DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

The Aquaflage Nightmare Has Finally Ended

10th January 2017

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Anyone who thinks that, for all its flaws, at least the government is good at doing military stuff hasn’t been tracking the clown-car routines the Navy has been going through during the last fifty years (fifty years!).

When first forced to use the blue pattern camo work clothes back in 2010 U.S. Navy sailors thought their new work uniform was mainly silly. It consisted of shirt and pants in a gray, blue (mainly) and black camouflage pattern. Most sailors wear the work uniform while on a ship. What’s the point of camouflage there? This has at least led to some entertaining humor. For example, sailors called the new camouflage “Aquaflage” and tried to find some purpose in it. Some believed it was a safety measure, since if you fell overboard while wearing it there was little chance you’d ever be seen in the water, so there was no need to turn the ship around to try and find you. Along those lines, some believed that if you fell overboard, the aquaflage would make it more difficult for any sharks to spot you. Actually, sharks detect prey via smell, not sight, but no matter, it was better to laugh about this blue clothing nightmare rather that look hard and cry.

There was more to cry over. Aquaflage came along mainly because of the herd instinct at the top. Since 2001 all the services had gotten new camouflage uniforms, or gotten them for the first time. Even the air force had a blue type camouflage pattern. The admirals felt compelled to replace the traditional (and popular) dungarees and blue work shirt with the much less popular aquaflage. For more formal occasions, junior enlisted sailors were still allowed to wear a khaki shirt and black pants (an arrangement the U.S. Marine Corps has made famous). The navy “dress blues” remained unchanged.

After aquaflage was introduced the navy brass, bowing to loud and sustained complaints, agreed to allow sailors living off base, on their way home from work, to get out of their vehicles to perform short errands (picking up dry cleaning, groceries, day care, and so on), while wearing the new navy work uniform. Prior to this, navy personnel were forbidden from leaving their vehicles while outside the base if they were wearing the work uniform. While sailors appreciated being allowed to get out of their cars on the way home work, most would prefer to do it while wearing the traditional dungarees and blue work shirt rather than the cartoonish aquaflage.

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