated due to the chain of events the defendants set in motion.

Yeah, it’s all their fault that he’s a dick.

Read it.

Prince Alwaleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia has publicly severed ties with Forbes magazine and its annual billionaires’ list after the magazine estimated his worth at $20 billion. The prince insists he’s worth a lot more, according to the Independent.

The nephew of the current Saudi monarch, King Abdullah, is currently ranked No. 26 on Forbes’ 27th annual billionaires’ list.  But the Prince, whose Kingdom Holding Co. has investments in everything from Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. to Citigroup, put his own wealth at $29.6 billion – nearly $10 billion higher than Forbes’ estimate, the Independent reported.

Guess he hasn’t heard about how income inequality is such a problem. Or maybe he realizes that worrying about it is a First World fetish that he need not respect.

Read it.

Hundreds of pom-poms and knitted items have been strung from trees and lampposts to help reduce the fear of crime in an area of Leicester.

Why, of course! Why didn’t we think of that?

Ms Bilby, a senior lecturer in criminology at Northumbria University, said: “I think that making an area look cosier certainly makes an area feel safer.

Not be safer, you understand, but feel safer. Feeling is far more important than being in this degenerate modern age.

They were made by schools and community groups including the Knitting Guerillas of Birstall.

Truly, you cannot make this shit up.

Read it.

And then there are the stories you read that go beyond our usual category of mere ineptitude.  Such as the Tabernacle Baptist Church in St. Louis that wants to fight gun violence by holding . . . a toy gun buyback.  Just a hunch here: I’ll bet they don’t sing “Onward Christian Soldiers” in that congregation.

Read it.

A Florida high school student wrestled a loaded gun away from another teen on the bus ride home this week and was slapped with a suspension in return.

This is what happens when you send your children to a government school.

Authorities confirmed to WFTX the weapon was indeed loaded, and the arrest report stated the suspect, identified by WVZN-TV as Quadryle Davis, was “pointing the gun directly” at the other student and “threatening to shoot him.”

That’s when, the teen told the station, he and two others tackled the suspect and wrestled the gun away. The next day, all three were suspended.

“How they going to suspend me for doing the right thing?” he asked.

The school’s referral slip said he was given an “emergency suspension” for being involved in an “incident” with a weapon. Lee County School District spokesman Alberto Rodriguez said in a statement that “If there is a potentially dangerous situation, Florida law allows the principal to suspend a student immediately pending a hearing.”

Sure, that makes perfect sense. Sentence first, trial afterward.

Read it.

Gay students claimed that they even felt threatened by the mere sight of students and faculty carrying bags with the Chick-fil-A logo on them.

Poor babies.

Read it.

So, how did it work?

•     Environment: People keep stealing store’s hand-baskets – because they didn’t bring any bags – to bring their groceries home, then abandon the baskets. Yes, the last time I checked ‘increased littering’ counts as ‘negative impact on the environment.’ Or are hand baskets suddenly biodegradable? Do they magically disappear from the landfills?

•     Business: Well, the stores are upset about all of those not-actually-all-that-cheap baskets that they keep losing. They’re even more upset over the shoplifting, which has skyrocketed since the ban took place. Oddly enough, it’s easier to steal small items when you’re not only allowed, but required to bring multiple storage devices along with you.

•     The community: …Well, one community is doing great; the E. coli community has never been more prominent in Seattle life and public health advisories. But, never fear: when asked about the minor detail that the new plastic bag ban has led to more bacterial outbreaks and deaths from food poisoning, the Seattle public health department responded by telling people to wash their bags.

Read it.

Next step: Mayor Bloomberg does the same for New York City.

Read it.

Some people just have entirely too much time on their hands.

Read it.

Earls Restaurants will take beer sold under the 25-year-old brand off the menu after a Vancouver woman with albinism filed a BC Human Rights Tribunal complaint against the chain in 2012. The same craft beer will still be sold, but just as “Rhino.”

Ikponwosa (I.K.) Ero, representing a group with the genetic condition that causes a lack of pigmentation in skin, hair and eyes and often blindness, accused the popular restaurant of discrimination based on physical disability and colour.

Read it.

Among Derocher’s scenarios is using helicopters to airdrop food on polar bears as their icy habitat continues to melt — at a cost of $32,000 per day for the “most accessible” bears. (The hope is that such interventions would last days per year, not months).

“It’s a lot better to have some animals in the wild even if they are being supplemented in their food. If we were basically the sole food source for these animals, then we’re going to have some very serious issues. Then it won’t really be a polar bear anymore,” Derocher said on the phone. “It will be a semi-wild, semi-captive, free-ranging carnivore. And it probably wouldn’t do that well even if the ice started to come back” since the bear would become so dependent on the airlifted food that he may forget how to hunt.

(Sigh). It’s really come to this.

Read it.

Savor the irony of the Chicago Chief of Police complaining about ‘corruption’.

Read it.

Authorities say two brothers accidentally blew up their house after celebrating a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by purchasing marijuana and meth.

Some people….

Read it.

Although parents worked with the Fairfax County Public Schools facilities department, purchased the equipment, hired a contractor and had the playground ready for recess, the school system suddenly deemed the play equipment too dangerous. Since Nov. 30 it has been off-limits, parents say.

Never mind that the same equipment is installed at more than 1,200 parks and schools across the country, including a public park in the county.

Your tax dollars at work. Hey, let’s put people like this in charge of our health care.

Read it.

U.S. Parks Police Wednesday arrested nearly 50 environmentalists who were protesting the proposed Keystone XL pipeline in an event outside the White House organized by the Sierra Club.

It was the first time in its 121 years of existence that the environmental group has endorsed civil disobedience.

And the Sierra Club selected the arrestees in advance.

Read it.

 On the night of Sept. 30, 2010, a man and a woman fled from a crime scene down a dark country road, sped through a stop sign and ran into two trees. The couple, both with cocaine and other drugs in their systems, died instantly, the car ramming through the space between the trunks, shattering into pieces and catching fire, a devastating, traumatic scene neighbors said looked like war.

The estate of the woman, who was the passenger in the car, filed a lawsuit, claiming those neighbors and Pasco County itself are at fault in her death. The wording of the suit is vague, but the gist of the claims is this:

The stop sign was obscured.

There were no street lights.

And there was no warning to drivers that there were trees on the side of a private road.

They should countersue for trespassing.

Watch it.

Crustian meme: White and Asian realism bad, mulatto underclass doper good. I’m surprised they weren’t blowing weed on the way back to the office. ‘That’s the power of German engineering.’

Remind me never to buy a Volkswagen.

Read it.

I got yer culture, right here.

Read it.

Former president Nicolas Sarkozy could become the next wealthy Frenchman to flee to Britain over his country’s looming tax hikes on the rich.

Mr Sarkozy – who famously snubbed the Prime Minister’s attempt to shake his hand after Mr Cameron vetoed changes to the EU treaty in 2011 – is reportedly planning to move to London to set up a £800million investment fund.

The 57-year-old, who was ousted from office last June, has amassed a fortune from £150,000-an-hour public speaking engagements and is now said to be trying to raise capital from investors.

Joe Biden.

“We know that there is no silver bullet,” to stop gun violence, Biden said, ahead of a Friday meeting with video game manufacturers and retailers. He did not elaborate further.

The gift that keeps on giving. If any of the primetime TV shows were as entertaining as Joe Biden, their ratings wouldn’t be in the toilet.

Read it.

I am not making this up.

Connecticut Democrat state senator Edward Meyer has put forward a bill which limits civilian firearms to one round.

Like Barney Fife in the old Andy Griffith series, you’ll have one bullet with which to defend all that’s valuable to you (including you).

I guess that’s the one you save to commit suicide in order to avoid a fate worse than death upon capture.

I’d be embarrassed to live in this guy’s district. Hell, in this guy’s state.

Darwin Award Nominee.

The transparent plastic ball — called a zorb — veered off course and sailed over a precipice in the rugged Caucasus Mountains of southern Russia. One man died and the other was badly injured. The terrifying ride was captured on video.

Read it.

There you go. Not only silly-looking, but a dangerous weapon. Register hair, not guns!

And he’s a white guy, which makes it even sillier.