DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Tell Helicopter Mama

28th May 2017

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Last Thursday night police were called to a noisy party in Cambridgeshire. When they arrived and heard the audio of a YouTube video on the karaoke machine mocking Osama Bin Laden, it triggered a policechick, who then pressed her panic button and called in reinforcements from headquarters. Ten more police officers and a helicopter were sent to quell the dangerous extremists who threw the party.

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Many Democrats Agree That Losing In Montana Is Actually A Win

26th May 2017

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I suspect that’s why they keep losing.

As Democrat delusions go, though, it’s pretty minor.

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Thought of the Day

22nd May 2017

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“Cowshed” and Cow Sheds

20th May 2017

Peter Robinson shows his age.

No one who had ever encountered a real cow shed, or who had ever even heard a just description of a cow shed, would ever, ever have given the name of “Cowshed” to a line of toiletries.

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Man Dies After Setting Himself on Fire During Facebook Live Stream

15th May 2017

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Let that be a lesson to us all.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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Joss Whedon’s Message for Mother’s Day: I’m Glad My Mom Is Dead, Because Trump

15th May 2017

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Out of all the celebrities who’ve had nervous breakdowns since Nov. 8, 2016, nobody’s breakdown has been more nervous than Joss Whedon’s.

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Monday Mirthiness: #Dilbert Gets Mann-handled

15th May 2017

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Scott Adams has increasingly demonstrated that he won’t put up with alt-Left nuttiness, with the predictable response from the radical fringe.

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People Are Marrying Themselves, It’s Called ‘Sologamy’

15th May 2017

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A new synomym for ‘idiocy’.

I predict that these morons are not Republicans.

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Police Investigate a Cult Killing; It Turns Out to Be a Rock Video

12th May 2017

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Tell the truth: These days, who could tell the difference? I certainly couldn’t.

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The Genderbread Person

12th May 2017

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Formerly the gingerbread man … I think.

Labels have always been one of the toughest parts of of the genderbread person, because in my versions I’m trying to simultaneously reinforce folks current understandings (or former, or problematic) of gender, while expanding and building upon their understanding, enhancing it, and making it a more honest depiction of the ways we all actually experience gender. Using the language that reinforces problematic and limiting understandings of gender as a means to expand understanding feels a lot like using the master’s tools to deconstruct the master’s house, and in this version I’m trying to get away from as much language as possible.

California is truly the land of fruits and nuts. Let’s help them secede.

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Just When You Thought That Democrats Had Reached the Edge: Vermont Sen. Angus King Wants to Hire Former FBI Director Jim Comey to Lead an Independent Investigation Into Any Ties Between Trump Advisers and the Russian Government.

10th May 2017

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Well, he’s not doing anything right now and would probably appreciate a job offer.

Maybe we could hire Mike Flynn to investigate his ties to the Russians. Yeah, that’s the ticket….

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Bernie Sanders Is Touring the UK

10th May 2017

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Guess they don’t have enough angry old white male socialists in Britain; they have to import them.

Well, if he can run for the Democrat Presidential nomination while an independent, maybe he can run for a Labour seat in Parliament as an American. After all, Britain has been Feeling the Bern since 1945.

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‘Democrat’ Is a Mental Disorder

8th May 2017

This Website Will Mail Your Ashes To The GOP If Trumpcare Kills You. Really.

Makes you wonder how all these people avoided dying before Obamacare. I never noticed that all these Victim Groups were dying like flies before Obama took office. I guess I must have missed all the bodies piling up in the streets.

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Democrats: Bringing the H8

8th May 2017

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An Art Institute of Washington professor recently declared that House Republicans “should be lined up and shot” for their passage of an Obamacare-replacement bill.

“They should be lined up and shot,” Professor John Griffin posted to his Facebook, according to a screenshot of the post obtained by Campus Reform, even clarifying that he wasn’t being hyperbolic, saying “that’s not hyperbole; blood is on their hands.”

Funny how you never hear anybody say that Democrats ought to be lined up and shot.

And yet Trump is supposedly the New Hitler.

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Students Left a Pineapple in the Middle of an Exhibition and People Mistook It for Art

8th May 2017

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Ruairi Gray, a business information technology student at Robert Gordon University in Scotland, and his friend Lloyd Jack, reportedly left the fruit at the Look Again exhibition at RGU’s Sir Ian Wood building, hoping that it might be mistaken for art.

When they returned four days later he found that the pineapple had been put inside its own glass display case at the event.

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Trayvon Martin to Be Awarded Posthumous Degree by Florida University

6th May 2017

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Just another instance of White Privilege, I guess.

Being a black druggie thug appears to be the way to fame and fortune in modern America. That would certainly explain a lot about Barack Obama, though.

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International Respect for Chickens Day

4th May 2017

Read it. And watch the videos.

With thanks to Debby Witt, a kindred soul.

(Whenever I hear Foghorn Leghorn, I always think of Tommy Lee Jones.)

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Huge Spring Snowstorm Dampens March for Climate Events In Colorado

29th April 2017

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Was AlGore on hand? He’s usually the guy that triggers these events.

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Bear in West Bank Zoo Bites Off Palestinian Boy’s Arm and Eats It

26th April 2017

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Will the Islamophobia never cease?

Funny, the bear didn’t look Jewish….

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Witches in San Diego Curse Trump

25th April 2017

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And here I thought it was more pictures of the ‘Science March’. Hard to tell without a scorecard sometimes.

I suppose it’s about all they’ve got left (no pun intended).

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The “March for Science”–No Laughing Matter? Says Who?

20th April 2017

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Back in February, Yale Computer Science Professor David Gelernter, who may become the next White House science advisor, had this to say about the upcoming March for Science and its organizers: “It’s like this is some sort of Looney Tunes thing. I must be trapped in an alternate reality. They couldn’t possibly be serious.”

But with science marches now scheduled in many cities for this Saturday, timed to coincide with Earth Day, the organizers obviously are serious. Too serious, in our view. Using street protests to handle scientific controversies like climate change is only a few steps above using animal sacrifice.

I suppose that’s next on the agenda — ‘Wiccans for Climate Science’.

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America’s Most Political Food

19th April 2017

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Southern food as seen from the Upper West Side.

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The Ossoff Variations

19th April 2017

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America Rising has posted a clip of Ossoff fielding questions from CNN’s Alisyn Camerota (video below). Following up on reports that Ossoff doesn’t even live in the district, Camerota asks him: “Is it true you can’t vote for yourself?” After a painful silence, Ossoff talks around the question. He has been living with his girlfriend of 12 years, he explains, and he is supporting her as she completes her education.

Camerota asks: “So when are you going to marry her?” He’ll get back to her on that one.

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Proposed Chick-fil-A Has Students at Duquesne Aflutter About Microaggressions

14th April 2017

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A gay student group at Duquesne University fears that a proposed Chick-fil-A outpost could jeopardize the school’s safe spaces.

I can see how waffle fries could be a threat.

“Chick-fil-A has a questionable history on civil rights and human rights,” Lambda executive board members Niko Martini told The Duke (the university’s student newspaper).

No, it doesn’t. You just think it does because you believe all the lies in the DemLegHump Media. ‘Oh, somebody told me once that they’re racist/sexist/bigoted/Islamophobic/transophobic/xenophobic/this-ophobic/that-ophobic/anythingyouwant-ophobic/YourNameHere-ophobic, and that’s good enough for me.’

Being a Lefty college student these days means spending all your time looking for ‘phobes’ rather than studying, apparently.

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Rube Goldberg’s Passover Seder

9th April 2017

Read it. And don’t fail to watch the video.

 

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3 Companies That Give Staff Paid Time Off When They Get a Puppy

2nd April 2017

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Learn their names, and avoid their products, which are undoubtedly hipster crap.

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Transgender People Are Now Oppressed Because ‘Pussy Hats’ ‘Equate Womanhood With Having a Vagina’

29th March 2017

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There’s no pleasing some people.,

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Naked Group Slaughters Sheep at Auschwitz Death Camp

25th March 2017

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Perhaps they’re witches trying to curse Trump. I’ve heard that happens.

Or it could be part of the Democrat filibuster of Goresuch. You never really know.

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Professor Calls Curing Deafness In Children ‘CULTURAL GENOCIDE’

14th March 2017

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A professor at America’s premier college for deaf students has now proposed that curing deafness is a form of “cultural genocide” because deaf people who can hear would stop using sign language.

Well, yeah, that’s the idea. (More to the point, it would break the rice bowl of professors at colleges for deaf students.)

“This bias of Hearing culture can be seen in the normative claim that it is better to be a member of the dominant, mainstream Hearing cultural community than to be a member of the non-dominant Deaf cultural community,” Burke writes.

Ableism is CrimeThink!

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New York to Scrap Literacy Test for Teachers in the Name of Diversity

12th March 2017

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After all, if it takes a village to raise a child, most villages in the world are illiterate anyway.

Prospective teachers in New York will likely no longer have to pass a basic reading and writing literacy exam, the Associated Press is reporting.

The state’s Board of Regents is expected to ditch the Academic Literacy Skills Test in part because black and Hispanic teaching candidates struggled to pass the exam, according to the AP.

The rights of Official Victims to a job surely outweighs the rights of some random kids to get taught.

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Who Wears the Pussy Hat in the Family?

9th March 2017

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Donald Trump doesn’t have to make Sweden into a laughingstock; the Swedes are quite capable of doing it themselves.

The brief article below concerns the board of the Construction Workers’ Union and the wearing of pussy hats, the latest mandatory item of apparel for all self-respecting Progressives.

Don’t let the color fool you, it’s actually the pointed-haired-boss hat.

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ALRIGHTY THEN: Coddled Ladies at $65,992-Per-Year College Vow Not to Build Trump’s Border Wall

8th March 2017

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That’s fair.

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Authentic Black Woman Rachel Dolezal Just Changed Her Name, And It’s Beautiful

2nd March 2017

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Rachel Dolezal, the former head of Spokane, Washington’s NAACP chapter who claimed to be black before her parents ‘outed’ her as white, officially changed her name to Nkechi Amare Diallo in a Washington court in October, legal documents obtained by DailyMail.com show.

I guess ‘Elvira, Queen of the Night’ was already taken.

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U CAN’T TOUCH THIS: Taxpayer-Funded Clemson University Mulls Rap Album Ph.D. Dissertation

27th February 2017

Read it. And by all means watch the video.

The budding, would-be Ph.D. rapper, A.D. Carson, defended his urban street poetry dissertation in Clemson’s rhetorics, communication and information design program last week, according to Inside Higher Education.

“The dissertation is really just a — man, that’s like, in a real, practical way just it’s, uh, it’s a rap album,” Carson says in a YouTube video about busting rhymes to acquire a Ph.D. “Rather than it being, like, about rap or it being about, like, spoken word, it’s actually done through those particular modes of presentation.”

Sounds like a modern PhD to me.

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US Art Museum Removes All Works by Immigrants to Protest Donald Trump’s Travel Ban

17th February 2017

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Now this is just getting silly.

Notice that they took no action about Obama’s similar travel ban — which shows that this is just political posturing.

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Now You Can Wear a Puzzle-Piece Pin to Show How Bad You Feel About Being White

15th February 2017

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If, of course, that’s what you want to do.

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DeVos Opponents Think About Homeschooling Instead.

10th February 2017

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There’s going to be a temptation to want to publicly mock those on the left who have responded to the confirmation of Betsy DeVos as secretary of education by suggesting they could pull their kids out of the public school system as a form of boycott.

This is like the Russians pulling out of Ukraine because Trump. That’ll teach ’em! Oh, wait….

Rabbit, meet briar patch.

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Man’s Has 63kg Tumour Removed by Doctors Who Say It Likely Began as Ingrown Hair

7th February 2017

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Let that be a lesson to us all.

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Wife Leaves Husband Because He Voted For Trump

7th February 2017

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Gayle McCormick, a retired California prison guard, left her husband of 22 years, reports the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

McCormick claimed that her husband announced over lunch one day last year that he planned to support Trump. McCormick, who calls herself a “Democrat leaning toward socialist,” said the announcement was a “deal-breaker.”

I suspect that he will probably be better off.

 

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Thought for the Day

6th February 2017

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Hundreds Plan to Moon Trump Tower to Get Trump to Release His Tax Returns

3rd February 2017

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Yeah, that’ll work.

Why is everyone on the Left so deranged? Is it some genetic defect?

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Famous Berkeley Prof Suggests That Violent Protesters at Milo Event Were Right-Wing Plants

3rd February 2017

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Robert Reich, the Labor Secretary under Bill Clinton and a Berkeley professor, suggested on Thursday, contrary to all evidence, that right-wing groups staged the violence that shut down a Milo Yiannopoulos event that was to be hosted on the liberal university campus on Wednesday.

I finally figured out how he got so short — somebody cut his brain off.

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Prof Screams at the NYPD Because They Didn’t Beat Up ‘Nazi’ Gavin McInnes

3rd February 2017

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Well, you know, professors are pretty highly strung.

McInnes was there to give a talk to students, but was incessantly interrupted by hecklers. Afterward, masked black bloc protesters assaulted the controversial former Fox News personality and sprayed him with mace. Eleven people were eventually arrested.

“I saw Gavin McInnes and I wanted to punch him in the fucking face, but he got away,” said one protester.

And yet Trump is the New Hitler. Go figure.

“You are fucking assholes!” the professor shouted at the New York Police Department (NYPD). “You’re protecting the Nazis!”

Oddly enough, it wasn’t McInnes who was beating people up, but the professor’s friends. I think that word doesn’t mean what you think it means.

“These are kids who are trying to learn about humanity!” she said. “They’re trying to learn about human rights and against racism and xenophobia, and LGBTQ rights, and you’re letting these fucking neo-nazis near here! It’s not up to these students to kick the ass of a neo-nazi! They don’t have to raise their fist! They were taught to be peaceful! Fuck you!”

I think she may not have a very good grasp on the meaning of ‘peaceful’, either.

I guess it doesn’t take much to be a professor nowadays.

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Iraqi Parliamentary Committee Calls for ‘Reciprocal’ Rravel Ban Measures for Americans

30th January 2017

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Hey, there’s an idea! Let’s make it a law! NO AMERICAN WILL HENCEFORTH SET FOOT IN IRAQ!

What a great idea!

That will surely fix those pesky Americans. They will RUE THE DAY they ever messed with us.

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Man Shot at UW No Racist, Friends Insist, Despite Shooter’s Claim

24th January 2017

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(Pay attention, there will be a test later.)

The man who surrendered to police in connection with the University of Washington shooting Friday night was released after telling investigators he fired in self-defense during a campus protest, according to two law-enforcement officials briefed on the case.

No details about any confrontation between him and the critically wounded man were available Saturday. But one of the law-enforcement officials said the man who fired the gun claimed he had been assaulted before shooting the other man, whom he believed to be some type of white supremacist.

Two people who said they are friends with the wounded man disputed the characterization of him as a supremacist. One said his friend supported Bernie Sanders in the Democratic presidential primary, and both said he sports an anti-hate tattoo that consists of a black swastika surrounded by a red circle with a slash through it.

Max Vohra of Seattle, who has known the man for seven years, said his friend got the tattoo more than a decade ago “when he was living in California, and had to deal with a lot of racists in the punk scene.” The idea for the tattoo, Vohra said, came from a NOFX song called “The Brews,” which references “anti-swastika tattoos.”

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Special Ops Veteran Risks Life to Recover Pets From Bases in War Zone

24th January 2017

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I’m happy for him that he has nothing more important to do.

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Paris Fashion Week Designer Shows Off Bernie Sanders Inspired Collection

18th January 2017

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I’m sure there’s a lot of demand in Europe for the Old White Jew Socialist look since the Soviet Union died.

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‘Never Trump’ Republicans Shocked They Can’t Find Jobs in Trump’s White House

17th January 2017

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This administration will be a series of rude awakenings for members of the Washington establishment who have an unrealistically inflated idea of their own importance.

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Your Food From Your Land: Subscription Service Lets You Remotely Manage Your Own Tiny Farm

15th January 2017

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Brazilian based company Mandala da Montanha, was set up by Martin Schneesche and Alexandre Yokoyama in 2015 as a farm for selling home-grown food but, unlike other subscriptions services, it allows the consumers to be part of the farming process.

Tapping into the rise of the Millennials for whom convenience is King, this service lets people decide what they want to plant – from a variety of lettuces, beets, onions and spinach to more indigenous ingredients like scarlet aubergine and okra – and for a small fee, delivers it right to their front door.

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Women Pole-Dance Atop Cars for Politician’s Funeral

5th January 2017

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The funeral procession for former Chiayi County Council Speaker Tung Hsiang, who died at the age of 76, featured 50 scantily-clad women pole dancing atop 50 jeeps, as well as traditional bands, reports Taiwan News.

Interestingly, funeral strippers and pole dancers are not exactly rare in Chinese culture, particularly in rural areas.

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