We have seen the future, and it sucks.

Killer Mike Offers Self-Righteousness for Sale Package

17th November 2016

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Ever tried to bring attention to an issue close to your heart, but didn’t quite have the star power to do it? Well fret no more because rap supergroup Run the Jewels is here to help.

Through the music website Daylight Curfew, the famed duo of Killer Mike and El-P are offering an exclusive “Self-Righteousness for Sale” package, where for the price of $350,000, the two artists promise to spend six months “pretending to care about whatever you care about.”

This pretending to care will include “eloquent and timely speeches,” a co-authored info packet, a “heartfelt” video about the purchaser’s cause, and travel to a maximum of three events. As if all of this weren’t enough for any cash-laden social justice warrior, Run the Jewels will even compose an original song entitled “WE’VE GOT TO BRING _______ TO AN END” as part of the package.

One of the perennial conundrums of being a Bleeding Heart Liberal is figuring out a way to monetize it. This milestone appears to have been achieved. (Actually, I think that Bill Clinton was the first guy to do this ‘We feel your pain’ but he never got it to scale.)

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