Against Food
17th July 2022
Imagine this: you’re blessed with opposable thumbs and breathtaking mental faculties. You have a notion of object permanence. You can use language, do mathematics, and decipher the world around yourself. There is no question that you are the pinnacle of evolution, a simply amazing, staggeringly rare thing to exist, the very poster child for the best that Mother Earth has to offer. And how do you spend your days? Drinking lattes and eating cheeseburgers.
Day after day, I swipe the Hinge profiles of girls endowed with the greatest gifts known in the universe, only to find that their hobbies are sleeping and eating. The last million years of evolution has been wasted on them; they might as well live with orangutans.
Excuse me … I’ve got a cherry turnover calling my name….