DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Bear in West Bank Zoo Bites Off Palestinian Boy’s Arm and Eats It

26th April 2017

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Will the Islamophobia never cease?

Funny, the bear didn’t look Jewish….

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Witches in San Diego Curse Trump

25th April 2017

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And here I thought it was more pictures of the ‘Science March’. Hard to tell without a scorecard sometimes.

I suppose it’s about all they’ve got left (no pun intended).

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The “March for Science”–No Laughing Matter? Says Who?

20th April 2017

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Back in February, Yale Computer Science Professor David Gelernter, who may become the next White House science advisor, had this to say about the upcoming March for Science and its organizers: “It’s like this is some sort of Looney Tunes thing. I must be trapped in an alternate reality. They couldn’t possibly be serious.”

But with science marches now scheduled in many cities for this Saturday, timed to coincide with Earth Day, the organizers obviously are serious. Too serious, in our view. Using street protests to handle scientific controversies like climate change is only a few steps above using animal sacrifice.

I suppose that’s next on the agenda — ‘Wiccans for Climate Science’.

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America’s Most Political Food

19th April 2017

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Southern food as seen from the Upper West Side.

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The Ossoff Variations

19th April 2017

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America Rising has posted a clip of Ossoff fielding questions from CNN’s Alisyn Camerota (video below). Following up on reports that Ossoff doesn’t even live in the district, Camerota asks him: “Is it true you can’t vote for yourself?” After a painful silence, Ossoff talks around the question. He has been living with his girlfriend of 12 years, he explains, and he is supporting her as she completes her education.

Camerota asks: “So when are you going to marry her?” He’ll get back to her on that one.

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Proposed Chick-fil-A Has Students at Duquesne Aflutter About Microaggressions

14th April 2017

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A gay student group at Duquesne University fears that a proposed Chick-fil-A outpost could jeopardize the school’s safe spaces.

I can see how waffle fries could be a threat.

“Chick-fil-A has a questionable history on civil rights and human rights,” Lambda executive board members Niko Martini told The Duke (the university’s student newspaper).

No, it doesn’t. You just think it does because you believe all the lies in the DemLegHump Media. ‘Oh, somebody told me once that they’re racist/sexist/bigoted/Islamophobic/transophobic/xenophobic/this-ophobic/that-ophobic/anythingyouwant-ophobic/YourNameHere-ophobic, and that’s good enough for me.’

Being a Lefty college student these days means spending all your time looking for ‘phobes’ rather than studying, apparently.

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Rube Goldberg’s Passover Seder

9th April 2017

Read it. And don’t fail to watch the video.

 

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3 Companies That Give Staff Paid Time Off When They Get a Puppy

2nd April 2017

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Learn their names, and avoid their products, which are undoubtedly hipster crap.

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Transgender People Are Now Oppressed Because ‘Pussy Hats’ ‘Equate Womanhood With Having a Vagina’

29th March 2017

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There’s no pleasing some people.,

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Naked Group Slaughters Sheep at Auschwitz Death Camp

25th March 2017

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Perhaps they’re witches trying to curse Trump. I’ve heard that happens.

Or it could be part of the Democrat filibuster of Goresuch. You never really know.

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Professor Calls Curing Deafness In Children ‘CULTURAL GENOCIDE’

14th March 2017

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A professor at America’s premier college for deaf students has now proposed that curing deafness is a form of “cultural genocide” because deaf people who can hear would stop using sign language.

Well, yeah, that’s the idea. (More to the point, it would break the rice bowl of professors at colleges for deaf students.)

“This bias of Hearing culture can be seen in the normative claim that it is better to be a member of the dominant, mainstream Hearing cultural community than to be a member of the non-dominant Deaf cultural community,” Burke writes.

Ableism is CrimeThink!

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New York to Scrap Literacy Test for Teachers in the Name of Diversity

12th March 2017

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After all, if it takes a village to raise a child, most villages in the world are illiterate anyway.

Prospective teachers in New York will likely no longer have to pass a basic reading and writing literacy exam, the Associated Press is reporting.

The state’s Board of Regents is expected to ditch the Academic Literacy Skills Test in part because black and Hispanic teaching candidates struggled to pass the exam, according to the AP.

The rights of Official Victims to a job surely outweighs the rights of some random kids to get taught.

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Who Wears the Pussy Hat in the Family?

9th March 2017

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Donald Trump doesn’t have to make Sweden into a laughingstock; the Swedes are quite capable of doing it themselves.

The brief article below concerns the board of the Construction Workers’ Union and the wearing of pussy hats, the latest mandatory item of apparel for all self-respecting Progressives.

Don’t let the color fool you, it’s actually the pointed-haired-boss hat.

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ALRIGHTY THEN: Coddled Ladies at $65,992-Per-Year College Vow Not to Build Trump’s Border Wall

8th March 2017

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That’s fair.

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Authentic Black Woman Rachel Dolezal Just Changed Her Name, And It’s Beautiful

2nd March 2017

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Rachel Dolezal, the former head of Spokane, Washington’s NAACP chapter who claimed to be black before her parents ‘outed’ her as white, officially changed her name to Nkechi Amare Diallo in a Washington court in October, legal documents obtained by DailyMail.com show.

I guess ‘Elvira, Queen of the Night’ was already taken.

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U CAN’T TOUCH THIS: Taxpayer-Funded Clemson University Mulls Rap Album Ph.D. Dissertation

27th February 2017

Read it. And by all means watch the video.

The budding, would-be Ph.D. rapper, A.D. Carson, defended his urban street poetry dissertation in Clemson’s rhetorics, communication and information design program last week, according to Inside Higher Education.

“The dissertation is really just a — man, that’s like, in a real, practical way just it’s, uh, it’s a rap album,” Carson says in a YouTube video about busting rhymes to acquire a Ph.D. “Rather than it being, like, about rap or it being about, like, spoken word, it’s actually done through those particular modes of presentation.”

Sounds like a modern PhD to me.

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US Art Museum Removes All Works by Immigrants to Protest Donald Trump’s Travel Ban

17th February 2017

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Now this is just getting silly.

Notice that they took no action about Obama’s similar travel ban — which shows that this is just political posturing.

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Now You Can Wear a Puzzle-Piece Pin to Show How Bad You Feel About Being White

15th February 2017

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If, of course, that’s what you want to do.

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DeVos Opponents Think About Homeschooling Instead.

10th February 2017

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There’s going to be a temptation to want to publicly mock those on the left who have responded to the confirmation of Betsy DeVos as secretary of education by suggesting they could pull their kids out of the public school system as a form of boycott.

This is like the Russians pulling out of Ukraine because Trump. That’ll teach ’em! Oh, wait….

Rabbit, meet briar patch.

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Man’s Has 63kg Tumour Removed by Doctors Who Say It Likely Began as Ingrown Hair

7th February 2017

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Let that be a lesson to us all.

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Wife Leaves Husband Because He Voted For Trump

7th February 2017

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Gayle McCormick, a retired California prison guard, left her husband of 22 years, reports the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

McCormick claimed that her husband announced over lunch one day last year that he planned to support Trump. McCormick, who calls herself a “Democrat leaning toward socialist,” said the announcement was a “deal-breaker.”

I suspect that he will probably be better off.

 

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Thought for the Day

6th February 2017

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Hundreds Plan to Moon Trump Tower to Get Trump to Release His Tax Returns

3rd February 2017

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Yeah, that’ll work.

Why is everyone on the Left so deranged? Is it some genetic defect?

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Famous Berkeley Prof Suggests That Violent Protesters at Milo Event Were Right-Wing Plants

3rd February 2017

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Robert Reich, the Labor Secretary under Bill Clinton and a Berkeley professor, suggested on Thursday, contrary to all evidence, that right-wing groups staged the violence that shut down a Milo Yiannopoulos event that was to be hosted on the liberal university campus on Wednesday.

I finally figured out how he got so short — somebody cut his brain off.

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Prof Screams at the NYPD Because They Didn’t Beat Up ‘Nazi’ Gavin McInnes

3rd February 2017

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Well, you know, professors are pretty highly strung.

McInnes was there to give a talk to students, but was incessantly interrupted by hecklers. Afterward, masked black bloc protesters assaulted the controversial former Fox News personality and sprayed him with mace. Eleven people were eventually arrested.

“I saw Gavin McInnes and I wanted to punch him in the fucking face, but he got away,” said one protester.

And yet Trump is the New Hitler. Go figure.

“You are fucking assholes!” the professor shouted at the New York Police Department (NYPD). “You’re protecting the Nazis!”

Oddly enough, it wasn’t McInnes who was beating people up, but the professor’s friends. I think that word doesn’t mean what you think it means.

“These are kids who are trying to learn about humanity!” she said. “They’re trying to learn about human rights and against racism and xenophobia, and LGBTQ rights, and you’re letting these fucking neo-nazis near here! It’s not up to these students to kick the ass of a neo-nazi! They don’t have to raise their fist! They were taught to be peaceful! Fuck you!”

I think she may not have a very good grasp on the meaning of ‘peaceful’, either.

I guess it doesn’t take much to be a professor nowadays.

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Iraqi Parliamentary Committee Calls for ‘Reciprocal’ Rravel Ban Measures for Americans

30th January 2017

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Hey, there’s an idea! Let’s make it a law! NO AMERICAN WILL HENCEFORTH SET FOOT IN IRAQ!

What a great idea!

That will surely fix those pesky Americans. They will RUE THE DAY they ever messed with us.

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Man Shot at UW No Racist, Friends Insist, Despite Shooter’s Claim

24th January 2017

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(Pay attention, there will be a test later.)

The man who surrendered to police in connection with the University of Washington shooting Friday night was released after telling investigators he fired in self-defense during a campus protest, according to two law-enforcement officials briefed on the case.

No details about any confrontation between him and the critically wounded man were available Saturday. But one of the law-enforcement officials said the man who fired the gun claimed he had been assaulted before shooting the other man, whom he believed to be some type of white supremacist.

Two people who said they are friends with the wounded man disputed the characterization of him as a supremacist. One said his friend supported Bernie Sanders in the Democratic presidential primary, and both said he sports an anti-hate tattoo that consists of a black swastika surrounded by a red circle with a slash through it.

Max Vohra of Seattle, who has known the man for seven years, said his friend got the tattoo more than a decade ago “when he was living in California, and had to deal with a lot of racists in the punk scene.” The idea for the tattoo, Vohra said, came from a NOFX song called “The Brews,” which references “anti-swastika tattoos.”

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Special Ops Veteran Risks Life to Recover Pets From Bases in War Zone

24th January 2017

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I’m happy for him that he has nothing more important to do.

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Paris Fashion Week Designer Shows Off Bernie Sanders Inspired Collection

18th January 2017

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I’m sure there’s a lot of demand in Europe for the Old White Jew Socialist look since the Soviet Union died.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

‘Never Trump’ Republicans Shocked They Can’t Find Jobs in Trump’s White House

17th January 2017

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This administration will be a series of rude awakenings for members of the Washington establishment who have an unrealistically inflated idea of their own importance.

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Your Food From Your Land: Subscription Service Lets You Remotely Manage Your Own Tiny Farm

15th January 2017

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Brazilian based company Mandala da Montanha, was set up by Martin Schneesche and Alexandre Yokoyama in 2015 as a farm for selling home-grown food but, unlike other subscriptions services, it allows the consumers to be part of the farming process.

Tapping into the rise of the Millennials for whom convenience is King, this service lets people decide what they want to plant – from a variety of lettuces, beets, onions and spinach to more indigenous ingredients like scarlet aubergine and okra – and for a small fee, delivers it right to their front door.

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Women Pole-Dance Atop Cars for Politician’s Funeral

5th January 2017

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The funeral procession for former Chiayi County Council Speaker Tung Hsiang, who died at the age of 76, featured 50 scantily-clad women pole dancing atop 50 jeeps, as well as traditional bands, reports Taiwan News.

Interestingly, funeral strippers and pole dancers are not exactly rare in Chinese culture, particularly in rural areas.

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Fire Marshal: Politics Unlikely Motive in ‘Vote Trump’ Arson

22nd December 2016

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The Mississippi fire marshal says investigators don’t see politics as the motivation for the burning of an African-American church that was also spray-painted with the words “Vote Trump” a week before the presidential election.

And if you believe that one they’ll tell you another one.

Do these people listen to themselves when they come out with this drivel?

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Black Man Burned African-American Church, Painted ‘Vote Trump’ on the Walls

21st December 2016

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You know how racist those white black men can be.

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MTV’s “White Guy Resolutions 2017” Might Just Earn Trump a Second Term

20th December 2016

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All contributions toward making ‘progressives’ of the Crust look like clueless idiots will be gratefully appreciated.

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A Historic Number of Electors Defected, and Most Were Supposed to Vote for Clinton

20th December 2016

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In Washington, a state where Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont had strong support in the Democratic primary against Hillary Clinton, three of the state’s 12 electoral votes went to Colin L. Powell, the Republican former secretary of state. One more elector voted for Faith Spotted Eagle, a Native American leader. Another Democratic elector in Hawaii voted for Mr. Sanders.

Two Texas electors voted for different Republican politicians: Gov. John Kasich of Ohio and former Texas congressman Ron Paul.

In addition, three Democratic electors, in Colorado, Maine and Minnesota, initially declined to vote for Mrs. Clinton. Two were replaced by an alternate, and one ended up changing his vote.

Be careful what you wish for….

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Sex Shop Employees Fight Off Armed Robber by Throwing Dildos at Him

17th December 2016

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Guess that’ll show him.

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Hippie Walks Across America Barefoot To Protest Globalchange Climatewarming

7th December 2016

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It can’t be that this is a mass delusion, Mark. It’s not that you’re being conned by people with a political and financial interest in manipulating your emotions. This really is the most important crisis of our time. It really is just like World War II. And you’re proving them right by walking across the country. Barefoot. It all makes sense.

Must be nice to have nothing better to do with your life.

As for how this American hero is financing his months-long journey, he says he “won a poetry fellowship for the state of Rhode Island.” So this story is pretty much perfect.

Glad I don’t live in Rhode Island and see my hard-earned money wasted on drones like this one.

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Black Activists Launch Monthly Fee System For Whites To Pay Blacks

5th December 2016

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I am not making this up.

Liberal black activists have launched a monthly “subscription box” designed for white people to “to not only financially support Black femme freedom fighters, but also complete measurable tasks in the fight against white supremacy.”

The subscription service is called Safety pin box and was launched last week. Wearing a safety pin has recently become a symbol within the liberal community for one to show solidarity with minorities.

The group headed by Leslie Mac and Marissa Jenae Johnson. Johnson is one of the black lives matter protesters who interrupted Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders during a speech in Seattle last year.

There are four different types of subscriptions offered by the group. The “e-ally box” is $25 a month and is “an electronic form of solidarity.” It comes with “exclusive ‘calls to action’ when urgent ally services are needed in times of crisis.” Ally is a term used by black lives matter activists to describe white comrades.

Kudos to the smart guys who found a way to monetize White Guilt (and SWPL stupidity).

When it comes time to cull the herd, their customer list will come in handy.

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Oxford graduate sues university for £1 million after not getting a first-class degree

4th December 2016

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Faiz Siddiqui tells the High Court his grades prevented him having a successful career as an international commercial lawyer.

Apparently in Britain there is no perceived connection between knowledge and grades — or success.

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White Hippies Descend on Standing Rock Protest, Treat It Like Burning Man

28th November 2016

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Yo, dude, this is, like, really intense.

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Justin Trudeau Mocked After Praising Oppressive Dictator Fidel Castro

26th November 2016

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Poking fun at Trudeau’s weak response, Twitter users imagined how he might respond to the passing of other dictators and mass murders (both real and fictitious), using the hashtag #TrudeauEulogies to collectively laugh at the prime minister.

And people complain about America electing Trump….

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Heist of a Lifetime: Man Robs Chipotle, Steals One Burrito

25th November 2016

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You know how it is when you really need a burrito.

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Snowflake Alert: WashPost Touts Lefties Skipping Work, Having Acupuncture to Relieve Election Stress

22nd November 2016

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The liberal meltdown over the 2016 presidential election resurfaced on the front page of the local news section from Sunday’s Washington Post as journalists Michael Alison Chandler and Tara Bahrampour profiled snowflakes upset at Hillary Clinton’s loss who called in sick from work, wore black the day after the election, and even offered free acupuncture and tea for teary-eyed spa patrons.

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Selfie Deaths Are Slowly Rising Around the World

22nd November 2016

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Think of it as evolution in action.

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Killer Mike Offers Self-Righteousness for Sale Package

17th November 2016

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Ever tried to bring attention to an issue close to your heart, but didn’t quite have the star power to do it? Well fret no more because rap supergroup Run the Jewels is here to help.

Through the music website Daylight Curfew, the famed duo of Killer Mike and El-P are offering an exclusive “Self-Righteousness for Sale” package, where for the price of $350,000, the two artists promise to spend six months “pretending to care about whatever you care about.”

This pretending to care will include “eloquent and timely speeches,” a co-authored info packet, a “heartfelt” video about the purchaser’s cause, and travel to a maximum of three events. As if all of this weren’t enough for any cash-laden social justice warrior, Run the Jewels will even compose an original song entitled “WE’VE GOT TO BRING _______ TO AN END” as part of the package.

One of the perennial conundrums of being a Bleeding Heart Liberal is figuring out a way to monetize it. This milestone appears to have been achieved. (Actually, I think that Bill Clinton was the first guy to do this ‘We feel your pain’ but he never got it to scale.)

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China Adopts Gay Call Sign as Official Communist Party Greeting

14th November 2016

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That explains a lot.

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Americans Inspired by Brexit to Wear Safety Pins in Show of Solidarity With Minorities After Donald Trump’s Victory

11th November 2016

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Why not just wear the whole diaper?

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#Calexit: Californians Call for Secession After Donald Trump’s Election Victory

9th November 2016

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‘Let my sheeple go!’

As long as it’s understood that they have to take Hollywood with them. And they can’t ever give it back.

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A Freak Out at U. Mass. Lowell

9th November 2016

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Brit Hume would probably file this under the Campus Craziness segment of the FOX News show he hosted through the election, but we can also file it in our own Higher Education category. This email blast comes from the Office of Multicultural Affairs at the University of Massachusetts, Lowell.

Apparently special snowflakes are hyperventilating and passing out coast to coast and around the world.

More popcorn?

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