Swine Control
1st July 2012
Whatever one’s views on today’s Middle Eastern regimes, we can all agree that violent rioting is not a system of governance. But how can raucous street demonstrations be prevented from deteriorating into endless anarchy? The existing methods of suppression are clearly insufficient. Deadly force quickly produces martyrs and often only exacerbates violence. Nor are tear gas, rubber bullets, or truncheons particularly effective. Demonstrators retreat momentarily, regroup, and then pelt police with rocks and Molotov cocktails. This can continue for days, even months. And forget about Mace and Tasers for large crowds. Angry mobs should be able to express their discontent but at some point, enough is enough and politics should replace street violence.
Let me suggest a cheap, nonviolent way to control fanatical Muslims with an appetite for nonstop turmoil—weaponized pork. Muslims hate pork. Merely mentioning pork, let alone physical contact with it, strikes terror into the hearts of even the most committed “living martyr.” When confronting rioting Islamic fundamentalists, pork is perfect.
And there it is.
The beauty of pork-based riot control is its incredible flexibility. For all-purpose crowd dispersal, shotgun shells could be loaded up with bacon bits. Such “pigshot” could quickly break up rowdy demonstrators without harming a flea, let alone damaging the environment. Tanks could be modified into mobile Chinese field kitchens, complete with a traditional large exterior ventilating circular fan. When the enemy is within range and the wind conditions are right, pork strips would be cooked in giant woks. With the scent of freshly cooked pork everywhere, demonstrators will be traumatized. Many of those pork-smelling fanatics will be barred from their own homes, cafes, and other public places. What Sharia-compliant Muslim wife would sleep with a man reeking of filthy swine? Some will have to burn their clothing and take multiple baths—hardly a welcome option in societies averse to daily bathing.
An elegant solution to the problem.
July 2nd, 2012 at 14:22
I like it! This has scope and texture!