Against Straws
23rd September 2019
You know what kind of grown man uses a straw? The guy who is watching something loud and obnoxious on his phone in public without headphones. In shorts. Like it’s normal. Like he shouldn’t be murdered on the spot.
Kevin Williamson, thank God, doesn’t determine what ‘grown men’ do — as if some guy who shaves his head and arranges his facial hair to resemble a goat’s ass has any room to talk about cultural norms.
I use a straw because I don’t like ice cubes clinking on my teeth. Straws are one of those little conveniences that our ancestors invented to make life easier, which have been transmitted to us down the years, and which elevate us above the animals. Kevin is welcome to pour his drink into a dish and lap it up like the dog he is.
UPDATE: For Straws, against Kevin
September 23rd, 2019 at 17:06
I routinely listen to the “Mad Dogs and Englishmen” podcast featuring Williamson, in which he is soft spoken and almost always calm. Then I read something like this and am baffled. I do know some people excel at creative abuse, and suppose it is almost impossible to resist doing something you’re so good at. Other than that I have no explanation.
September 24th, 2019 at 10:40
How the hell did “plastic straws” become an important thing??
Seriously, there seems to be an ever growing list of incredibly minor and stupid things that have elevated to the status of a radical crisis and I just don’t understand how it’s possible. Is it because we just have so much stuff that we’re spoiled and looking for something to complain about?
And, yes, that spectrum includes all things Kardashian.