DYSPEPSIA GENERATION

We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Trump Made Me Break Up!

17th February 2017

Ammo Grrrll has the answers.

A story appeared a few days after the election about a poor, troubled woman who had just started a new relationship with a real live man, but now was so upset by the election of President Trump whom she feared and hated, that she felt compelled to end her new relationship and hunker down in terror. I say: “Run, guy! You dodged a bullet!”

Amen.

It does make me sad that many women looking for good men do not seem to know where to find them. I’m here to help. Movies are useless, with men and women always meeting “cute.” She drops her purse on the street, stuff falls all over, and a gorgeous man picks up her things. They bump heads going for the lipstick, eyes lock, hands touch. Most cities, you drop your purse on the street, you are never going to see its contents again, let alone the purse. If a guy does pick up stuff, he is likely to be a homeless guy lunging for your embarrassingly large secret stash of Fun Size Snickers.

Now (trigger warning) I’m about to get very cis-normative here, so grab some Play-Doh. Ladies, with rare exceptions, men are not going to be at your yoga class, your line dancing class or your card-making class. They may be at your flower arranging class, but will only notice the flowers, see above. So where do appropriate men hang out? You know, the kind who are never even momentarily ambivalent about which restroom to use.

Clue: Not in ‘class’.

You can look for a husband at the grocery store, another movie favorite, but they are likely to be someone else’s husband. With some impressive exceptions, single men do not shop or cook. Their fridges contain yogurt, mustard and bologna, many of which are expired, and beer. They go out a lot or eat things that can be microwaved and eaten on a paper plate or over the sink. If you do find a straight, single man who cooks, grab him!

By the love handles — he’ll have ’em.

Lastly, we come to one of the best places to meet men. A place where the male to female ratio is exceedingly favorable. A place where, for some reason, few women go on a regular basis. I’m talking, of course, about the gun range.

Wisdom. Attend.

You must also negotiate for an adequate ‘portion’, i.e. the number of books that the prospective spouse will bring to the marriage.

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