DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

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Archive for the 'You can’t make this stuff up.' Category

Oh My: Kid Rock 30, Debbie Stabenow 26 6

23rd July 2017

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To gauge Ritchie’s chances in a hypothetical general election matchup, Delta Analytica conducted a poll from July 14-18 of 668 Michigan residents. Of respondents who stated a preference between Debbie Stabenow and Robert Ritchie, 54% stated they would vote for Ritchie while 46% said they would vote for Debbie Stabenow. These results could indicate that Ritchie is a popular figure in Michigan, Debbie Stabenow is unpopular, or some combination of concurrent trends. The relatively large, 44%, number of undecided respondents may be due to the early stages of the campaign.

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Gay Leather Bar Owner Runs for Governor in Texas

20th July 2017

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After Abortion Barbie, there was nowhere else to go….

Jeffrey Payne, who won the title of International Mr Leather in 2009, hopes to challenge the state’s current Republican governor, Greg Abbott, who announced his bid for reelection last week.

Sounds like the perfect Democrat candidate.

“Texas needs a Governor who believes in Real Texas Values, like integrity, honesty, freedom and independence,” Mr Payne said.

In other words, not a Democrat.

“We need to stop wasting our time and money on trivial legislation and start investing in finding ways to help Texans, their families, and their businesses prosper.”

At taxpayer expense, no doubt.

In an interview with CBS Dallas, Mr Payne said he does not think Texas voters will focus on his same-sex marriage – or, presumably, on his connections to the BDSM-tinged gay leather community.

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Irish Farmers to Create Seaweed Eating ‘Supercows’ in Bid to Fight Climate Change

19th July 2017

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The Irish: Saving civilization one cow at a time.

Now if we can only get them to stop farting….

 

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Tesla Solar Roof

16th July 2017

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They have a cost estimator. The cost of the roof for my house would exceed the price of the house, and the savings would not pay for it over the estimated life of the roof. Plus firefighters refuse to go onto roofs with solar panels because they’re unsafe.

Elon: Try again.

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MEDIA NATION: CNN Anchor Doesn’t Recognize US National Anthem

13th July 2017

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Harlow was covering President Trump’s arrival in Paris, France to meet with French president Emmanuel Macron. After the two world leaders shook hands, they stood together as a band played the United States national anthem.

However, Harlow cut to the scene by saying, “Let’s just listen in to the French national anthem for just a moment.”

Why should she? It’s Not Her Country.

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Woman Whose Husband Died on Sofa After Argument Finds Love With His Brother

12th July 2017

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No, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all.

 

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Enviros Think Solar Panels Along Keystone Pipeline Route Will Shame Developers Into Giving Up

12th July 2017

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I’m waiting for them to kill a chicken and sprinkle it’s blood on the pipeline path. That will stop them for sure.

Surely somewhere some time a Skraeling tribe did that sort of thing. it sounds like the sort of thing that they would do. Or maybe some Antifa protesters; I always get them mixed up.

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Greeks Are Suddenly Worshiping Ancient Greek Gods All Over Again

12th July 2017

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Yeah, that sure worked the first time.

Maybe Zeus will bail out their economy. Hey, it could happen.

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Seattle Councilman: Cleaning Poop Off Sidewalks Is Racist

12th July 2017

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A Seattle, Wash., councilman implied that a new effort to clean excrement off the side walk outside the local courthouse could be racist Tuesday.

The crime and smell of urine and excrement have gotten so bad outside a King County courthouse that two judges are scrambling to find ways to fix the situation, reports the Seattle Times.

Seattle councilmember Larry Gossett isn’t a fan of one solution to power wash the feces sidewalks to tamp down on the smell. Power washing the sidewalks is too reminiscent of civil rights activists being hosed down, he said.

Something in the water of the Pacific that washes the Left Coast works to lower IQ.

The government ought to do something.

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This Protester Used Virtue Signaling At Its Finest

29th June 2017

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A woman attending a Planned Parenthood protest Wednesday afternoon on Capitol Hill held a sign signaling to the world how much greater her virtues were than any Republican, or American, supporting the Obamacare repeal effort.

“I don’t know how to convince you to care about others,” the sign read.

Hundreds of protestors marched to express their disdain for Senate Republicans’ bill to repeal major portions of Obamacare. The most consistent complaints of the Senate bill among those in attendance were the 1-year cut to Planned Parenthood funding and the steep cuts to Medicaid.

The obvious response is ‘I don’t know how to convince you to mind your own fucking business and keep your nose out of mine (and your hand out of my pocket).’ But that doesn’t fit conveniently on a sign.

And of course anyone who supports abortion-mill Planned Parenthood has no standing from which to criticize other people about ‘not caring about others’.

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Study Finds: Corn Better Used as Food Than Biofuel

21st June 2017

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Duh.

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Man Dies After Going Over Niagara Falls in an Inflatable Ball

16th June 2017

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Think of it as evolution in action.

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VA Gov. McAuliffe: ‘We Lose 93 Million Americans a Day to Gun Violence’

14th June 2017

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Guess he forgot to take his shoes off.

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Russian Malware Communicates by Leaving Comments in Britney Spears’s Instagram account

9th June 2017

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Well, that’s the way I’d do it.

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CNN Hypes Pregnant ‘Man’

9th June 2017

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CNN reported today that trans man Trystan Reese “is not just a guy with a beer belly.” He’s a man who is in his third trimester of pregnancy.

The trans man, who, according to CNN reporters Carma Hassan and Dakin Andone, “was assigned the female gender at birth,” apparently never wanted to change his body parts.

Our ruling class is literally insane.

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Clay Travis Offers $50,000 to Charity If Shaun King Takes DNA Test

7th June 2017

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Travis tweeted, “Hey @shaunking, I’ll give $50k to Colin Kaepernick’s charity if you take a DNA test and are more than 25% black.”

Now that’s comedy.

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Thought for the Day

5th June 2017

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Alt-Left Insanity: Don’t Blame Muslims for Terror Done By … Muslims

2nd June 2017

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By all rights, this should be the climate change/Kathy Griffin/Scott Pelley/covfefe edition. Those are just the big stories that broke in the last 48 hours. The news cycle is just as insane as the news media covering it.

Trump has ditched the Paris climate non-treaty (never approved by the Senate). Nearly talentless comedian Kathy Griffin has dropped from the D List so far that she’s nearly caught me in F+ celebrity land and even lefty CNN dropped her. (After Squatty Potty!) CBS cut anti-Trump anchor Scott Pelley from its evening news and sent him into 60 Minutes exile. And the media went nuts over another Trump tweet — obsessing over a typo.

And on a day of a huge victory for Trump by exiting the Paris Climate Accords, thrilling conservatives (even ones who opposed him), Alternet pretends Trump support is weakening. “Could Donald Trump’s Base Finally Be Turning on the President?” it asked.

Nope. But it shows how out of touch the alt-lefty media has become.

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Tell Helicopter Mama

28th May 2017

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Last Thursday night police were called to a noisy party in Cambridgeshire. When they arrived and heard the audio of a YouTube video on the karaoke machine mocking Osama Bin Laden, it triggered a policechick, who then pressed her panic button and called in reinforcements from headquarters. Ten more police officers and a helicopter were sent to quell the dangerous extremists who threw the party.

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Many Democrats Agree That Losing In Montana Is Actually A Win

26th May 2017

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I suspect that’s why they keep losing.

As Democrat delusions go, though, it’s pretty minor.

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Thought of the Day

22nd May 2017

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“Cowshed” and Cow Sheds

20th May 2017

Peter Robinson shows his age.

No one who had ever encountered a real cow shed, or who had ever even heard a just description of a cow shed, would ever, ever have given the name of “Cowshed” to a line of toiletries.

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Man Dies After Setting Himself on Fire During Facebook Live Stream

15th May 2017

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Let that be a lesson to us all.

Think of it as evolution in action.

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Joss Whedon’s Message for Mother’s Day: I’m Glad My Mom Is Dead, Because Trump

15th May 2017

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Out of all the celebrities who’ve had nervous breakdowns since Nov. 8, 2016, nobody’s breakdown has been more nervous than Joss Whedon’s.

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Monday Mirthiness: #Dilbert Gets Mann-handled

15th May 2017

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Scott Adams has increasingly demonstrated that he won’t put up with alt-Left nuttiness, with the predictable response from the radical fringe.

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People Are Marrying Themselves, It’s Called ‘Sologamy’

15th May 2017

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A new synomym for ‘idiocy’.

I predict that these morons are not Republicans.

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Police Investigate a Cult Killing; It Turns Out to Be a Rock Video

12th May 2017

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Tell the truth: These days, who could tell the difference? I certainly couldn’t.

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Just When You Thought That Democrats Had Reached the Edge: Vermont Sen. Angus King Wants to Hire Former FBI Director Jim Comey to Lead an Independent Investigation Into Any Ties Between Trump Advisers and the Russian Government.

10th May 2017

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Well, he’s not doing anything right now and would probably appreciate a job offer.

Maybe we could hire Mike Flynn to investigate his ties to the Russians. Yeah, that’s the ticket….

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Bernie Sanders Is Touring the UK

10th May 2017

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Guess they don’t have enough angry old white male socialists in Britain; they have to import them.

Well, if he can run for the Democrat Presidential nomination while an independent, maybe he can run for a Labour seat in Parliament as an American. After all, Britain has been Feeling the Bern since 1945.

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‘Democrat’ Is a Mental Disorder

8th May 2017

This Website Will Mail Your Ashes To The GOP If Trumpcare Kills You. Really.

Makes you wonder how all these people avoided dying before Obamacare. I never noticed that all these Victim Groups were dying like flies before Obama took office. I guess I must have missed all the bodies piling up in the streets.

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Democrats: Bringing the H8

8th May 2017

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An Art Institute of Washington professor recently declared that House Republicans “should be lined up and shot” for their passage of an Obamacare-replacement bill.

“They should be lined up and shot,” Professor John Griffin posted to his Facebook, according to a screenshot of the post obtained by Campus Reform, even clarifying that he wasn’t being hyperbolic, saying “that’s not hyperbole; blood is on their hands.”

Funny how you never hear anybody say that Democrats ought to be lined up and shot.

And yet Trump is supposedly the New Hitler.

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Students Left a Pineapple in the Middle of an Exhibition and People Mistook It for Art

8th May 2017

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Ruairi Gray, a business information technology student at Robert Gordon University in Scotland, and his friend Lloyd Jack, reportedly left the fruit at the Look Again exhibition at RGU’s Sir Ian Wood building, hoping that it might be mistaken for art.

When they returned four days later he found that the pineapple had been put inside its own glass display case at the event.

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Trayvon Martin to Be Awarded Posthumous Degree by Florida University

6th May 2017

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Just another instance of White Privilege, I guess.

Being a black druggie thug appears to be the way to fame and fortune in modern America. That would certainly explain a lot about Barack Obama, though.

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International Respect for Chickens Day

4th May 2017

Read it. And watch the videos.

With thanks to Debby Witt, a kindred soul.

(Whenever I hear Foghorn Leghorn, I always think of Tommy Lee Jones.)

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Huge Spring Snowstorm Dampens March for Climate Events In Colorado

29th April 2017

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Was AlGore on hand? He’s usually the guy that triggers these events.

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Bear in West Bank Zoo Bites Off Palestinian Boy’s Arm and Eats It

26th April 2017

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Will the Islamophobia never cease?

Funny, the bear didn’t look Jewish….

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Witches in San Diego Curse Trump

25th April 2017

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And here I thought it was more pictures of the ‘Science March’. Hard to tell without a scorecard sometimes.

I suppose it’s about all they’ve got left (no pun intended).

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The “March for Science”–No Laughing Matter? Says Who?

20th April 2017

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Back in February, Yale Computer Science Professor David Gelernter, who may become the next White House science advisor, had this to say about the upcoming March for Science and its organizers: “It’s like this is some sort of Looney Tunes thing. I must be trapped in an alternate reality. They couldn’t possibly be serious.”

But with science marches now scheduled in many cities for this Saturday, timed to coincide with Earth Day, the organizers obviously are serious. Too serious, in our view. Using street protests to handle scientific controversies like climate change is only a few steps above using animal sacrifice.

I suppose that’s next on the agenda — ‘Wiccans for Climate Science’.

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America’s Most Political Food

19th April 2017

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Southern food as seen from the Upper West Side.

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The Ossoff Variations

19th April 2017

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America Rising has posted a clip of Ossoff fielding questions from CNN’s Alisyn Camerota (video below). Following up on reports that Ossoff doesn’t even live in the district, Camerota asks him: “Is it true you can’t vote for yourself?” After a painful silence, Ossoff talks around the question. He has been living with his girlfriend of 12 years, he explains, and he is supporting her as she completes her education.

Camerota asks: “So when are you going to marry her?” He’ll get back to her on that one.

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Proposed Chick-fil-A Has Students at Duquesne Aflutter About Microaggressions

14th April 2017

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A gay student group at Duquesne University fears that a proposed Chick-fil-A outpost could jeopardize the school’s safe spaces.

I can see how waffle fries could be a threat.

“Chick-fil-A has a questionable history on civil rights and human rights,” Lambda executive board members Niko Martini told The Duke (the university’s student newspaper).

No, it doesn’t. You just think it does because you believe all the lies in the DemLegHump Media. ‘Oh, somebody told me once that they’re racist/sexist/bigoted/Islamophobic/transophobic/xenophobic/this-ophobic/that-ophobic/anythingyouwant-ophobic/YourNameHere-ophobic, and that’s good enough for me.’

Being a Lefty college student these days means spending all your time looking for ‘phobes’ rather than studying, apparently.

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Rube Goldberg’s Passover Seder

9th April 2017

Read it. And don’t fail to watch the video.

 

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3 Companies That Give Staff Paid Time Off When They Get a Puppy

2nd April 2017

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Learn their names, and avoid their products, which are undoubtedly hipster crap.

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Transgender People Are Now Oppressed Because ‘Pussy Hats’ ‘Equate Womanhood With Having a Vagina’

29th March 2017

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There’s no pleasing some people.,

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Naked Group Slaughters Sheep at Auschwitz Death Camp

25th March 2017

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Perhaps they’re witches trying to curse Trump. I’ve heard that happens.

Or it could be part of the Democrat filibuster of Goresuch. You never really know.

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Professor Calls Curing Deafness In Children ‘CULTURAL GENOCIDE’

14th March 2017

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A professor at America’s premier college for deaf students has now proposed that curing deafness is a form of “cultural genocide” because deaf people who can hear would stop using sign language.

Well, yeah, that’s the idea. (More to the point, it would break the rice bowl of professors at colleges for deaf students.)

“This bias of Hearing culture can be seen in the normative claim that it is better to be a member of the dominant, mainstream Hearing cultural community than to be a member of the non-dominant Deaf cultural community,” Burke writes.

Ableism is CrimeThink!

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New York to Scrap Literacy Test for Teachers in the Name of Diversity

12th March 2017

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After all, if it takes a village to raise a child, most villages in the world are illiterate anyway.

Prospective teachers in New York will likely no longer have to pass a basic reading and writing literacy exam, the Associated Press is reporting.

The state’s Board of Regents is expected to ditch the Academic Literacy Skills Test in part because black and Hispanic teaching candidates struggled to pass the exam, according to the AP.

The rights of Official Victims to a job surely outweighs the rights of some random kids to get taught.

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Who Wears the Pussy Hat in the Family?

9th March 2017

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Donald Trump doesn’t have to make Sweden into a laughingstock; the Swedes are quite capable of doing it themselves.

The brief article below concerns the board of the Construction Workers’ Union and the wearing of pussy hats, the latest mandatory item of apparel for all self-respecting Progressives.

Don’t let the color fool you, it’s actually the pointed-haired-boss hat.

Posted in You can't make this stuff up. | 1 Comment »

ALRIGHTY THEN: Coddled Ladies at $65,992-Per-Year College Vow Not to Build Trump’s Border Wall

8th March 2017

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That’s fair.

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Authentic Black Woman Rachel Dolezal Just Changed Her Name, And It’s Beautiful

2nd March 2017

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Rachel Dolezal, the former head of Spokane, Washington’s NAACP chapter who claimed to be black before her parents ‘outed’ her as white, officially changed her name to Nkechi Amare Diallo in a Washington court in October, legal documents obtained by DailyMail.com show.

I guess ‘Elvira, Queen of the Night’ was already taken.

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