DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Cryptocurrency Bloodbath Continues as Bitcoin Falls Below $10,000

17th January 2018

Read it.

Heh.

Hey, I’ll give you these tulips for your bitcoin.

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Manly Men

17th January 2018

ZMan reveals the secrets of the modern world.

The first time I ever had a reason to think that maybe the next generation of men coming along were a little light in the loafers, was when I hired a summer intern a dozen years ago. He was a college student hoping to become a lawyer or politician one day. He seemed like a bright and engaging kid, so we hired him. He was just going to be doing basic office stuff. Even if he was dumb as a dirt, it really didn’t matter. Just as long as he was not annoying or crazy, I figured I could get some use out of him.

Not long into his tenure, he came in late because he had a flat time and had to wait for someone. He did not know how to change a tire and he seemed somewhat amazed that people did know how to change tires. I began to notice that he did not do little things like hold the door for women or older people. He was unaware of things I just took for granted, like how to use a screwdriver. We had a small maintenance task on a piece of office gear and he watched me do it like I was conjuring spirits from the other world.

I’ve had the same experience. Unlike ZMan, I have no hesitation about complaining about the younger generation.

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Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

16th January 2018

Check it out.

For those of you who like this sort of thing, this will be the sort of thing you like.

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Civil War on the Left, Part 52: Manning Versus the Man

15th January 2018

Steven Hayward of PowerLine gives us the lineup.

Paul has already taken note of the Maryland Senate candidacy of Chelsea Manning, but I think we have overlooked the comic possibilities of the identity politics train wreck this might offer.

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NAACP Says MLK’s Vision Can’t Be Achieved Without Fighting Global Warming

15th January 2018

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This is like the perennial proglodyte attempt to characterize Jesus Christ as a socialist revolutionary. Uh, no.

Unfortunately, ‘civil rights’ is the only tool in the NAACP toolbox — when all you’ve got is a hammer, every situation looks like a nail.

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The New York Times Wants T\to Know Whether Liberals Plan on Donating Their Pussy Hats to a Museum

11th January 2018

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Put ’em right next to the hula hoops and pet rocks.

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Thailand’s PM Leaves Cardboard Cut-Out for Press Conference and Tells Journalists to Ask It Questions Instead

9th January 2018

Read it.

I like it. It has texture, and scope.

Love to see Trump do this.

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Despite Frigid Temperatures, People Show Up Pantless on NYC Subway

8th January 2018

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It’s a great place to visit, but you really wouldn’t want to live there.

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Tokyo Opens Snake Café Where Customers Can Hold a Reptile While They Get Coffee

8th January 2018

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Whenever I’m reading a science fiction book involving an alien species, I always put it down if the alien species involved aren’t at least as strange as the Japanese.

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Military alliance NATO adopts official hymn

4th January 2018

Read it. And listen — if you really have to.

‘They may have won all the battles/But we had all the good songs!’  — Tom Lehrer

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Campaign Group Set Up to Protest Against Labour Expelling Members Accused of Antisemitism Expels Its Own Members for Alleged Antisemitism

2nd January 2018

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British politics is better than any reality show.

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#POH: Pence’s Neighbor Trolls Him With ‘Make America Gay Again’ Sign

30th December 2017

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Proglodytes are people who have never successfully grown up.

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Study: Poor People Eating Properly Would Accelerate Global Warming

27th December 2017

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Drat those poor people anyway.

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Man Who Sent Manure to US Treasury Secretary for Christmas Compares Himself to Jesus

26th December 2017

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Of course he does.

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Gov’t Website Claims Santa Will Move to the South Pole to Escape Global Warming

23rd December 2017

Canada steps out in a big way.

I doubt Santa would want to be caught on one of those disappearing ice shelves we keep hearing about.

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Festivus: The Alternative Christmas Holiday You Need to Know About

20th December 2017

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Well, not really. You can park it right next to Kwanzaa in the ‘cheap imitation’ corner.

If you get a Festivus, you can be a hipster, too.

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Don’t Call Us Snowflakes – It Damages Our Mental Health, Say Young People

6th December 2017

Read it.

Case rested.

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Sign Language Interpreter ‘Makes No Sense’ in Live Press Conference

5th December 2017

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Ya just gotta believe.

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UK: Eight Police Officers Injured Following Bus Fare Confrontation With Teenage Girl

2nd December 2017

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Sign that girl up.

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What If Other Professions Hired Like Software Development?

1st December 2017

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These are excruciatingly funny and (unfortunately) too close to true for comfort.

Thanks for your interest in Bueller and Co. accounting. We love to hire the most passionate accountant rock stars in the industry. In advance of the interview, please send us links to some of the side accounting projects you’ve done for fun in your spare time.

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You Can Now Buy a Highly Detailed Replica of the Seinfeld Apartment

1st December 2017

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If, of course, that’s what you want to do.

Especially appropriate, I suppose, for those whose lives are about nothing.

That includes a lot of people these days.

Nobody who reads this blog, I hope. But you never know.

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Marvel Editor Assumed Japanese Identity to Advance Career

29th November 2017

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Hey — he just identified as Japanese. You can do that, nowadays, right?

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Man Says He Was Choked Until He Pooped His Pants for Trying to Pay Parking Ticket With Pennies

29th November 2017

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Your tax dollars at work.

The major problem with government employees is that they come to believe that just because some government employees (such as policemen) have wide latitude in their interactions with private citizens, therefore every government employee has (or ought to have) that latitude.

This is why it is so amazing for me that in-your-face ‘anti-racists’ more often than not promote (quite loudly) programs that would put more and more of our lives at the disposal of such people.

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A Slingshot That Launches Swords

24th November 2017

Watch it.

If, of course, that’s what you want to do.

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Three Hunters Accidentally Shoot Themselves on Opening Day of Wisconsin Deer Season

20th November 2017

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Natural Selection works even when you don’t want it to.

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Flight Diverted After Woman Discovers Her Husband Is Cheating on Her

7th November 2017

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A Qatar Airways flight had to make an emergency landing after a female passenger found out her husband was cheating on her mid-flight, reports the Hindustan Times.

The unidentified Iranian woman reportedly used her husband’s fingerprint to unlock his phone while he was asleep, before becoming incensed by what she found on the device.

Flight attendants were unable to calm the woman as she repeatedly hit her husband, causing the pilots to make the decision to make an emergency landing in India on 5 November.

Imagine if he’d had the new iPhone X.

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Disney’s ‘Beauty and The Beast’ Is Filled With ‘Toxic Masculine Capitalism,’ Rants Nutty Professor

6th November 2017

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Apparently the Beast is White Privilege or something.

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Russian Women Strip Naked in Front of US Embassy to Show Support for Harvey Weinstein

1st November 2017

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Surely this is connected to Putin and Trump. Surely….

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Writer Calls for Every Man on Earth to Lose His Job

30th October 2017

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Ruth Graham, a contributor for the “What Women Really Think” column at Slate, thinks it’s time to ban men from the workplace.

In a recent article, Graham argues that “the experiment of having men in the workplace has failed.”

People actually get paid to write this drivel.

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Hippies Hold Seance to Summon Communist Founder

26th October 2017

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Two journalists used an Ouija board to try summoning the spirit of Karl Marx Thursday, seeking solace from the alleged horror of capitalism.

The two women, identified as Callie and Sarah, used the Ouija board as part of a Halloween themed Facebook Live video for Broadly, a women’s news publication of Vice that reports “Sex, politics, culture, witchcraft. Women’s news you thought would exist by now.” Sarah and Callie, who have both dabbled in occult practices, used the segment to explore witchcraft and bemoan capitalism, admonishing their viewers that there was still time to “seize the means” and that the spirit of Marx was needed.

I guess Hitler was busy that night.

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Alt-Left Insanity: Sciency Liberals Actually Believe In Witchcraft, Occult

26th October 2017

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If you meet someone claiming to be a witch, the chances of that person voting Democrat are 100%.

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Professor: Replace ‘Traditional Science’ With ‘Anti-Science, Antiracist, Feminist Approach’

25th October 2017

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Your tax dollars at work.

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Teaching Maths Perpetuates White Privilege, Says University Professor

25th October 2017

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‘On many levels, mathematics itself operates as Whiteness. Who gets credit for doing and developing mathematics, who is capable in mathematics, and who is seen as part of the mathematical community is generally viewed as White’

Yeah, whenever I see a partial derivative or an exponent, I say to myself, ‘That looks pretty white (excuse me, White).’

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A Liberal Visits South Dakota and Freaks Out at the Sight of Guns

21st October 2017

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Part of what is going on here is that coastal liberals think that people in places like South Dakota are both dumber than they are, and more prone to violence. Actually, that is the opposite of the truth, in both respects. In South Dakota, where I grew up, most people are familiar with shotguns and rifles, know how to use them, and don’t irrationally freak out if they encounter a few, even at an airport. And the violent crime rate is vanishingly low.

At some point during the day, a reporter from the Sioux Falls Argus Leader, South Dakota’s dominant and liberal newspaper, asked Rich Larson whether he knew that his modest auction booth was all over Twitter. The Argus Leader ran a story headlined: No, firearms weren’t for sale at Sioux Falls Regional Airport on Friday.

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Dartmouth College Student Leader Calls For An End To Homecoming Celebrations

15th October 2017

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Apparently Homecoming is oppressive or something. Who knew?

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Dumb People In St. Louis Keep Getting Gored Because They Take SELFIES WITH ELK

10th October 2017

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Life is just one big petting zoo to certain classes of people.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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Gender Neutral Version of French Sparks Backlash

7th October 2017

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The madness continues.

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A Prospective Bump Stock Ban Shows How Disconnected Gun Control Politics Is From Reality

7th October 2017

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Last Saturday the device was an obscure novelty, dismissively regarded in gun circles. The next day it was a prime suspect in the killing of 59 people, and injuring of over 500 more in Las Vegas, Nevada. By midweek, bump stocks were the bullseye of our repetitive shooting match over gun control.

This is like attempting to prevent prostitution by banning high heels.

Predictably, talk of a ban has made bump stocks one of America’s fastest selling gun accessories. “Oh, God, yes, it’s been insane,” one Texas gun store owner told CNN Money. “Since this story has broke, we’ve been getting about 50 people a day asking for them.” Another from Maine said that he had five bump stocks gathering dust for months, before a post-Vegas buying spree saw them all snatched them up.

I hereby christen this the ‘Obama Effect’. Obama’s constant jawing about gun control made his eight years a great time for firearms manufacturers. When people think you’re going to ban something they want, they stock up.

Even with the sudden sales surge, the rarity of the devices raises the question of the real impact of a ban, other than to allow for some bipartisan political posturing. Banning bump stocks is something that can be done without pissing too many people off, placating the crowd that after every shooting in America screams for somebody to do something.

This sort of logic is only questionable outside of politics.

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‘Hate Crime’ at Michigan State University Was Actually Just a Missing Shoelace

6th October 2017

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Hey, it’s still a Hate Crime — after all, facts don’t matter in comparison to Offended Feelings.

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Anti-Nuclear Weapons Group Wins Nobel Prize

6th October 2017

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The Nobel Peace prize has gone from being a prize for achieving peace to being a prize for working toward peace to being a virtue-signaling prize for doing nothing about peace but nevertheless expressing the Crust’s wish that peace would somehow magically arrive without any effort on the part of people in power.

This is how Barack Obama could get it before he had had a chance to do anything other than make Magic Negro speeches, because that’s all that was necessary for virtue-signaling. He so perfectly encapsulated the Crust’s preferred methodology of doing nothing while talking a good fight that it was impossible not to give him the prize, even though it astonished the Dirt People.

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If He Were a Richman…

4th October 2017

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This is from today’s New York Post: “President Obama blasted Republicans as the party of ‘billionaires’ on Tuesday while mingling with high-rollers at the $26 million estate of Rich Richman — yes, that’s his real name — in Greenwich, Connecticut.”

Democrats are used to believing six impossible things before breakfast, so it’s no surprise that they are quite comfortable screaming against the rich while relaxing in their multi-million dollar mansions with their kids attending schools that charge more in a year than most Americans earn in a year.

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In the Aftermath of the Vegas Shooting, Time to Nationalize Facebook, Twitter, and Google

2nd October 2017

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Everything something bad happens, some fringe authoritarians call for the government to ‘do something’, despite the unambiguous historical record that in most cases when the government decides to ‘do something’ it’s the wrong thing and done badly.

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Feminist Author Says Teaching Women Self-Defense Has Racist Roots

28th September 2017

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Yeah, we all know what a misogynist Jackie Chan is. And don’t get me started on Bruce Lee.

Soon the dictionary will have the entry ‘Feminist: See Deranged‘.

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Black Student Group Complains Ivy League School Is Letting In Too Many African Students

28th September 2017

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It’s not enough to be black, you have to be the right kind of black.

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Progressive Students ‘Freaked Out’ by Beach Ball at Southern Illinois University

28th September 2017

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Conservative students at Southern Illinois University were informed by police that their “free speech ball” was “freaking out” leftist students on campus, who complained about its presence on campus.

In a video obtained by Campus Reform, conservative student activists from Turning Point USA, the Leadership Institute and Young Americans for Liberty can be seen speaking to police officers. The students were welcoming other students to write messages on the beach ball to exercise their First Amendment rights.

Campus police stopped the students from doing so, informing them that the school received numerous reports from students who were “scared” by the ball. The police told them that they were not operating in a public space. “This is not considered like a public place. Right now, we’re going to have to put the ball away,” said an officer, adding that the ball was “freaking a lot of people out.”

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Dozens of Chickens Were Injured or Dilled in an SC Srash. PETA Wants to Pay Tribute to Them

21st September 2017

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These people are truly deranged.

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Bullfighter Gored to Death by Bull in Portugal

18th September 2017

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Fernando Quintela, 26, suffered internal haemorrhaging after he was charged by the bull, which trapped him between its horns and tossed him onto the floor of the bullring in Lisbon, Portugal.

Mr Quintela was acting as a “forcado,” one of eight men who challenge the bull with their bare hands.

Let that be a lesson to us all.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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Chelsea Handler Calls Ben Carson a ‘Black White Supremacist’

16th September 2017

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This is the most deranged thing I’ve seen this week, which was just chock full of them.

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Brickbat: Make School Great Again

14th September 2017

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Officials with Georgia’s Cherokee County school system have apologized after a teacher ordered two students out of her classroom because they were wearing “Make America Great Again” shirts. The teacher said they couldn’t wear the shirts “just like you cannot wear a swastika to school.”

I suppose that this really qualifies under Trump Derangement Syndrome but the headline wasn’t as self-explanatory as such incidents’ headlines usually are.

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With 220 Languages Spoken in California, Courts Face an Interpreter Shortage

12th September 2017

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I wonder whether that inclues idiolects like SJW (‘You’re all racist!’), proglodyte (‘You’re all bigots!’), and Antifa (‘You’re all Nazis!’) — granted, the latter are somewhat limited in their vocabulary, but make up for it in volume.

Courts in other states also were examined and faulted. Along with California, they began working to comply with U.S civil rights law, which bars discrimination based on national origin. Failure to act meant the possible loss of federal money.

That’s why Calexit will never happen — it would cut off the flow of ‘federal money’, which (unlike your money) is free for the taking and inexhaustible.

At least 220 languages are spoken in California, and 44% of residents speak a language other than English at home. Seven million Californians say they cannot speak English well.

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