We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Sean Traynor Enlightens Us: American Beards are Racist

29th January 2014

Read it.

Mind you, I’ve always had my suspicions….

Yes, really. Beards are racist, Sean Traynor, a women’s studies grad student at Penn State, informs us at the Atlantic, gravely reminding the reader that “this may not be the story bewhiskered moderns would like to hear”, that beards are not just “an homage to a quaint, innocent fashion trend” but a “legacy” in need of “redeeming”.

The beard, Traynor says, emerged in a time of rejection of the “liquor-fueled conviviality of the barbershop”, and of disastrous epidemics leading to widespread reluctance to “be lathered with the brush which the minute before has been rubbed on the face of we don’t know whom”—but the “real problem” leading to the adoption of the beard, he says, was that Karl Vogt wrote that Blacks and Whites were “two extreme human types”, driving men away from black-owned barbershops and therefore away from beards in general, except that “immigrant barbers—many of them Germans—catered to a growing population of working-class customers”. (Those pesky Germans! What a race of racists!)

After men stopped going to barbershops (except for the ones who didn’t), they didn’t want to shave themselves, since they lacked both the tools and the skill to do so without risking slashing their own throats open or contracting tetanus… except, Traynor says, it was really because they felt threatened by women’s rights movements. Racist and sexist!

Apparently, this is what Women’s Studies does to you. Let that be a lesson to us all.

2 Responses to “Sean Traynor Enlightens Us: American Beards are Racist”

  1. ErisGuy Says:

    These years will be remembered for their intellectual insanity and fanciful notions.

  2. RealRick Says:

    None of that addresses women with excessive facial hair, but I’m sure someone will decide any comment would be racist.

    The late George Carlin used to do a bit about the word “beards” being used to denote evil. “Lenin had a beard! Gabby Hayes had whiskers!”

    Of course, “beard” also refers to a straight partner used to hide homosexuality. (John Travolta, for example. Tom Cruise – C’mon, proven or not that was probably the first name that came to mind!) So maybe a beard can be racist AND homophobic AND antifeminist all at the same time.

    Dear God, I need to get away from this before I start extrapolating like a progressive!