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I wish I could have had my mother turned into a jar or something. Then I could run over it with my car, glue the pieces back together, and then run over it again.

She and I didn’t get along.

Read it.

Doing our bit to make America great again.

You’re welcome.

Some of us remember.

Every wonder how medieval weapons are made? There’s a collection of YouTube videos for that.

Read it.

The pancake printer works just like a 3-D printer. You draw or upload some design, send that design to the printer (in this case, via SD card). Then, voila! You have a pancake printed in the shape of your dreams.

Well. There it is.

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And replace it with Bill’s, no doubt.

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Just because we all need a little break.

Watch it.

Read it.

Watch it.

Bears at the Grizzly & Wolf Discovery Center in West Yellowstone, Mont., are given 60 minutes to try to pry, scratch and dig into various outdoor products. Manufacturers hope their gear will be certified “bear resistant.” Photo: Grizzly & Wolf Center

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My Back Pages

Watch it.

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By all means watch the video.

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And by all means watch the video.

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WINSLOW — A life-size bronze tribute statue to the late singer-songwriter Glenn Frey of the Eagles has been installed in the Standin’ on the Corner Park.

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Sometimes the old ways are best.

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I have traveled around quite a bit in Eastern Europe, Central Asia and China, while living in the Caucuses region and I have met and talked with upper middle class Iranians and extremist Muslims in my work as a missionary. It is from this travel and personal experience that I write the following on the way that world perceives the United States.

Watch it. Provided by Freeberg, who gets all the good stuff.

Best line: ‘Not every man is your ex-boyfriend.’

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Bring it on. Send us your wretched refuse, and we’ll make their asses rich. It’s what we do.

Check it out.

A free browser extension for Chrome, Safari, and Firefox that exposes the role money plays in Congress and highlights key election races. Displays on any web page detailed campaign contribution data for every Senator and Representative, including total amount received and breakdown by industry and by size of donation. Puts vital data where it’s most relevant so you can discover the real impact of money on our political system.

Check it out.

Read it.

The SEIU thugs lose one. God Bless Texas.

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A miniature donkey can change your life. Ten of them can change it a lot.

I am not making this up.

Read it. And by all means listen to the song, even though it will apparently erase significant portions of your genome.

(I realize that this admission will totally destroy any small hipster cred I may have accumulated, but I like the song.)

Check it out.

‘Hold my beer and watch this.’

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Ask yourself why I had to go to a British newspaper for this good news.

Maybe Obama knows. We’ll ask him as soon as he finishes playing golf.

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The actor said he does not feel the pressure to match or live up to expectations which others may have.

Living the dream.

If You Want Me To Stay

Joe Bob Briggs meets modern marketing.

There’s some guy at the world headquarters of CVS drugstores screwing with me.

I don’t know who he is yet, but he lives in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. This is where CVS Health, the largest drugstore chainin the history of drugstores, has its main offices, and where a designated marketing jerk chews on the nub of a pencil and thinks all day about how many coupons he can string onto the bottom of my sales receipt.

I was thinking about this recently while having three hot dogs and a Dr. Pepper during the time it took to print out my receipt for two 6-ounce cans of Gillette Fusion ProGlide Two-in-One Shave Gel and Alpine Clean Skin Care. Why two cans of shave gel when one can is likely to last six months? And why the shave gel that has skin-care ingredients for a man who’s more likely to stick his head into a bowling-ball polisher than apply moisturizer to his face?

Because I had a coupon!

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Hey, you work with what you’ve got.

Magic Carpet Ride

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Much of her life seems like classic soccer-mom material, which makes her destination all the more astonishing: she is heading to Charles Town, West Virginia, to spend the week in an old country villa speaking no language other than Latin. A group called SALVI (Septentrionale Americanum Latinitatis Vivae Institutum, the North American Institute for Living Latin Studies) rents a secluded space large enough for thirty-odd people to spend a week without any outside contact: no phones, no internet, no stores.

…

Forget the books. It has to be people talking to people. Once you lose that, it will never be the same.

Watch it.

I am not making this up.

Read it.

Now the ‘breakfast cheeseburger’ will be available all day.

Every day, in every way, life keeps getting better and better.

Lileks.

Condolences to everyone by the Milwaukee Road train station: Hope you’re feeling better. How do I know you’re ill?

Simple. I have a new smartphone app called “Sickweather,” and it tracks illness in your immediate area. How? Does it listen for your hacking coughs, fix your location via GPS, cross-check with Walgreen Cold-and-Flu aisle trips, and upload it so the NSA and Chinese hackers can send you get-well cards?

No. It scans Facebook. Well, you say, what doesn’t? The accuracy of the app depends on people staggering to their computer, feeling like achy sweaty sloths, and typing URGH I HAVE FLU so people can LIKE it, and companies can send you a coupon for something that makes you feel 17 percent better and tastes like blueberries grown in Chernobyl.

When I first opened it up, little markers indicating disease rained down on Minneapolis like the Judgement of Heaven, and any rational person would instantly run outside and daub an X on the front door in lamb’s blood. (We were out. Had it on the list, too.) Downtown was a seething mass of SICK icons, concentrated in two areas: Right outside the Milwaukee Depot, and the Warehouse District.

Columbia the Gem of the Ocean

I learned to sing this in elementary school. I don’t suppose they do that any more.

Hot Hot Hot

Hey, it’s Texas in the summertime.

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Damage done by laser weapons is a function of power and time. The longer a laser can stay on a target, like a drone or an incoming missile, the more damage it can do. The more powerful that laser is, the less time it needs to spend burning its target. The U.S. Navy already has a 30-kilowatt laser mounted on a ship. Yesterday, at a summit on directed energy weapons in Washington, D.C., the Navy announced it plans to go bigger: 150 kilowatts.

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He was attempting to pass a slow-moving bobtail Peterbilt tractor when he got hung up by a white Ford Econoline squatting in the passing lane. On his YouTube page, Machine stated that the van, which apparently belonged to a plumbing company, was traveling along between 60 and 70 miles per hour along a stretch of highway with a stated speed limit of 70 mph. Confronted with the slow-moving van blocking the left lane, and traffic in the right lane, Machine called the number on the back of the Econoline and politely asked him to get out of the way.

In the Econoline, the passenger picked up and was momentarily confused as Machine asked him to ask his driver to move out of the lane and let traffic pass. The van sped up, passed a tractor-trailer, and got out of the way, much to the relief of the traffic behind him.

We have the technology.

Read it.

When many lower-income Americans feel isolated and empty, they yearn for physical social networks. All across US, this happens organically at McDonald’s.

Read it.

Pretty bad when you have to read about interesting Texas news in a British newspaper.