We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Take a Hot Bath and Lose Weight. Or Is That Notion All Wet?

9th April 2017


For years, the key to weight loss has been obvious and simple: Eat less and move around more. Run 12 miles each day while licking a carrot and the pounds just melt away.

Kidding! Everyone on the internet knows that you can lose weight fast with This One Simple Trick, or This One Weird Trick. It’s either a diet so rich in fiber you might as well eat a plank of particleboard, or it’s a magic pill that makes the pounds fall off. Yes, a team of Actual Doctors (OK, podiatrists, but still doctors) have discovered a special substance called gullibilium. It increases your metabolism so high the food actually disappears on your fork before you eat it.

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