We have seen the future, and it sucks.

New Navy Uniform Could Monitor Sailors’ Pee for Signs of Nuclear Attack

27th April 2012

Read it.

Well, you know, that’s not the sort of thing that you want to be uncertain about….

ONR’s ideal uniforms would use a bevy of “integrated sensors built into fabric” to monitor every aspect of a soldier’s wellbeing, and then transmit that information to medical personnel. In addition to vital signs and bullet wounds, the fabric sensors should be able to “detect exposure to chemical, biological, radiological, nuclear and explosive agents” by tapping into biomarkers found in soldiers’ blood, saliva, sweat or urine. And where bullet wounds are concerned, the threads would do much more than merely detect their location. They’d also “estimate the depth of penetration and the affected surrounding organs.”

Personally, I’d trade it all for some Storm Trooper crotch protection. Sailors think about that sort of thing, you know.

One Response to “New Navy Uniform Could Monitor Sailors’ Pee for Signs of Nuclear Attack”

  1. Whitehawk Says:

    At first I thought, “There could be another reason why a sailor would soil himself.”

    I have to admit a mushroom cloud would certainly cause some involuntary action in my short.