Middle England’s Allotments Become Metric Battlefield
24th March 2014
Imperial traditionalists have expressed dismay that allotments will henceforth be measured in metres, thereby ending a 600-year-old system of staking out municipal veg patches in poles.
According to the Daily Mail, shocked gardeners have received rent renewal notices from their town halls reclassifying the standard “10 pole” allotment as 253 square metres.
The swine.
However, the powers that be further up the administrative food chain denied they had mandated the metric allotment. A spokesman for the Department for Communities and Local Government insisted: “There is no central government requirement for town halls to measure up the size of their allotments. This sounds like the work of over-zealous municipal officials.”
Oh, we know all about over-zealous municipal officials.